When you’re a woman online, you are inundated with messages running the gamut from pithy and witty, all the way to disgusting and offensive.
Unwilling to make a return to Tinderland, I decided it was time to sign up with Bumble, and see for myself what all the buzz was about.
I entered the hive and immediately started getting stung.
At first glance, there are few differences between Bumble and Tinder. Both use a ‘swipe’ platform (which in some cases, leads to a ‘swab’ appointment).
Where Bumble differs from Tinder is that when both Bumblers swipe right, only the woman may make initial contact, and has 24 hours in which to do so, before the match goes up in smoke.
Initiating contact is not something I’ve ever been comfortable with, however, despite my discomfort, having to make the first move promised to weed out the erroneous garbage that seems to go along with online dating, and so I forged ahead.
What I didn’t realize was how a big a blow my ego was in for.
So many accounts weren’t in use, or at least, that was what I started telling myself as my phone remained radio silent.
With Tinder, I would shut it off daily to obtain some peace and quiet.
No matter the site, there is that one classic idiot that posts an uncropped photo of himself and his wife from their wedding day.
But Bumble was also host to a barrage of profiles belonging to men with whom I’d already been on dates with, which begs the question of who’s swiping left faster, you or them?
If I did manage to make a match, I would prove how dismal I was with opening the lines of communication.
Most of my attempts to start a conversation were outright ignored.
When they did start, I’d be asked ‘red flag’ questions: Are you bold? (Only in print). Are you a tease? (You’d have to ask my cat).
Nobody seemed to appreciate my responses.
I managed to make two dates, but the first one cancelled three hours before we were to meet, with a work excuse and ‘let’s reschedule soon.’
Incidentally, ‘soon’ translates loosely to ‘never’.
This was followed by the guy that treated the entire date like a job interview, in which I failed.
This dating swipe culture we have created for ourselves is quite alarming.
I can say with confidence that I now know how men must feel in the online world.
I suspect that the reason they use this app is to exact revenge on women for years of our online ignorance.
For an app that is designed to cut down on the garbage, it seems that I ended up in a landfill.