Last week, Speaking of Science persuaded a bunch of paleontologists to assist us in writing online dating profiles for dinosaurs, with hilarious results. But we wanted to give our readers a chance at helping their favorite extinct reptiles find true love. (Someone’s gotta look out for the over-30s crowd, right?). So we set up a form through which people could submit their own T. rex Tinder profile.
Here are some of your best submissions, lightly edited for spelling and space. We’d swipe right on all of them.
#Vegan chick looking for a guy who knows how to use his head. #WestCoastGirl
— Isabelle Fest
Rugged herbivore seeks same for long walks and clubbing things. Looks unimportant — hope they are to you, too.
— Susan Petrone
Big girl with a big heart seeks another gentle giant. I went through a pretty bad identity crisis, always trying to conform to what other people thought I should be, but I’m done with all that. I’ve changed my name and I’m ready to start fresh. I’m a professional landscaper and I love slow plodding walks on the beach. Please, vegetarians only.
— Stella Garp
(Note: Years after scientists concluded that Apatosaurus and Brontosaurus were the same animal and that only the former name was accurate, it appears that Brontosaurus may be its own distinct group after all. Hope this doesn’t spark another identity crisis.)
Looking for a swim buddy? I may have fairly short legs but that does not stop me from taking long walks on the beach. I’m not cold-blooded, only misunderstood. Looking for someone who has a nice sail and also short legs, around 50 feet long if that matters to you.
— Roy Yoos
Starting linebacker, Hell Creek Ornithopods. Highly competitive. Prefer charging to cash. My friends tell me I’m hard-headed, but they don’t know what they’re talking about.
— Not Jack Horner
Sauropod. Coloradan. Vegetarian, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at my guns — they’ll call me “arm lizard” in a few million years. Swipe left if under 30′ tall. I do move in herds, if you’re into that.
— Pat Curran
Looking for an impressive frill display? I’m your guy! You can find me eating or fighting Tyrannosaurs. Likes: Food, my herd, food, more food. Dislikes: T. rex, stuff that isn’t food, the size of my brain, apocalypses.