Being mesmerizing isn’t about how you look, what you wear, or even what you say. It’s about the energy you radiate. A dating tip you may not hear as often, is that you should pay attention to how people respond to your energy and be aware of the energy you put out. The way people feel about you and the energy around you, is all about what you hold in your mind. What do I mean by this?
Well, if you always think of yourself in terms of how you compare to others or how others view you, you’ll always find and feel lack within yourself. As a result, the energy you radiate will be about your self-doubt, your insecurities, or how you’re not good enough. After a while, you’ll start projecting those things onto others, and will seek validation from other people and forces outside of yourself. Instead of being positive, your energy will come across as desperate, restless, or even needy.
You can be an attractive, beautiful person, but if others sense a negative or confused energy about you, they may have a hard time connecting with you.
On the other hand, when you feel secure with yourself, you project self-confidence and self-assuredness and the energy you radiate will be joy, groundedness, understanding, and tolerance. When you don’t need other people’s approval to be okay with yourself, you tend to gravitate towards and attract people who have the same positive energy that you do. That’s the very basic foundation of being mesmerizing—self-love.
Now if you want to be mesmerizing to someone in a romantic context, there are four tips to follow that will help you get yourself in the right mindset:
1. Stop thinking too far ahead.
A lot of people start getting ahead of themselves the minute they meet someone they find attractive. They start to fantasize about this new person and form expectations about what a relationship will be like with them, instead of going with the flow and finding out as they go along. This is a common mistake thousands of people make. They cling to the fantasy and idea of the person they’re with, instead of focusing on actually trying to get to know them.
2. Don’t forget about your own happiness.
For many people, the minute they’re interested in someone romantically, they begin to revolve their life around the new relationship and can forget to nurture themselves. They try too hard to please the other person, thinking they’ll become indispensable to them. Wrong. The more you please someone else, the more you invest emotionally and the more you’ll expect reciprocation. This can make your energy pushy, anxious, and smothering and the entitlement you feel can push the other person away. By no means stop doing nice, pleasing things for the person you’re interested in. But if you do something nice, you should do it because you want to make someone happy not because you expect them to owe you for it.
3. Don’t wait around for the other person.
The more you’re hooked on someone, the more you need to spread your energy around or you’ll become a mess. Fill your life with activities and interests that aren’t related to the person you’re interested in. And don’t stop talking and meeting new people or seeing the people you’ve already been seeing casually. Having your own life and interests will fulfill you and give you energy that transfers over into your relationships.
4. Don’t make someone your priority, when you’re only an option.
Many people insist on being a girlfriend/boyfriend to someone even thought the relationship hasn’t been made exclusive yet. As a result they stop talking to other people and start expecting the same treatment as someone who’s in a committed relationship, when the other person clearly isn’t all the way in yet. The pressure doesn’t help the other person fall any faster, and the resulting clinginess and insecurities about where you are in the relationship can push the other person away. Instead, pay attention to the other person’s interest and level of investment. Even if you’re not always on the same page, understanding and respecting where the other person is in the relationship and giving them the time to grow in their feelings for you will show what a strong, caring person you are.
If you follow these four tips you’ll be a stronger person that others seek out and want to be with. Keep your energy positive, focus on being your best self, and you’ll be amazed at how many people become interested in you.