It should be common knowledge now but it’s worth reiterating just for posterity’s sake: looks aren’t everything when it comes to dating – your personality and attitude are crucial too.
But what do you do if you have no personality? Or if the things that constitute your personality just aren’t conventionally interesting?
That’s the conundrum this female Redditor found themselves in and took to /r/dating_advice for a little perspective.
The advice commenters gave her is a goldmine for any single out who is worried they are too boring to date – whatever gender they are.
“[I’ve] run into a bit of a roadblock in my dating life. I have difficulty connecting with others, I think in large part because I come across as pretty boring on paper.”
“In the ‘getting to know you’ phase I tell the other person that I like to sew, knit, bake, and occasionally garden. My ideal night is sitting on my couch watching a history documentary while knitting with a glass of wine. I dabble in other stuff, I paint and draw, volunteer with a local cat rescue, listen to podcasts, occasionally go on hikes, watch anime and read manga. But ultimately I lead a pretty low-key lifestyle. I have some ‘weirder’ interests; I draw recreations of unidentified decedents [dead people], I enjoy true crime, and I have a morbid fascination with fundamentalist Christians. But none of those seem like appropriate first date conversations.”
“I’m not expecting people to have the same interests as me… that’s a nice way to bond with someone, but not necessary. But when people ask about my interests and I tell them sewing, knitting, and baking they don’t believe me and ask what else I do for fun? This usually follows after a conversation where I ask detailed questions about their interests, history, passions, etc. even if it may not necessarily interest me.”
“I’m limited to some degree due to my health in pursuing more popular, active hobbies. But I don’t think you need to share every interest ever to connect with someone? I would be more than happy to try out a new hobby with someone but so many people seem to think I have the personality equivalent of flour because of my interests.”
The irony here is that most people would consider such an extensive ‘social resume’ to be hallmarks of a very interesting person. Okay, drawing pictures of dead bodies is a little morbid, but it’s not like they’re out there graverobbing or something.
That seemed to be the consensus among other Redditors, who were quick to point out how this was nothing but self-consciousness.
“So as a guy I don’t think there is anything wrong with your hobbies,” one responded.
“Tons of guys aren’t interested in the ‘party at the club’ types, I know, I’m one of them. I’d much rather have a night in, cuddled on the couch with someone I care about, than going to a club or bar. Just be honest about who you are, the right person will like you for being yourself, not who you pretend to be. Your openness to trying new hobbies with someone is a big plus.”
“If you are in-fact asking detailed questions, you would 100% not be boring to me,” another commenter agreed.
“The most boring dates I have been on are the girls that just answer your question and have zero follow up questions/conversation starters… The only feedback I can offer is, do you say those hobbies with passion or do you just expect they will be bored with it and just kind of change the subject quickly? Passion is attractive in my opinion, no matter what you are doing.”
Another summed it up best: “everything you wrote makes you sound incredibly interesting. I think conversing with you would be fascinating provided you don’t hold back. The only thing that could be boring is how you perceive yourself, which can be changed.”
I need to work on not getting offended when @bumble matches unmatch me before I even message.
— datingisdumbblog (@datingisdumbbl1) August 14, 2020
Indeed, our heroine took this advice to heart and updated the subreddit with a new post this week, sharing how they’ve since discovered dating success.
“There’s definitely someone out there that has the same or complementary interests as you,” they shared with a renewed optimism.
“The world is too big for there not to be! Even if you begin to lose hope make sure you’re in a position to at least have the chance to meet that person, don’t decide they wouldn’t be interested before you even give them a chance to meet you.”
At the end of the day, this Reddit saga proves two things: firstly, that everyone suffers from the same dating concerns and insecurities, and secondly, that there’s really somewhere out there for everyone.