Photo courtesy of Zoosk
“Hey gorgeous, mothers day is 266 days away, if you come over tonight I can get your pregnant and take you out to a cute mothers day brunch ? ”
What I’m wondering about dating apps in 2019 is where these people get the audacity? Since when is anything like “Hey are you busy I’m looking for a stable short relationship and I just got out go jail so I want to get laid tonight”, or “You deserve your own Disney princess movie, you’re so beautiful and if you want your guts rearranged, I’m hung” even remotely acceptable? Like, I genuinely want to know if that has EVER worked on anyone, or if they’re only saying things like this because of the safety of a computer screen between us. My personal opinion is that dating apps have ruined the personal approach and peoples willingness to be a decent human being because why bother when you could verbally harass someone in the comfort of your own home. Please note, this wasn’t even Tinder, this was OKCupid and Bumble Relationship. I was not looking for hookups on the supposedly more “relationship” geared sites. I was asked so many times to drive 50+ miles to come and sleep over at a stagers house within the first 2 hours of messaging with them. That’s when I realized no one was looking for anything serious, and that my best bet was to not go and get roofied with the promises of wine and puppies.
“This passed year has been horrendous for me, so much drama and family emergencies ? Please sit on my face it will be the best day of your life”
Filtering through the repulsive messages, declining each request for pictures of my feet or offering to pay me “Thousands of dollars to just be my gf for one day” was exhausting. Once you get rid of 98% of them, the 2% that’s left either never respond or shortly turn like the rest. And of course when you say no to their offerings, YOU’RE bitch for not letting them send you dick pis at 4am. While the promise of “my hairline is receding and so is your ovaries ability to make a good egg, we both know why we’re here” is so tempting, I just can’t bring myself to actually go on a date with any of these fools. Dating apps, I feel, are the online forum for creeps to catcall online. I ended up deleting all my accounts after a few months because I felt so drained from the constant inappropriate advances.
“10:39 pm Hey sexy… 11:09pm Hey Gorgeous… 2:37am Hey, u ok?… 8:14am Hey, are u into bondage?”
Towards the end, I accepted defeat and realized there was no one respectable enough that I was going to meet online and my sister and I enjoyed laughing while we read through the messages. My best advice for any woman who wants to test the waters of online dating, don’t. You’re better off meeting people in person. That way it’s face to face and they probably won’t say anything to horrifying if they’re a normal human being. Normal people won’t come up to you in bar and ask you “If you want to be my girlfriend, I’d lift up your skirt in public 24/7”. Good Luck out there ladies!