You’ve seen them in movies, TV series, and music videos, and you’ve read about them in books. But what are orgies truly like in real life?
For first timers, orgies can be exciting. Naughty thoughts get evoked at the idea of a group of people getting wild in the confines of an isolated, dimly-lit place. For the uninitiated, we only get a parallel glimpse of orgies in erotic movies like Eyes Wide Shut and Caligula, or from our fevered imaginations from reading erotic literature. However, one must realize that real-life sex parties do not always agree with one’s imagination.
An orgy, by definition, is a gathering of a group of people who engage in sexual activity within one place. It is as old as civilization itself, from the time of the Romans, the nineteenth century libertines, to the swinger culture of the seventies. People have treated the idea of a sex party with ambivalence, from loathing to fascination. Nowadays, orgies have found a comfortable place within the hearts *and loins* of young, sexually adventurous people.
First-timer stories that you would be able to read online would sum it up as “surviving” their first orgy. Most of them felt a bit anxious and nervous before they passed the point of no return, and they somehow woke up the next day feeling like a new person. But this was not without careful preparation and research. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas you have to try at least once in your life]
What to expect in an orgy
Keep these tips in mind before you think of participating in an orgy, lest you want to turn your group sex fantasy into an embarrassing nightmare.
#1 To sum it up, it’s like a regular party. Sex parties are still social events after all, with the added bonus of getting fu*ked later on. Expect a lot of hi’s, hello’s, pleased-to-meet-you’s, and small talk during the night. There’s also music, food, booze, and the occasional recreational drugs. Some well-organized ones even have a facilitator who serves to entertain the crowd with impromptu stand-up comedy and sexy games to get the crowd in the mood.
#2 Sex doesn’t happen immediately. Don’t expect that once you enter the room, you’ll see people ravaging each other… Unless you arrived really late. People who attend sex parties do a great deal of socializing prior to the main event. So don’t just barge in and drop your pants with a raging hard on. Try to relax, grab a drink, and enjoy the company. Participants use this time to size up the others and find a potential partner later during the night. [Read: Rainbow parties – the under 20’s version of a grownup orgy]
#3 People would be well-dressed. By well-dressed, we mean people would be at their best appearance: flattering outfits, perfume, makeup, waxed body parts. If you’re attending an event where people will be having sex later on, expect that they will be at their best.
It is an unspoken rule that those who want to participate in an orgy must have at least taken a shower and brushed their teeth before trying to hook up with someone. So wash up, and choose your attire carefully. Pick clothes that are flattering yet easy to remove once the show starts.
#4 Expect to be ogled and hit on many times over. As the party progresses, you’ll find more and more people giving you stares, approaching you, and trying to cozy up to you. This is pretty normal in an event where people are looking for guilt-free sex. This happens midway during the party when people are little bit hot and tipsy from the drinks.
Orgies, especially singles-only ones, do not assign a designated partner to you. So go out there, hunt, flirt, and enjoy being hit on. [Read: 15 open relationship rules for couples who want to be swingers]
#5 There are rules for proper behavior. Orgies live by a set of rules set for the benefit of everyone invited. So take care to know the rules of the party you’re going to attend. Rules depend on the nature of the party, with the strict rules of commercially-organized ones to the more lax yet exciting rules of small, private sex parties.
There are unspoken rules that should be followed such as personal hygiene, as previously mentioned, and basic courtesy. Flirting is the main type of interaction in sex parties, but they do not tolerate unwelcome touching and coercion. You can say no to someone, and they will perfectly understand, but you still need to be gentle when dismissing someone, so as not to hurt their feelings or make them feel unwanted.
Also, take note if the party is singles-only, couples-only, lesbians-only, and so forth. [Read: Does you wife want to sleep with another man?]
#6 Exhibitionism. While some orgies have small rooms where couples or threesomes can begin their business, there are some who would like to do it out in the open. Don’t get surprised if you see someone walking up to you butt-naked or find a couple doing it in the bathtub when you go pee.
Some people go to sex parties because they find more pleasure in getting watched as they have sex, or they are just plain proud of their bodies and sexuality. When you see these, it’s a sign that the main event has begun. [Read: How to get naked in public… and like it!]
#7 Sex is not restricted to couples and heterosexuals. When the orgy starts to gain momentum, the rules may somehow get blurred. The usual idea is a group of couples doing it simultaneously, but this isn’t always the case, unless it’s a couples-only party.
Aside from couples, you’ll also get the pleasure of seeing combinations of threesomes and foursomes. You will experience getting led by the hand by a random stranger, getting stripped naked, and getting pushed into a bed full of bodies f*cking their brains out.
#8 Safe sex and condoms. Due to the nature of sex parties, both organizers and participants alike have made it a point to practice relatively safe sex. You’ll usually find a big bowl of condoms on the center table, along with bottles of lube. If you have personal preferences, you could also bring your own pack of condoms. It is widely accepted that toys such as dildos, vibratos, butt plugs, and anal beads should be brought by the participants themselves to avoid “cross-pollinating” with other bedmates. [Read: Condom types and how they can improve your sex life]
#9 Fetishes. One thing to expect now with the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey is a rack, a sex swing, and St. Andrew’s cross with someone being whacked on it in one of the rooms. BDSM-themed fetishes are a staple sight in orgies, and you might even get invited for a turn at the rack or the whip. You could say no if you’re not into those things, or politely indulge if you’re feeling a little extra uninhibited.
Commercial sex party venues sometimes even have a “wet room” for those people with messier fetishes such as scat, pissing, blood, etc. [Read: Fetishes you might run into at an orgy]
#10 Aliases. People who attend orgies would often use false names to hide their true identity. Of course, you wouldn’t want to experience the awkwardness of being recognized by a fellow orgy-goer outside the premises. This is true for commercially-organized parties where participants are usually high-ranking CEOs or public figures who want their sexy little secret kept. Try to come up with a sexy nickname to use if you intend to attend a sex party.
An orgy can be a wonderful sexual experience if you play your cards right, so always know the details before you jump into one. And most importantly, look for a party that you will be comfortable in. As mentioned, sex parties are still social events where people interact, albeit in a very intimate manner. [Read: 9 types of wild sex parties you can have right at home]
Who knows, maybe after you’ve experienced your first orgy, you’ll get to organize your own in the future. As they say, you will be a changed person after you exit the premises of a secret sex party.
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