Most of us have experienced ghosting – here’s how to deal with it and avoid doing it to others. Photo / Getty Images
Ghosting is nothing new, but unlike the ghosts of the October 31 variety, it continues to haunt us year-round.
And with Halloween fast approaching, you’ll want to make sure the spooky day is more “boo” than “boohoo”.
Whether you’re finding it tough to end a long-enduring flirty exchange and struggling to communicate why, or you’re the one left wondering why you’ve been ghosted, it can be a horror show for all involved.
Bumble’s Lucille McCart spoke to the Herald with some tips on how to avoid the dating scaries this Halloween weekend.
How to score a date this Halloween weekend
McCart says the key in 2020 comes down to an excellent online dating profile.
“Only a few days to score a Halloween date and it’s important that you create an engaging profile,” she says.
“Photos are really important to communicate about yourself. You should have a mix of different types of photos, not just selfies. First, you should have a clear, recent photo of yourself.
“Make sure you’ve got all your profile badges on there – your star sign, whether you want kids – and a witty bio. It’s important to give off a positive vibe.”
How to handle ghosting
Ghosting occurs when someone you’ve been dating/talking to stops responding for no apparent reason. We’ve all been there, whether we’ve been on the receiving end or we’re guilty of ghosting others.
“Bumble has a clear anti-ghosting policy,” McCart says. “It can really affect people.
“Instead of communicating that they’re no longer interested, they just bow out of the conversation. But you have to remember that the problem is with their communication skills, not with you.
“Ghosting is intended to spare someone’s feelings but it has the opposite effect. If you experience ghosting, don’t stress – take a day to sit on the couch and eat some ice cream, then get back out there. There’s plenty more hot girls and guys on Bumble waiting to match with you!”
McCart says we shouldn’t overthink it – going on a few dates with someone isn’t a huge commitment, so ending the flirtation shouldn’t be a big deal either.
“Instead of ghosting them, send them a friendly message saying you don’t think there’s a romantic spark there but you’re happy to stay in touch as friends. It’ll come across as much less harsh.”
Has lockdown made ghosting easier?
Online dating became the norm when Kiwi singles were stuck at home during lockdown – but has this made ghosting more common? After all, it’s a lot easier to reject someone from the comfort of your couch via a screen than face to face.
But McCart says our experiences with lockdown may have actually made us more self-aware of our behaviours when it comes to online dating.
“With all the focus on mental health and wellbeing, people are more aware of how they’re treating other people,” she says.
“People are very fatigued at the moment – they might not feel up to going on a date, but if they’re not keen to meet up, don’t take it personally.
“If you do find the idea of going on a physical date a bit daunting at the moment, the video chat feature in the app is a great stepping stone.”
McCart says the app saw a huge increase in the number of people using the video chat feature over lockdown.
“We’ve seen a huge increase in video chats. It’s a nice way to chat while staying at home, from the comfort of your couch if you’re not quite ready for a date.”