Courting apps like Tinder and Bumble are cool, however it may be robust to fulfill like-minded individuals — particularly if all that’s in your thoughts is Tesla and Elon Musk.
In contrast to common individuals who hardly ever care about philosophy, their carbon footprint, saving the planet, colonizing Mars, and naming their kids after spy planes, Teslites and Muskians battle to co-exist with non-Teslites and non-Muskians.
In reality, analysis (quotation non-existent) has proven that Tesla house owners are 90% much less prone to discover love than every other earthlings. It’s an issue that’s plagued these poor souls for years.
So I went on a date in the present day and he didn’t drive a #Tesla. Sadly, this is a matter that severely limits the accessible pool. Inform me to recover from it, or that it’s okay to die alone. ??????
— Kim Paquette ? (@kimpaquette) August 13, 2020
However it doesn’t should be this manner.
That is the place Tesla Dating comes into play.
The self-described “courting app for Tesla house owners” goals to assist Teslites and Muskians lastly discover the electrifying love they deserve — “as a result of you’ll be able to’t spell love with out EV.”
“I noticed a sample the place individuals who purchased into Tesla actually embraced it, to the purpose the place being a Tesla proprietor grew to become an enormous a part of their id,” Tesla Courting founder Ajitpal Grewal informed me. “They share a variety of the identical values, like wanting to scale back their impression on the surroundings and appreciating excessive tech — and, after all, stanning Elon Musk.”
“However what stops somebody from falsely claiming to personal a Tesla car to allow them to plug their parasitic claws into my limitless supply of affection power, also called the human coronary heart,” you is perhaps considering. Tesla Courting has acquired you coated. Everybody should show their Tesla possession earlier than they’ll join the service.
Good luck convincing Tinder or Bumble to implement this characteristic (they most likely would if that they had the engineering expertise to invent it, which they clearly don’t).
Some narrow-minded people would possibly lambaste Tesla Courting for its unique standards, but when there are courting apps for cheaters, swingers, different singles on the identical flight, sapiosexuals, and even furries, why not have one for Musk worshippers, too?
So when you’re bored with worrying whether or not your booty name is perhaps wheeling to your house on diesel (which is the last word turn-off), ditch Tinder and get on Tesla Courting right now.
You need to be beloved the way in which you wish to be beloved, you beautiful Musk bootlicker.
PS: When you didn’t choose up on it by now, the location is a chunk of satire (and so is that this piece). However… it’d flip into actuality. “In the intervening time I’m simply seeing the place this goes,” Tesla Courting’s Grewal informed me. “If there’s sufficient demand, I’d truly put out the app.”
God (also called Elon Musk on Mars the place I’m based mostly), please make it occur.
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