There is nothing quite like the pain of finding out that your partner has cheated, and a new Reddit thread has users sharing how they reacted to the infidelity—along with their reasons for staying with their unfaithful significant others.
Reddit user throwawohaway asked those who have been cheated on by their partners to reveal how they dealt with the breach of trust, inspiring many to explain why they chose to stay with their significant others in the end.
And if the candid responses posted in the thread are any indication, couples can overcome infidelity if a cheater is willing to change his or her ways.
AuntyDotal revealed that she and her husband have been together for 29 years despite him cheating on her after their third anniversary
‘It was horrible when it happened,’ she recalled. ‘I wanted to have a nervous breakdown, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the hurt.’
The woman explained that in the early days of their marriage they had an ‘uneven relationship’. While he was ‘mature and responsible’ at 27, she was a 21-year-old stay-at-home mom who was ‘very lazy and irresponsible’.
She still wanted to go out with her college friends, and her husband would often gripe that ‘he felt like he was sleeping with a babysitter’.
The woman’s husband starting having an affair with a recently divorced co-worker when he traveled across the country to temporarily work at another branch of his company.
When he came home, he confessed to the affair, and his mistress moved to their hometown to be near him.
She and her husband went to see a counselor who took one look at them as a couple and told them they needed to work on themselves separately because they weren’t ready delve into their relationship issues yet.
While her counselor helped her identify and overcome her eating disorder, his had him work on the anger issues that he wasn’t dealing with.
However, when they finally started to go to counseling together, the other woman moved into the apartment complex where she was working and eventually showed up at the park where her husband and their toddler were waiting for her to arrive.
When her husband didn’t immediately tell her to go away, the woman said she packed her stuff and left their home.
‘He finally understood what he was going to lose. That was the turning point, and that’s when all the counseling finally started working,’ she explained.
Ironically, they ended up moving to the town where he had started the affair because his company transferred him there, but the move was for the best.
They figured out how to be partners; she started contributing to the household, and he stopped thinking of her as the ‘babysitter’.
‘Twenty-six years later, we’re very solid,’ she said. ‘I can look back on our relationship and pick out spots where it wasn’t always perfect. There have been two other periods of time that I thought, “Wow, I have no idea who that guy is, or how I got here, but maybe I should find some other place to be.” I got a counselor instead and worked through my own stuff.
‘But the initial thing—the big cheating episode—that was horrible,’ she recalled. ‘Every relationship is different, and only the individual participants can decide if it’s worth it to stay. So I recommend counseling, both separately and together.
‘Take care of yourself first. You can’t bring anything to the relationship if your emotional reserve is empty.’
However, she admitted that it is not always easy to forgive and forget.
‘Sometimes it sneaks up on me and takes my breath away,’ she noted. ‘How could he do that? How could he? Didn’t he know how delicate I am?’
Pcchanm admitted that she can’t imagine her life without the love of her boyfriend of eight years
The woman explained that her boyfriend of nearly a decade cheated on her two years ago after he and his friends had their ‘jug of Sangria spiked’.
‘He woke up the next day in a random chick’s bed with the previous night completely blacked out of his memory,’ she recalled.
She explained that there are three reasons why they are still together, with one being that as soon as he woke up that morning, he went straight to her house and tearfully confessed what happened.
‘We don’t live together, so he could’ve not told me, and I theoretically would not have found out,’ she pointed out. ‘Also, it was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry that hard; he actually couldn’t breathe at one point.’
She went on to say that his best friends, whom she has known her entire life, pleaded his innocence and she trusts them with all of her ‘heart and soul’.
‘To be honest, if I found out my boyfriend and his best mates plotted this story together I would still forgive him,’ she admitted. ‘Being with him for eight years, I can’t imagine life without his love.’
The woman said that nothing has really changed in their relationship, but they never mention what night, and he frequently tries to convince her to come out with him on boy’s nights, and if she declines, he will often stay home too.
‘I don’t think he knows just how much I trust him and how I fully believe that incident was an accident,’ she explained.
Metalmorgan revealed that his wife has cheated on him three times—including an affair with his best friend
‘We stayed together because I’m so stubborn I refused to be beaten,’ he admitted of his decision to stay with his wife of 10 years.
The man explained that her last bout with infidelity occurred three and a half years ago, and their relationship is completely different now that ‘she has made an amazing personality transformation’.
‘It was very difficult, and I didn’t think it would work a million times over,’ he recalled. ‘But it has thus far. We’re now happy—albeit not problem free —no marriage is.’
He admitted that his friends and family thought he was ‘utterly mad’ for staying with her, but in the end he believes it was worth the effort.
‘Nothing will change the past—the lies, the infidelity, the nights spent thinking that you will go insane, the jealously the anger—you have to let it go somehow,’ he noted. ‘It takes time and good honest frank communication and intentions.’
Awlsl admitted that he cheated because he was feeling neglected in his relationship
The man recalled how his partner would go to work and then just come home and sleep, which led him to eventually stray.
However, he said in order to get past his cheating, he gave her access to everything he had in hopes of earning her trust back.
‘That was what was the worst part of it all,’ he recalled. ‘I had lost her trust. We talked about it more than anything. There were very heated moments that I knew I was the cause of it.’
The man said he was constantly monitored for about four months, and he would always tell her where he was going and who he was with, keeping the lines of communication open no matter what.
‘Talking our problems out solved our situation. It was worth it all because we are still together and still happy,’ he said.
Aviary83 recalled how her now-husband cheated on her with a friend while she was asleep
‘My husband cheated before we were married,’ she explained. ‘I’m not a big fan of monogamy; the majority of my relationships have been non-monogamous in some form or fashion.’
However, she said he had never been in an open relationship before, so they chose to ‘build a solid foundation’ by staying monogamous.
‘We had a friend over one night; we all drank way too much wine,’ she recalled. ‘I went to bed; they stayed up. You see where this is going.
‘They actually stopped mid-way through, didn’t make it to the grand finale, but that’s not really the point,’ she added. ‘I knew immediately the next morning, by the way everyone was acting.’
Her friend eventually copped up to the ‘drunken mistake’, and she admitted that she was more upset that her husband hadn’t told her himself.
She explained that although it was an unfortunately incident, she didn’t see it as being nearly as bad ‘pre-meditated, long-term cheating’.
‘I knew immediately that I wasn’t going to leave him over it. We talked it through and came through it stronger than we were before,’ she said.
The woman said her husband now knows that she is completely serious when she encourages him to be honest with her. After six years of marriage, they have dabbled with threesome with other women and slept with a few other people separately, but she maintains that their relationship is ‘great’.
‘People are people; sex is sex,’ she noted. ‘Honesty is way more important to me. If my husband came to me today and told me he felt attracted to someone, I’d probably tell him to go scratch that itch—just come back home to me afterwards.’
_wiener admitted that he stayed with his cheating partner for all of the wrong reasons, and they are no longer together
‘I really just stayed because I thought it was my fault,’ he said. ‘I thought I wasn’t putting enough effort into the relationship.
‘A little while later she turned out to be a lying scumbag. So that’s when I left.’