Matchmaker Liza Donovan discusses the perils of online dating
“Why are you are single? What’s wrong with you?”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this over the years. For a moment, it made me question what was wrong with me that I couldn’t find love.
I’m sure every person who’s single — or at least who’s been single for any period of time — has thought and heard the same thing at some point in their life, regardless of how or why they became single.
Love is, and will always be, one of life’s greatest mysteries. What makes us fall in love? What makes us fall out of love? Single people want love. The problem is, like so many, we don’t know how to go about finding it. Instead, we turn to the easiest — and what we think is the safest — form of looking: online dating.
The darker side of online dating
It’s a wild, wild Web and here are the facts to prove it. According to the United States Census Bureau, since 2012, 102 million people ages 18 and older were unmarried in the United States. Approximately 17 million of those people were 65 years of age or older, and 60 percent had never been married (the rest were divorced or widowed). Studies also showed that more than 60 percent of those people would like to be married someday.
As number of single people continues to grow in the U.S., so does the world of dating online. Back in 1995 to 1996, Match.com and Friendfinder.com were the first online dating sites available to help singles find love. Today, there are more than 100 sites available.
You may be thinking, “That’s great! With all these online dating sites, people are sure to find the love!” And some certainly do. I am certain everyone knows someone who has met online and is now happily dating or married.
However, for every happy couple, there seem to be a multitude of horror stories. According to Answers.com, there have been 1,000 deaths attributed to online dating, not to mention countless other horrors that did not result in a death.
In 2013, Gawker.com posted a story about a Match.com user who sued the online dating site for insufficient screening of violent offenders. Fox News reported the same story, stating the Match.com user was stabbed, beaten and left for dead when she tried to break it off with a man she met on Match.
If you think this only happens to women, think again. Fox 11 News reported four people were charged with beating a man in an online dating encounter. They left him to die in the woods where he would be “food for the wolves.”
Smoke and mirrors
ABC 15 reported that 81 percent of online daters have lied in their profiles. This means that two-thirds of profiles are false.
People want to make their lives seem more exciting than they really are. People lie about their age, what they do for a living, how tall they are, how much they weigh, their body type and how much they make, all to attract the best person they can attract or their ideal love.
Do you really think if you lie in your online profile, your match won’t find out? Eventually, your lies will be exposed. And if your match agrees to continue to see you, you’ve started your relationship off based on a lie. What else will you lie about throughout the relationship? Think of all the time you wasted — countless hours of e-mailing, texting and calling — only to end up right back where you started: single and alone.
To add insult to the already injured, these sites have countless fake profiles of extremely attractive people to make you think you have a chance of meeting and falling in love. Most of these profiles are written by the same people. Once they realize you’re at the point of wanting to meet, they hide their profile, tell you they’ve met someone else or just don’t respond, leaving you to ask yourself, “What did I do or say? What is wrong with me?”
All of this reinforces the insecurities that brought you to online dating in the first place. It also keeps you there because now you feel you’re not good enough to meet someone on your own. You pay for another three or six months and, feeling disappointed and insecure, you settle for something less than what you were hoping for.
Social media perils
Most online dating sites prey on the lonely and broken hearted, or those who just don’t know how to date or where to begin to meet people. Remember the old saying “you get what you pay for?” If you’re paying $24 a month to find a match, then you’ll get $24 quality people.
Social media has taken away from the human aspect of communicating and meeting people. It has taken away from our ability to meet and date people properly in order to build a strong foundation for a successful relationship.
When we meet someone in person, our intuition that tells us to stay away or to move forward kicks in. By meeting though social media, we can’t use this crucial “sixth sense” to protect ourselves from unwanted situations.
We conduct our entire lives through social media. Most communication is done through texting, emailing and posting. When we actually meet in person, we’re no longer tuned in to our intuition. We’re nervous, fearful and insecure, so we pick the wrong people and the horror begins.
Of course, this isn’t the case for every individual. I’m exaggerating my point to make a point. We no longer know how to interact with one another unless we have our smartphone in hand, as if it is our security blanket.
Gone are the days
The times when a man actually approached a woman (or knew how to), gets to know her, asks her out and picks her up, opens doors for her and pulls out her chair, and then pays the tab — those days are gone.
Men ask women out via text or through online dating sites. What’s worse is that we, as women, allow men to do this. Then we complain we can’t find a good man and return to online dating, hoping that for, if we’re lucky, less disaster dates than the first time around.
We rely on social media and online dating to protect us from the fears and setbacks of dating. But in reality, it is creating a bigger problem in the process and causing society to become socially inept.
A real solution
So how can we find a partner when we’re afraid of dating? I will tell you how: Come see me, America’s top matchmaker, at My Top Matchmaker. It is my role, first and foremost, to protect and promote my clients.
I provide a safe dating atmosphere as each and every one of my clients goes through a thorough background check along with drug screening, employment and financial verification, as well as an in-depth interview. Be assured, you won’t be going out with that stalker you met online, or the sexual predator, or the meth addict.
I give you advice and guidance throughout the dating process, creating a dating experience that is comfortable, safe and successful because you won’t have to worry if the person in front of you is who they say they are. I help you get back the confidence you need to be that masculine man or that feminine woman without losing your sense of self, but gaining a sense of self-worth.
Source: AZ Central