Do you order clothes online? Probably. Do they always fit? Probably not. And that’s even when size is pretty much the only thing you cannot determine looking at a photo. Now, imagine having hundreds of different criteria assessed by you when choosing a date—consciously and unconsciously. Why do you then think online dating and dating apps are not a complete lottery? You might as well be tapping on anonymous profiles and the odds would remain pretty much the same.
Finding a proper partner eventually requires a real-life situation and only then are you able to assess what is important and what you are looking for in a person. And even then, this is usually done by feeling and not thinking.
So, what are dating apps lacking?
The discussion over dating industry and the enormity of online dating business to some extent mirror its ineffectiveness in serving its purpose—finding dates. The online dating industry has not only grown in its size immensely, but has also deepened in terms of variety of dating websites. Nowadays you can pretty much get anything you are looking for in terms of a search criteria. And with the rise of apps the trend has only accelerated. But there’s still a very apparent lack in general satisfaction as to what these sites and apps are delivering. At the end of the day, if they were delivering, we wouldn’t be seeing them spread so much, right!?
So why do dating sites keep failing to meet a lot of users’ satisfaction? Why aren’t they getting people what they are really looking for? Without really assuming a lot of people do not even know what they are looking for—and putting aside the dissatisfaction arising from the actual overflow of sites and apps is itself a problem—the search for the right app still remains.
First of all, when someone searches for dates over internet, what they are really searching for is often not what they are really looking for. And that is a partner. Confused? Well, it is actually quite simple. If someone is looking for a lifelong partner and their criteria screams out adrenaline and excitement they will pretty surely be disappointed after the butterflies are gone.
But even if this is not the case and they do in fact connect with someone who is looking for a serious relationship, the profiles people set up are not very realistic descriptions of themselves, but rather their idealised view of what they should be like.
Now, imagine the double distortion this creates in perception of two people meeting. On one hand, you have two people setting up their profile in a distorted manner and according to their idealised perception of themselves, and on the other hand you have these same people projecting their ideal of a perfect partner onto their match. This calls for trouble. Two people meeting this way would later on most probably be meeting in a real life situation, which would most probably have little resemblance with the ideal they each had in mind.
You might be thinking this is a not a common problem. Well, from what I am seeing working with clients, it is not rare at all and people do turn for help because of repetitive disappointment they are experiencing because of the illusion they have of relationships. People have all along been falling in love with their fantasies and online dating that detaches the process even more from real life further enhances this problem.
Online dating and dating apps lack real life connection and they lack adult rationale in choosing a partner—they can help, but they won’t do the work for you.