Dating in the computer age—There’s Tinder, Grindr, OkCupid, FarmersOnly, Clown Lovers, Craigslist Casual Encounters, Adult Friend Finder, Ashley Madison, Plenty Of Fish, JDate, Christian Mingle, BBW Cupid, FurryMate…..Fetster….Beer Passions…Cougar Life…..Match.com….Naturist Passions…..Cat Lovers Network….Singles With Allergies…. PinkCupid…. AgeMatch….. SploshDating…. ZombiePassions… Zoosk…. DateVampires.. .OurTime…Sea Captain Date….Missed Connections… FelonyDatingService….Kwink Potheads….DateACanadian…the list is endless.
Each week, Popdust’s intrepid reporter, Suzy McCoppin, goes deep undercover in order to guide you through the potentially murky waters of cyber lovin’.
Can you really swipe, click, match, wink your way to true love?
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This week, we shine the spotlight on Black People Meet
My smokin’ hot mixed-race cousin gave me clearance to use her likeness in the interest of scoring some brotherly love…
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To quote my date, Patrick, “Black men are really having a moment.”
And it’s true—at least when it comes to the dating scene—all my honkey friends are up on black D like it’s their job.
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So this week, I decided to enlist the services of the biggest brother lover since Pat Reily—a woman whose vagina can proudly say, “ Where no white man has gone before.” Or “Come before.”
A woman who makes Kim Kardashian look like Paula Deen—Popdust’s Editor-in-Chief, Ms Max Page.
HOT TO NOT RATIO: Weak. Way hotter black guys on..well, basically every where.
BEST PICK UP LINE: “Yooz a big fine woman. Won’t you back that thing up?”
WORST PICK UP LINE: “I’m not Charmin, but I’d be all up in that booty….”
NUMBER OF CORRESPONDENCES IN ONE WEEK: 9
Cover of Jet magazine….
His Approach/Chat Up Line: “Ok, I’m here. What are your other two wishes?”
Conversation Skills/Rapport: Smooth like buttah.
Closing Skills: He’s bad, nobody is badder but he’s got more crabs than a seafood platter.
GUY MAX PAGE WANTS ME TO DATE:
Basically, because he’s the chef at a hotel Max Page lives right down the street from….
His Approach/Chat Up Line: “I can cook.”
Conversation Skills/Rapport: Affable, jolly, and likes to get high on his own supply.
Closing Skills: Max Page can have him.
Weekend at Bernie’s… Urban edition..
His Approach/Chat Up Line: Flat line.
Conversation Skills/Rapport: Call for help.
Closing Skills: I think he’s in a coma.
HELL TO THE NO:
“If I cut out my face, they won’t know I’m really white”
His Approach/Chat Up Line: Yo! Wanna check out a yoga class, grab a spiced pumpkin latte?
Conversation Skills/Rapport: Wanted to talk about Louis C.K. , Ted Talks, and organic Fuji apples.
Closing Skills: White men can’t hump.
BLOW BY BLOW DATE SUMMARY:
First I had to break the news to Patrick that I am neither black nor mixed-race, which almost seemed redundant since I opted to tell him in person, and when he recovered from the shock and betrayal, we moved on to the date.
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Patrick hates going on dates. I hate going on dates, so we had that in common, but were still faced with the prospect of actually going on a friggin’ date.
Awkward pauses, fake laughing, and strained small talk which always results in me showing said date inappropriate pictures on my phone just to drown out the thunderous silence.
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Thankfully, earlier this week I had dinner with my gal pals Julie and Michelle and, after discussing hair extensions, the conversation drifted to vagina types, as I had recently fired off my first vag selfie.
When my powers of description failed to satisfy, I turned to Google for visual aids, and the image was still on my phone.
A real conversation starter….
Michelle is a solid 6, and was unaware that there was such vaginal diversity.
This has nothing to do with my date, but it’s interesting.
Julie and I fingered our numbers as well but agreed it should not be made public.
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Patrick weighed in, revealing that his preference might be in the 7-9 range.
“Why,” I inquired.
“Because you don’t have to hold it open when you’re down there.”
NEWS ALERT! Stereo types shattered! Black men do eat p*&^%!
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And that’s why I do this job.
Once you go blackpeoplemeet, you go back to Tinder, where the black dudes are WAAAY hotter.
Check back on Popdust every Friday for an all new foray into the singles world….In the meantime, you can read past Adventures In Dating here