Believing that the people they speak to on Grindr and other queer dating apps are also part of the LGBTQ+ community, closeted folk in India often open up about their sexuality to those that they match with. But it can be turned against them in a flash – finding themselves facing assault, harassment, violence, blackmail and extortion, with scammers weaponising the threat of outing them to families and friends. For queer individuals, the prospect of their family finding out about their sexuality can often be worse than handing over significant amounts of cash to scammers. Stigma often means victims have nowhere to turn.
Rashmi, a 24-year-old woman in Delhi, found herself isolated when she became a victim of a scam on Grindr. “Someone I met on a dating app was blackmailing me for 50,000 rupees (£430), threatening to reveal to my friends and family that I’m a lesbian. This was my first time in a big city, and I wanted to explore the LGBTQ+ scene,” she says.
In Rashmi’s case, the blackmailer – who in reality was a man – had made a fake account to pose on the platform as a fellow lesbian woman. “I haven’t complained to the police. My parents would be devastated if they found out that I’m a lesbian,” she says. Her friends later helped her to track down the blackmailer, tracing the number to a gym trainer in Delhi, though they have not taken any further action.
Here in South Delhi, 27-year-old Soham* remembers a time when he was alone at his flat. “When I swiped right on a guy’s profile, I expected to have a good time and bond with him,” he says. After talking for over a week, he asked Soham out for a date. “It was a very special moment for me,” recalls Soham. They decided to go to Champa Gali – a cute lane in the Saket district filled with cafés, often referred to as a “mini Goa in Delhi”.
But the day before they had arranged to meet, Soham’s date messaged him with an alternative proposal on Grindr. “He asked me if he could come over to my place for the night, as I had told him I was alone,” says Soham, his voice crackling slightly.
But as the doorbell rang, Soham instantly knew that something was seriously wrong. “I saw three men standing outside my door, and I was shocked,” he says. Soham was shivering from fear. “I denied them entry.”
“Well, if you don’t want me to come inside, can you at least give me a glass of water?” the man asked. “Wait here and don’t come inside,” replied Soham. As soon as he turned, the man, along with his friends, forcefully barged into his house and started beating him. “While walking towards the kitchen, someone banged on my head from behind, and I got knocked unconscious. I found myself naked, and all three men were sitting in front of me.”
Soham was blackmailed. He says that the group filmed him naked and asked for Rs 80,000 (£680). “They threatened me, saying that they would inform my parents.”
He didn’t file a police complaint because he was afriad that his parents would find out what happened. “I gave them everything that I had at that time. Around 25,000 rupees (£210) cash and my Titan watch.”
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