I inspected a friend’s Tinder profile the other day.
It’s something a lot of friends ask me to do (others don’t ask, but I grab their phone and do it anyway) because not only have I written a lot about dating, I dated for 10 years before meeting my partner.
I’ve made all the mistakes, like going speed dating, which is THE WORST, but have also picked up a lot of valuable tips.
As well as helping my gal pal update her photos (nobody wants to have to figure out which one you are in a group) and actually write something in her profile (use the words, all the words) there was another glaring issue: her distance settings.
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They were basically set to only meet men in the next street. Well, not quite that bad, but they were something like 7km, which really isn’t that far.
It’s an old cliche, but a valid one: “You need to widen your horizons,” I told her.
While we all know somebody who shacked up with their next-door neighbour or the guy who sat next to them at work, most of us are more likely to land a date with Zac Efron than have that happen.
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I remember interviewing former Married at First Sight expert Mel Schilling, who told me I should look as far afield as INTERSTATE for a partner.
Wherever we live, we all have notions that we don’t want to date somebody from “across the bridge” or from ‘that’ suburb.
But there are more important priorities to set — like if the person’s values align with ours, and if they’re considerate, kind, and whatever other qualities you want in a partner.
My friend argued that she doubted a man would travel further than a few kilometres to meet her. And that’s true. Many won’t.
Many blokes these days want you to be delivered to their apartment, like an Uber Eats. If you won’t, well they’ll swipe until they find somebody who will.
But do you know what? The right one will travel. And wouldn’t you sit on a train for 40 minutes, an hour, longer if it meant you found your perfect partner?
We all know how hard it is to find somebody. It’s a numbers game. But by limiting your distance, you’re restricting the amount of guys that will pop up.
And if things work out, you wouldn’t be the first person to move house for love.
My partner lived in America when he met me, while on holiday in Australia.
I could easily have stopped chatting to him when I discovered this, but I didn’t, and he moved here permanently to be with me.
So, I say increase those location settings to as wide as they will go, and you might find a date that will go the distance.