Not having a clue when we can resume our affair – or even where – is driving me crazy. There are no hotels open either, of course, so any physical contact is genuinely impossible for now. Of course it’s my own fault. If it was all above board, we could live in the same house. As it is, my two separate lives have never felt so far apart. All I can do is wait until something changes, whether that’s a vaccine or the end of my affair – whichever comes first.”
As told to Flic Everett
‘I’m spending quality time with my wife but missing my other partners’
Some people are antsy in lockdown with their spouse, while others are having tearful phone calls with partners they are apart from. I am experiencing both. I am a polyamorous woman, which means that, although I live with my wife, I have two other partners who I currently can’t see.
One is locked down just five miles away with his wife. In the four years we’ve been together, we usually see each other once or twice a week, but that came to an end when the restrictions were imposed. Our last date before lockdown was cancelled when his wife unfortunately contracted coronavirus.
We are calling each other weekly, and a lot of that time is us grumbling about how we can’t see each other. We also do video calls so we can have some intimate time together virtually, and I’ve sent him flowers too.
We thought about meeting up in a park for a socially-distanced date, but came to a conclusion that it’s just not safe. Neither of us drive, so I would have to get on a train, which I don’t think is a good use of public transport. Also, we would have to stay two metres apart, which I think would make things even harder. I would be able to see him, but not hold his hand.
One consolation in all this is that I know I’m not alone in finding this tough. Some surveys have shown that up to a fifth of people in the UK have more than one partner. I don’t know how many of them are finding it difficult like me, but I’m hearing similar things among my poly friends.
There are some bright spots for my love life, though. I am getting to spend much more quality time with my wife, which is wonderful. We’ve been together for 16 years but usually don’t get to spend much time with each other because we’re both busy with friends and sports. It’s usually just Thursday nights that we have together.
She doesn’t have other partners, but has been supporting me really well with how much I’ve been missing mine. At the beginning of lockdown I told her that she would be responsible for all the hugs I need now because she’s the only partner I get to see.
But the truth is that when lockdown is lifted, I’m sure that things will go back to normal. It’s nice to see more of her, but I miss the others in my life.
As told to Helen Chandler-Wilde
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