Love is all around us and TV programs like Love Island have heightened our quest to find ‘the one’. This can seem like a daunting and near impossible task, knowing that your decision will significantly impact your life. I’ve met many people who have no idea where to start and constantly worry about getting it right. If you have chosen the right person, however, you won’t need to worry about keeping the spark alive. The relationship will stay strong and healthy as you both meander through the ‘thick and thin’ of being together.
Relationship guru and matrimonial consultant Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart shares her insights to help you fine-tune your skills and maximize your chances of choosing right in love.
Finding the right love partner at the right time is a challenge. Too often, people get caught up in the intense excitement of being in a new relationship and get swept away by lust and infatuation, assuming that person is their soulmate. Frequently objective reasoning is tossed aside, and warning bells of unsuitability and incompatibility are ignored.
Choosing right in love is a skill rather than a random flow of strong feelings. Don’t jump to the conclusion that someone is right until they prove they’re going to stick around. Take your time to really get to know the person you are committing to and ensure you are compatible on every level possible. It’s no use simply being with someone out of fear of being alone. Granted it is easier said than done but if you are mindful of this, the pay-off is immense.
To help you along the way here are my five top tips to choosing right in love:
Know what you want and need in a partner, and don’t settle for anything less
Throughout my career I have met many people who haven’t found ‘the one’ as they haven’t figured out what they want and need in a partner. It is important to take time to identify your core values and beliefs, and to understand what makes you happy, what bothers you, and what you are not prepared to compromise on. This will help you deduce the kind of relationship you want, making the process of finding the one much easier.
Choosing someone who shares your core values and aspirations is a strong indicator that you have chosen right, because you will both want the same things out of life. We can often learn as much from past failures as we can successes and creating a deal-breaker list will help you choose someone you are far more compatible with long-term.
Be the person you want to date
Lets face it, if you have high expectations on love then your partner will too. By embodying the traits that you are looking for in a partner you are more likely to attract someone fantastic and who you can grow together with. If you want to be with someone who is physically fit and healthy, for example, then first ensure that you are maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
It is crucial to remember that no matter how much you think your partner will want to change for you or you may want to change them, fundamentally, you cannot alter who someone truly is!
Equal commitment to wanting the relationship to flourish
Successful relationships don’t just happen automatically. Even if you are lucky enough to find someone you have an incredible connection with, all relationships encounter bumps along the way. Be absolutely sure that this person is fully invested, emotionally engaged and equally committed to making it work.
Mutual respect is a must
Mutual respect is a core foundation of strong relationships. The right love partner will respect you, not belittle or ignore you in company. They will pro-actively support your values and goals, encourage you to express your concerns and needs, and will embrace your family and friends.
It is exhausting spending your time constantly trying to assert yourself with a partner. Your relationship should be a safe space to escape the trials and tribulations of everyday life, where you can be yourself and relax in the company of someone who appreciates you for who you are.
Attraction on all levels
Attraction on a physical, emotional and intellectual level is essential to make a relationship work in the long term. Do they excite you? Make you laugh? Do you look forward to spending time with them above others? Do you hate being apart?
Laughing, smiling and touching each other are often strong cues of attraction. Think forward to forty years down the line. Can you see yourself with this person, will you still fancy them, and be proud to have him/her by your side? If so, then they are likely to be the one.
Although crucial, love is only a piece in the jigsaw of building a successful relationship. Choosing someone with your head and your heart is another vital part of the jigsaw. You deserve to find the perfect love partner for you, who will give you everything you want and need from a relationship, so hone your ‘selection skills’ and look forward with gratitude and pride at choosing right in love.
By Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart, Matrimonial Consultant and Relationship Guru, on a mission to promote successful relationships and prevent marriage breakdowns in society.