The latest episode of NWA Carnyland is up, and it features an impassioned (and serious) plea by Eddie Kingston for racial equality followed by the opening hijinks of the mayor’s race. You can see the full video and a recap below:
– The video kicks off with Eddie Kingston talking about how it’s 2020 and it’s time to stop with the racism. No black man, woman or child should fear for their child every day in their own country just because of the color of their skin. He says, “Let it go. Stop. You’re wrong, there’s nothing else to it!” He says we’re all human beings, we all bleed, we all die. We all laugh, we all cry. He understands anger — he will never understand the anger that all African Americans are feeling right now and he won’t act like he does. But he knows anger. He was born angry and lived angry for many years. All it did was eat him up inside and he never won anything. He used to throw up every fight because he was filled with anger. Who’s hurting? He was, because of his anger and hatred. He knows about hatred, and all it did was hurt him and the ones he loved until he found something he enjoyed and entertained him which was pro wrestling. As a kid he’d watch Monday nights and wait for ECW to come on on MSG, and he wasn’t on the street because he wanted to be entertained. So from this point forward, every single match he has, every promo, whatever he does in pro wrestling is now dedicated to all those families that have lost loved ones because of racism, and every young black male and female who have died because of racism. They’re all dedicated to them.
– Previously on Carnyland: Billy Corgan announced the first election to determine the mayor of Carnyland.
– Stu Bennett’s voice appears and says that they’re one week in the future — or he is. Being the narrator, he has special powers like making Joe Galli disappear. And he can time travel. And one week in the future, the media is assembled to announce someone stepping down from the mayor’s race. So one of the people we meet on tonight’s show will be out by next week. The problem with time travel though is that he can’t go backward and so he’s stuck until we catch up.
– We then see Nick Aldis and Strictly Business talking with Royce Isaacs over the internet. Nick says one of them will run for mayor, and they’ve done ads for Tom and Kamille, which we then see the ads, with Tom seeming very aggressive and Kamille’s ending with an actual threat: “Vote Kamille, or I will end all of you.” Nick says Royce isn’t being excluded and he has an ad too, which will be run by focus groups. They show it to Royce and it’s much goofier. Royce is speechless.
– CARNYLAND BREAKING NEWS: Joe Galli reveals the format of the election, which will start with a primary phase. The top two vote getters will face off for the mayorship. He will not be running as the media will be important and it must be fair and impartial. Joe then gets a telegram from Future Stu that says no matter where he is, he will always point out Joe is not fair and impartial.
– Eli Drake appears at a campaign rally (call me crazy, but I don’t think that audience is legit) and says some came because they believe in the shoes of a champion, while others came because they also believe in the shoes of a champion. Others believe in what Carnyland can be. He’s not from Carnyland, and none of them are. They’ve heard the call and it’s not easy to answer because it’s unlisted and who wants to hear from telemarketers. But he hears his true call and he has an obligation as Tag Team Champion to be a Champion of Carnyland. He hypes them up and says they want someone to lead them through the darkness, craziness and confusion. He’s heard the call and today he’s announcing his candidacy for mayor of Carnyland.
– Next up, Entice Zicky Dice appears with a special message to everyone in Carnyland. When he heard Carnyland was moving to having a mayor he was scared and confused. It sounds like a lot of work, but after some deep searching and consulting with expensive consultants, he’s throwing his hat into the ring to become the first Carnyland mayor. He tells people to bring a friend, bring mayonaisse, be able to lick their own back with video proof, give him money, invest in property and bring more friends. Thievery is okay. And oh yeah, more friends (but 8s at a minimum), candles, earrings, buy his T-Shirt and more mayonaisse. He is caught by his partner rubbing mayo on his mouth. Yep, that happened.
– It’s more Talking the Time with the Question Mark. Someone from Paris, Tennessee is on the line and asks dating advice from someone she met on Bumble Bee, Mongrovia’s #1 dating app. She asks if she can trust the guy, and he answers, “Pineapple Armageddon.”
– Nick is at his computer looking at the numbers and they’re terrible. He answers the phone and talks about the bad numbers, asking when the person on the other end can be there. The doorbell rings and Danny Deals is there, having been the person on the other line.
– An ad for NWA Into the Fire on DVD is nex, along with an ad for Marti Belle’s new shirt.
– Jocephus wants to run for mayor of Carnyland even though he’s not part of the NWA. He does a very bad pseudo-rap seeking write-in votes.
– TRUE CARNYLAND STORIES: May talks about her life before Royce in Las Vegas, hopping casinos and hanging out with boy bands, and talks about meeting a friend crying about having to go back to Brazil. They made a wish and a resident magician showed up. They made him prove it and he did, then asked the friend to marry him. He had a ring and proposed, and she said, “Yes.” A limo was already waiting and they went to get married with the magician, a clown, a pirate, Elvis, and the bride-to-be. She tried to talk the magician out of it and he magicked solutions to every problem she gave. The night went on gloriously and when they got to the chapel, it was closed. She was relieved but the magician insisted the wedding take place at 8 AM. She investigated the man and her friend woke up with a credit card alert that it had been stolen. He was an identity thief and the police arrested him. She said not to tell Royce about any of it because what happens in Carnyland stays in Carnyland.
– We get a vignette for Thunder Rosa advertising her for mayor as someone who is as real as it gets and will fight for Carnyland’s citiizens. She won’t say please.
– A Mongrovia Unmasked video features Aaron Stevens talking about Mongrovia Trade and Commerce: no one trades with Mongrovia. However, they make contributions to the world and their greatest export is karate. The Question Mark is one of the greatest practitioners, a 10th degree black belt in Mongrovian karate. When one earns that rank, they don’t wear a belt anymore. Mongrovian karate is so secret that the only person to practice it outside of Mongrovia is Stevens himself, who is a 3rd degree black belt.
– BREAKING NEWS: Aron Stevens has put his name in the hat for mayor of Carnyland. He says he’s been conspicous by his absence from Carnyland but it hasn’t been without thought. He’s been forced to make the difficult decision to jump into a situation he knows nothing about but is proud to announce his candidacy. He says this while insulting Carnyland’s people.
– We get a video for Ester Addington, who is apparently the inspiration for Rosie the Riviter and an inspiration for women’s suffrage and the jitterbug. She lost the election for mayor of Burlington, Vermont in 1981 by 10 votes. She’s the oldest student to attend U of Michigan Dearborn, where she met Allysin Kay. She is running for mayor, and so is Allysin.
– Allysin and XXX talk about how shocked they are that Esther’s running. XX asks if Allysin is sure about running because you have to be personable and approachable, and Kay has resting bitch face. She says Esther will do whatever she has to and needs to smile more. Allysin works on her smile. It does not go well. They’ll practice later.
– Joe Galli has confirmed that Thunder Rosa, Zickie Dice, Allysin Kay, Eli Drake, Aaron Stevens, and Esther Addington are running. As to who is running from Strictly Business — he gets a telegram from Future Stu, who asks him to water his plants and get him some throat spray.
– Danny Deals talks with Nick about the plans for the election. Polling numbers are bad for two of them. Royce’s numbers are — maybe good? Maybe not? Anyway, Danny says Nick needs to be running. He’s the Worlds Heavyweight Champion. Kamille destroyed the women’s demographic and Tom’s not polling with anyone alive. Nick’s the guy. Danny asks if Nick checked the ad he made, and we see it. It’s much more impressive than the other three’s ad. Nick is convinced and says he’s gonna win.
NEXT WEEK: Someone drops out.
If you use any of this recap, please credit 411mania.com.