#datingadvice | Inside the Secret World of a Dominatrix…

What Does a Dominatrix Do? Go Behind the Scenes of BDSM… 

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When you hear the word “dominatrix,” what do you see?

A girl dressed in a leather catsuit…?

Maybe she’s holding a whip…?

Or some handcuffs…?

It’s normal to think that being a dominatrix is all about whips, chains, and pain…but this isn’t the whole story!

Meet the Pornstar And Ex-Dominatrix Who’s Baring It All for You…

I’m Lyra Law, pornstar and ex-Dom…and today I’m gonna show you what being a dominatrix is REALLY like. 😉  (Maybe you read my last article on here about my favorite oral sex technique.)

As a pornstar, I have all different kinds of sex…so I’m no stranger to BDSM. In fact, I first got my start in the industry as a dominatrix!

You might say I jumped into it “head-first”…and I absolutely fell in love with it. And while I’m not a Dom anymore…I still think about it from time to time.

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And what I’ve realized is that most people have NO idea what really goes on in the world of Doms, Subs, and BDSM.

So I want to share with you the 4 biggest misconceptions guys have about what being a dominatrix is really like.

Ready to get started?

Beginning with myth #1:

 

Myth #1: Men Are Always Doms And Women Are Always Subs

A lot of people assume that men are always the more “dominant” sexual force…this is so not true!

As an ex-Dom, I know firsthand how many women absolutely love being Doms…and how many men only want to be a Sub.

Personally, I love being in control in the bedroom…it makes me feel powerful, which is a huge turn-on.

On top of that, a lot of men are used to being in control of every aspect of their lives…so being a Sub is sort of a “release” for them. It allows them to let everything go, and let someone else (like me) take the reigns for once.

So if you’ve ever fantasized about being completely dominated by a woman…you’re not alone. It’s actually quite common. 🙂

Which brings me to the next common misconception about the world of BDSM…

 

Myth #2: It’s All About Whips, Chains, And Pain

I won’t lie…whips and chains are absolutely a part of being a dominatrix. So is pain.

But that’s not all there is to it! It’s much more nuanced than that.

As a dominatrix, my job is to pleasure you…but you have to relinquish control before I can do that.

While some guys see whips and chains as the easiest way to relinquish this control…there are other ways.

For example, some guys get off on being my “pet.” They get on all fours and I “walk” them.

I’ve also dressed up as Hitler’s mistress…

Played “doctor…

Used catheters and injections…

And if you think that’s weird, that’s just the tip of the iceberg: One guy even asked to smell my farts once.

Do you see how “relinquishing control” can mean very different things to different people?

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Speaking of people, a lot of guys think that only “weirdos” would go see a dominatrix.

In reality, 99% of my clients are normal, working-class straight men. They’re just looking for a little something “extra.”

They treat women with respect and are 100% sane…I just give them the release they’re looking for. 😉

 

Myth #3 – The Dom Is In Control

Dominatrix = dominating…right?

OK, yes. But that’s not the whole story.

The Dom and the Sub have a very special relationship — the Dom’s job is ultimately to give the Sub an orgasm, so in reality, the Sub has the power.

While the Dom does handle most of the “action” in bed, the Sub usually calls the shots.

The Sub sets the boundaries and limits — like a safe word — and the Dom can only do what the Sub will allow.

For example, if you see a video of a Dom dripping candle wax onto a Sub, this is something the Sub previously requested. It’s what the Sub wants.

And this relationship requires a lot of trust on both ends. The Sub trusts that the Dom won’t overstep her (or his) boundaries…

And the Dom trusts that the Sub is relinquishing 100% of his (or her) control…not 95%. Not 97%. 100%.

This kind of agreement allows the Dom to take the Sub to a new headspace…I call it the “Sub space.” It’s here where the fun can finally begin. 

 

Myth #4: You’re Either A Dom Or A Sub…Not Both

I’ve done a lot of work as a Dominatrix…and don’t get me wrong, I f’in love being in charge…

But I also loooove being a Sub.

People who enjoy both roles — being a Dom and a Sub — are what we in the industry call a “Switch.”

A Switch is someone who can “switch” between the two roles, depending on how they’re feeling and the circumstances.

For example, if a guy can’t dominate me in bed every once in a while, I’ll be missing something from my sex life…I need the give and take to be balanced in order to be completely satisfied.

What turns me on most in a guy is someone who’s comfortable with both being in control and relinquishing control…in my personal life, I need somebody who can do both.

So what does a Dom/Sub relationship really look like in the bedroom?

It looks however you want it to look!

What’s great about these roles is that you and your partner can define them any way you please.

If you’re a Dom who’s into bondage, then introduce a short crop (a kind of whip) or maybe a blindfold in the bedroom…start small, and gradually increase the pain.

While I’ll admit I enjoy the more “extreme” sex acts, the Dom/Sub relationship isn’t all about pain.

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There’s a gray area between “vanilla” sex and full-on BDSM…it’s whatever you want it to be. 🙂

Beyond the world of BDSM, there is one more “industry secret” I have to share with you…

It’s about the kind of sex that drives girls like me f’in nuts…the kind of sex she’ll never forget…the kind that gets her borderline “addicted” to you…

Although “addicted” isn’t quite the right word…us girls in the industry call it “c**k drunk.”

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“Sounds like someone’s gone c**k drunk!” My co-star Edyn told me…

I had spent the last hour telling her all about my f–k buddy “Burt”…how “full” he felt inside me…how I went down on him for half an hour that morning…mmm, I’m getting turned on just thinking about it…

But “c**k drunk”?? That’s a first. “What the hell does THAT mean?” I asked her…

She gave me a pouty frown…”You didn’t watch my video, did you?”

She had sent it to me that morning…but I was “working”… 😉

She pulled out her phone…”Here, just watch,” she said, pressing play:

The video said:

“If a guy can give me the pleasure I crave…if he can turn me on the way I want…well, I’ll keep coming back to him day after day…and for one reason only: I want his c**k inside me. It’s what I call being ‘c**k drunk’.”

So I WASN’T crazy! All those urges…how I needed his manhood 24/7…thinking about him during EVERY scene at work…the sheet-soaking “night orgasms”…I was just c**k drunk.

I never knew how to put it into words…but you can watch Edyn show you, step-by-step, how to do it here:

Pornstar Edyn Blair: “How to Get Me C**K Drunk on YOU” (Warning: NSFW!)

If You Want to Experiment With “Rough” Sex Or Get Her to Unleash Her Kinkier Side…

… then I’ve got good news:

Universally, almost all women like sex to be at least a LITTLE rough (myself included)…

And there are some rough moves, which are on the safer side, that give women extraordinary pleasure… without really risking going too far.

Deep down, almost all women CRAVE these rough sex moves…

… though because we don’t want to be “judged” or come off as a “sl*t”

… we usually won’t open up about it, until the man takes the initiative and gets a little rough with us first. 😉

Just click the move you want to know more about below:

1) The Dominant Hand-Hold

2) The S&M Spank

3) The Goldilocks Choke

P.S. This is embarrassing to admit, but I came in like 2 minutes the last time a guy did this to me lol… would you try it?

[Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on June 10, 2020.]
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