I get it. Online dating is weird. The waters are rough, murky, and often saltier than sweet. And yet… when I’m hit with lines like these it makes me want to, well, hit some lines. I’m kiddddding – CHILL.
Anyway. Here’s a look at my first photo and my bio on Tinder. I like to think I’m giving y’all something to work with…
^ Essentially, I’m asking men to tell me a joke. Or ask me about being from NY. Because New Yorkers love talking about being from New York #bagelsandCAWFEEE. OR ask me who my favorite FEMALE comedians are. Hah, I’m kidding. Women aren’t funny.
Fellas, take note. Well, actually don’t. Do NOT write any of these lines down. Forget them all IMMEDIATELY, please.
P.S. (PRE-SCRIPT): All typos and grammatical errors below were said in context. Just so y’all know.
- “You’re from New York? Heartbreaking.”
- “Oh shit you’re really attractive.”
- “Snap bby?”
- “Hey hows a going”
- “You have a cute little body.”
- “Hey! I never know what to say to start a conversation…so, what’s up?”
- “Hello Jackie happy quarantine to you”
- “Hey there”
- “Lets meetup”
- “You seem cool af we should hang!”
- “I’m filing a complaint with TripAdvisor for not listing you as the best place to eat out around here.”
- “Meow mew mew *heart eye cat emoji* how are yew?”
- “What’s up!”
- “Happy Friday beauty”
- “Oh shit you’re really attractive”
- “Do you wanna text or snap?”
- “Hey heyyyy”
- “Sup girl”
- “Now Jackie, I’m not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you!”
- “Hey Jackie! I’ll take you in my drift boat and show you an amazing weekend!”
- “I sure do wish I wasn’t just passing through town, that I had a few more days just so I could maybe have a shot of taking you out on a date because you are absolutely. Stunning.”
- “hiia miss”
- “Yes yes yes”
- “Hey hey *winky face emoji*”
- “Hey Jackie hru”
- “Oh hey”
While any variation of “hey” isn’t an awful first message, it’s not very creative. When sifting through the dumpster fire that is Tinder (that IS how the app got its name, right?), I want a message that stands out!
I mean, how would YOU reply to any of the above? Do you think these messages are worth responding to? Perhaps I’m missing out on a real prize-winning catch but I’d like to think if you’re taking the time to message me, you may ACTUALLY want to get to know me.
Dudes, if you’re looking for an assist on Tinder, I beg you to download Charmed. It’s the virtual wingman you never knew you needed…until now. Or “meow” as one fella put it.
What’s the worst opening line you’ve ever received on a dating app?
Let me know in the comments below!
This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Unsplash