#dating | Is Love An Addiction?

There definitely is no one right answer to the question “what is love?” The dictionary says that love is an intense affection for another person based on personal feelings or family. Love to me is a relative term because it means different things to different people, based off of different relations to those we claim to “love” it is not a merely a feeling, don’t we all have feelings all day long that come and go and change as fast as the thoughts in our heads? So to say love is just a feeling does not make much sense to me.  I think it is more about the ways in which our minds perceive another person, not so much about what you feel about them.

If you fall in love with someone based off idiotic reasons like; his/her eyes, lips or face, booty, etc.  sorry but that is not love, it’s lust or infatuation. Love is when you don’t know why you seem to be attracted to a person, and you think about and worry about that person throughout the day (in a non-psycho way). You are drawn to them in a way that is not explainable, that is because real love has its own reasons that maybe we are not supposed to understand.

When you are apart, you will miss watching him smile, laughing with him about stupid things, talking to him, just the nearness of his skin to yours. In love we tell him everything, and want to know more and more about him, we try to spend most of our free time with him, and we see him with our heart, minds, and eyes, not just with our “feelings”. He can cheer you up with a hug, you will feel a tinge of jealousy when he mentions a hot chick or his favorite VS model, and his stupid joke would make you laugh more than the best comedy show. But we do know that he is not the sun to our earth, as much as they mean to you, as hard as life would be to move one without them, you know that you would.

Many never find a happy balance or can’t seem to find love that lasts. This is because like a drug addiction, they continue to chase that initial high feelings of infatuation, leaving them unable to form long-lasting bonds. The inability to maintain a relationship beyond the initial attraction can be caused by low self-esteem, lack of relationship role models, or a desire to chase the perfect, happily-ever-after romance that does not exist, hence you never feel fulfilled by anyone because what you are chasing is not real.Love addiction is when you think you cannot survive without them and that you are not a whole person if not in a relationship. These tend to be the people who fall madly in love with everyone that they become involved with, instead of seeing people for who they are and knowing when someone is wrong for them. They cling to the idea of love, when there is usually not even a sliver of it in any of their relationships.

Love is not butterflies and cloud nine, it is finding someone who when the butterflies are long gone, they are still there standing beside you, holding your hand, while giving you space and room to be you. This is because although the euphoria and feeling of “new lust” feels good,  genuine love is knowing and being known by another person. It is about building intimacy through honesty and sharing of oneself and having that type of bond feels even better.

Genuine love is maintaining two individual life’s, yet being able to look in the same direction together.

Addictive behaviors and mental sets push genuine love and intimacy away. An addiction dulls both positive and painful feelings and prevents us from knowing our self and we cannot share what we do not know, meaning genuine intimacy cannot flourish where an addiction is present. A “love addiction” is stereotypic appearance of love. It is not about love. Any addiction is about unhealthy dependency and about poor self esteem. It is about a fear of abandonment and about an impaired sense of identity. It is about holding on to a relationship at all costs, whether it is a physical and or mental drain on your life and health.

The difference between love and love addiction is simple “in love” knows they have their own life to live with or without their partner. They always have a sense of their own identity and personal power and do not look solely to their beloved for purpose and meaning. This is not true of anyone in an addictive relationship. Love addicts are terrified of being alone; they can be suicidal when a relationship ends, they cling too long to unhealthy or even dangerous relationships rather than face their fears and pains.

All of us at some point have developed some addictive qualities in our love partnerships. Especially women, relationships are critical for women in general, to have a sense of personal satisfaction and fulfillment. This is true even when a woman is not a love addict. Some of us learn that we do not need to be attached to any one person or in any one relationship in order to survive and survive well, while some never seem to grasp this.  The gaining of self knowledge is the most important aspect of intimacy. Facing our inner shame and emptiness is essential in order to move past it and learn to share our selves with another. Learning healthy ways to deal with this pain and learning new and honest behaviors are a must

“In order to pursue an addiction, individuals must progressively abandon themselves,”  In order to pursue health, happiness and intimacy in a non addictive way we must progressively claim and reclaim or own self, our own soul.

So in closing my un-scientific hypothesis is: No, if someone is addicted to another or feels addicted to love itself, than this is not genuine love for another, it is genuine internal issues that need to be dealt with before an addict will ever have a real shot at knowing, not feeling genuine, lasting love.

“You are my own personal brand of heroine” is only romantic to hear when Edward says this to Bella in Twilight, in real life, it is just scary!

Know yourself well or never know another at all.


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