I got Stoomed by a guy last week. Yep. STOOMED.
A bunch of pandemic-related terms have entered our vocabulary this year — ‘social distancing’, ‘lockdown’, ‘digital dating’. Now I present ‘Stooming’, for when someone stands you up on Zoom.
OK, so I totally made this one up. But I read somewhere that ‘Zumping’ is the new dating term for being dumped on Zoom, so I guess ‘Stooming’ can be a thing now, too.
Virtual dating has become the new norm for singles in this era of COVID-courtship, and for the most part, it’s working quite nicely. Instead of agreeing to meet someone for a date in a bar or restaurant, you set up a time to meet them on a screen.
Video platforms like Zoom, FaceTime and WhatsApp all offer a safe, convenient and relatively easy way to get to know someone. It’s also a handy way to screen potential matches.
So, I’d organised a digital drinks date with a guy last week. He suggested we Zoom at 7pm, so I set it up and sent him the link. I showered, put on a little makeup, set a cute backdrop, logged in at 7 and then I sat there like an idiot, waiting.
By 7:15, I started wondering if I’d misunderstood the arrangement. I re-read the messages. We had clearly agreed to a Zoom date at 7. I waited until 7:30 before accepting that he was definitely MIA.
Look, I generally like to give people the benefit of the doubt, because you never know what’s going on in someone else’s world. Sick kid? Dead phone battery? Emergency meeting?
I do think it’s usually pretty reasonable to shoot someone a quick message if your plans change, but I also realise s–t happens.
I messaged him a couple of hours later, asking if everything was OK — no reply. The next morning — still nothing. Which is when I realised either something really terrible had happened to the guy, or he’d been abducted by aliens. Or… I’d been stood up.
My suspicions were confirmed when I never heard from him again, but also found out the same guy hit up a girlfriend on Tinder a few days later.
Yep, I’d absolutely been stood up. On Zoom. Stoomed.
While we’re creating this whole new ridiculous dating language, I’d like to add ‘pan-ghosting’ to the list, for when you’re ghosted during a pandemic. And if you’re dumped on FaceTime, should we call that a ‘Face-Dump’? Maybe it’s safer to just call any kind of pandemic-related dumping ‘Pan-Dumping’. The ‘COVID-Dump’ doesn’t sound right either, does it?
It really doesn’t matter what you call it — being Zumped or Stoomed or pan-ghosted is every bit as confusing and disappointing as it was back in the good old pre-coronavirus days, when Berger dumped Carrie on a Post-It note.
You’re still left wondering what you said or did, or what you didn’t say or do, that made you suddenly undesirable. And it sucks.
At least when it happened in the comfort of my own living room, there was no one else there to witness my humiliation. And I didn’t have to waste any money on an Uber for that loser.