Ever wished you had the perfect comeback for that annoying guy who keeps flirting with you? Here are a few good ones you can use!
There’s a fine line between being playfully flirtatious and being downright irritating. But sadly, some people can’t tell the difference – much less take a hint. Have you ever encountered a guy who thought that their lame pickup lines actually worked? Ever met someone who thought that their flirtatious touch or smoldering gaze was actually welcome? I think we all have, and you know how creepy that can be.
Telling him to simply buzz off might be effective, but there are some of us who want to inject a bit of humor to a rejection in order to diffuse the situation. And the perfect balance between a scathing rejection and a response to their flirtation would come in the form of a witty comeback. [Read: How to reject a guy without being too rude]
The best comebacks for lame pickup lines
Here are a few situations where you might be able to use a comeback to fend off some unwanted flirtation.
#1 The dream pickup line. For some reason, guys like to use this pickup line because they think it makes us ladies feel special. They couldn’t be more wrong. They will start by walking up to you, trying to be nonchalant, right as they are about to walk past you, they’ll stop abruptly saying, “I know you, you’re the girl of my dreams!”
Your reply: “That’s funny, because this feels like my nightmare.” If you want to let him know that his introduction is weak, and he needs to do better, then use this witty comeback to do so. It’ll probably make him laugh, but that’s okay. He’ll be intrigued, and realize he’s not dealing with a basic chick like the ones that have possibly fallen for this lame line in the past.
#2 The asking where you’ve been line. It’s easy to approach someone and start up a conversation by asking a question. By asking someone a question, it usually warrants a reply, which means instant communication, which is why guys like this pickup line: “Where have you been all my life?” He’ll be expecting you to immediately fall for this corny pickup line.
Your reply? “I’ve been living mine.” Short, straightforward, and with a hint of sarcasm. This reply lets him know you don’t find him funny, and it especially lets him know you don’t care to hear anymore. Keep on living, girl!
#3 The nap-to-get-in-your-pants comment. Sometimes, you might still be friends with someone you used to date. If you go to visit an ex, and he’s got his mind set that because you two have hooked up before, so you’ll do it again, he may use this nap suggestion to try to get in your pants: “So, I kind of have this idea that we were going to take a nap together.”
Your comeback? “You must be tired. I actually had a few cups of coffee, so I guess I should just leave you to it then.” Just because you are friends with your ex, doesn’t mean you drove to visit him to get it on. Using this comeback means one thing, and that is you want to get out of there as fast as possible. [Read: 16 signs your ex still wants you back in their life]
#4 The astrology pickup line. How many times have you been approached by a guy asking you what your sign is, or when your birthday is? This is the guy that approaches you and immediately asks, “What’s your sign?”
Your reply: “Do not enter.” Hey, he was asking for a sign, right? You can even come up with other common signs like “beware of dog” or “warning: high voltage.” Just don’t say something along the lines of “slippery when wet,” because that will just give him the wrong idea! [Read: 14 no-fail ways to turn down any type of guy]
#5 The “took my breath away” comment. Ah, nothing like a guy reminding you of breath, good or bad. This is the guy who honestly still thinks this line works on women. It doesn’t. But if a guy who believes that this is the way to your heart approaches you, expect something along the lines of, “Dang girl, you just took my breath away!”
Your reply: “Your breath is pushing me away.” Not only will this make him feel a little bit less of a man, it will also let him know he should probably find a breath mint or some gum, or brush his teeth immediately. Whatever it takes, but maybe he will get the hint that he should work on his hygiene before working on his game.
#6 The phone number line. We live in a world where we are all constantly tuned into our technological devices. So if a guy tries to use this pickup line, he is either too immature to handle having his own phone, or he’s just that stupid to believe this one honestly still works. Expect this guy to wait until he sees you texting on your phone to approach you with, “I lost my phone number, can I have yours?”
Your reply? “911.” Once again, short and straightforward. It’s also funny, so expect this guy to laugh. If he doesn’t laugh and instead looks dumbfounded, clearly this guy isn’t the one for you. I mean, he’s probably not going to be the one for you if he’s still using the losing his phone number pickup line. [Read: How to stop a guy from flirting with you]
#7 The gay radar line. This one is for when a chick approaches you because she assumes you swing the same way. And sometimes, she may use this to talk to you to test out the waters and see if there’s a chance, or if your curiosity has been piqued. She does so by walking over to you saying, “Beep beep beep. What’s that? Looks at you *winks*. Oh, my gaydar just went off on you, honey!”
Your reply, “I don’t hear anything. Guess it’s because my ears are straight.” It might seem abrasive, but don’t feel bad. It lets the girl know you obviously aren’t gay. Besides, she was the one who assumed you were gay in the first place, so the joke is on her. [Read: How to stop a gay friend from coming on to you]
#8 The doctor says comment. I don’t know what it is that makes guys think girls like this one. Maybe it’s because they mention the word doctor, and therefore assume it’ll get a girl to perk up and pay attention. This is the guy who walks up to you, and strikes up the conversation with, “My doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U.”
Your reply: “My psychiatrist says I might *slowly look intently into his eyes* murder a guy like you.” This one might scare him, but that’s okay. It will also possibly make him laugh. He may or may not believe you, and that’s what you want, assuming you haven’t totally decided you’re not interested in him just because he used a lame pickup line.
I can assure you though, he will probably go home at the end of the night, and drunkenly do a Google search on you to see if any mug shots or police reports pop up.
#9 The empty seat pickup line. Lots of guys tend to let creativity fly right out the window when they’ve been drinking. So after the fourth or fifth drink, they might approach you, a girl at the bar, with one of the lamest and most overused lines known to man with their signature drunken drawl, “Hey gorgeous. You look lonely. Is this seat taken?” And then he’ll proceed to occupy said seat without waiting for your response.
Your comeback? “Actually, no. That seat’s not taken. But this one *gesturing to your seat* will be empty if you decide to sit there.” It’s blunt, it’s quick, and it will definitely get your message across. Just a word of warning, though, make sure you have another seat to transfer to once you decide to vacate your seat.[Read: 40 pickup lines guys commonly use while trying to hit on women]
No one said dating was easy. Getting the courage to walk up to someone you find attractive in a crowded place is intimidating. Just because someone finds you attractive and attempts to strike up a conversation with you by using a lame pickup line, does not mean it’s your job to engage and entertain them.[Read: The clueless girl’s guide to using a perfect no-fail pickup line]
If you’re genuinely welcoming a guy’s flirtatious remarks, that’s wonderful. However, if you aren’t, that’s what these witty comebacks are for! If you find yourself wanting to get out of the situation and far away from them as quickly as possible, any of these are guaranteed to make that happen much sooner than later.
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