I have a work colleague who keeps saying, ‘We should catch up’ and ‘I’d love to take you out for a drink’, but never actually organises it. It sounds silly, but I don’t want to be the one who comes up with a date and time. I’ve indicated I’d be happy to do either but still no luck.
He texts a lot, but to date we’ve never met up outside of work. What should I do?
Good on you for connecting with a guy at work — it’s a great place to meet potential partners. You probably share similar values, which is a vital part of dating, as well as a similar lifestyle.
Of course, if things don’t go well it can be horrendously awkward as well, so I’d advise anybody dating somebody at work to take things very slowly.
The fact this man has shown an interest in you is great. However, it’s frustrating he can’t actually get a date over the line.
Men just texting and texting is a common problem. Not only is it far easier than picking up the phone, as we used to do, we also get a little chemical ‘high’ of dopamine whenever we hear that ping.
That actually means we don’t need to actually meet up with somebody to feel a satisfying buzz of excitement. And, if this man is not really serious about dating, that could be enough for him.
There could be a number of reasons why he hasn’t made the leap and properly asked you out yet. He might be worried he’s overstepping the line (you are work colleagues, after all) or perhaps he thinks he might get shut down. Maybe he’s not fully convinced you’re interested.
Dating expert Wendy Newman recommends a stern approach if you are hoping to move past the text message chat.
She advises replying: “You’ve reached your texting limit! After we meet you’ll have another 2000 characters”. It’s a cute way to get the message across.
You’re right that you don’t want to be the one to plan a date, too – but there is a way to steer him towards meeting up.
I asked love coach Hayley Quinn her thoughts about this one. She’s based in London but works with plenty of Aussie women, too.
She said anybody in this situation can say they’re “thinking about heading somewhere on the weekend”, e.g. the beach, to see if he takes the hint and perhaps suggests meeting you there.
If he still doesn’t get it, perhaps he’s more keen on the idea of taking you out, rather than the reality, in which case I’d remain friendly when you see him but stop replying to his messages.
He’ll either step up and ask you out, or eventually stop texting, in which case you can move on and find somebody who doesn’t just want a pen pal.