Saying you want a relationship on your dating profile isn’t a bad thing. Sure, putting on the LTR badge can be scary (LTR means long-term relationship, for those of you not familiar with dating app speak). But in the end, you’ll be glad you did. Why? Because it actually helps you overall.
The reason is obvious: Even though it’s changing, the majority of people want long-term relationships. In fact, fewer than 1 in 10 young Americans have never married and say they do not want to get married, according to Gallup. That leaves a whole bunch of people who, if they’re not married now, probably want to be — even if they have been before. So, telling people you want a relationship likely won’t scare anyone away.
That is … as long as you say it right. After all, your fears could be true in some cases. For example, saying you want a relationship might come off as needy to some people. Or, women who only want to casually date might swipe left once they see that. Still, there are ways to say you want a relationship that will make it work in your favor.
Let’s take a look at the reasons why you should say you want a relationship on your profile, and see how to make that statement work for you, instead of against you.
Why You Should Say You Want a Relationship
In the dating world, most women typically want a relationship. Not all of them, obviously, but more so than not. So if you actually want one too, why hide that fact? Don’t let her make the mistake of assuming you’re not serious, when you are.
It will also boost your image in a few key ways, such as …
You’ll Come Across as Confident
Saying you want a relationship in your profile demonstrates that you know what you want, as long as you are specific. Let me explain. If you just put “looking for a relationship” on your profile without any context, that could turn women off simply because it’s too vague. Without knowing exactly what you’re looking for, they might read that and think you’re talking about wanting an LTR with any woman, immediately.
But what If you were to say something like this?
“Smart, athletic, kind, driven, thoughtful. Looking for her.”
Now you’re telling your audience that:
- You know what you want, because you’ve taken the time to list specific characteristics.
- You are looking for it actively, because you’ve said so.
- You’re not afraid to go after the things you want, because you weren’t afraid to put this on your profile.
- You are waiting to find it before you try to commit, because you’ve established you’re not looking for just anyone.
You’ll Appear to Be More High-Value
A statement like the one above tells a woman that you’re selective, which is a very desirable quality. Again, it’s very different than saying just “looking for a relationship,” which isn’t defined and could even seem desperate in some cases. But a guy who says exactly what he’s looking for not only comes across as more confident, but more high-value as well. Only a guy who actually is a “catch” would risk waiting for a woman with certain characteristics while weeding out others who still would make good partners.
You’ll Make Her Want to Compete for You
Demonstrating that you are selective instills a sense of competition in a woman and makes her subconsciously compete for your affections. I dated a guy during my 100-Date Experiment who said this and I liked it for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it challenged me as a woman.
In other words, it made me want to be “that one.” It gave me a mark to hit, so to speak. Also, it told me that while he was seriously looking, he was also enjoying himself in the meantime, so it wasn’t threatening at all.
She’ll Respect You
Unless a woman genuinely wants to hook up only (which isn’t that common) they want to see that you’re not afraid of relationships. They have a little bit of contempt for guys who are just playing the field indefinitely. When you clearly say that you want a relationship, you automatically seem less like a “player” or “guy who can’t let his younger days go” and more like the stable, caring partner that she imagines herself with. In other words, she will respect you.
You’ll Seem More Trustworthy
Women often feel like they have to negotiate for a commitment, so it’s a relief when a guy says from the beginning that he’s looking for something long-term. She’ll know that if you guys naturally click, then she won’t have to fight or manipulate to make things exclusive, or be 100% perfect in order to “convince” you to be in a relationship. This makes her feel more secure about you as a possible choice. She can trust that, given the right circumstances, you won’t go running out the door.
So, assuming that you say you want a relationship AND say what you’re looking for, chances are, it will work in your favor. But once you get the attention of women who want a relationship too and maybe even meet your criteria, you want to make sure the rest of your profile holds up.
Ask Yourself: Does Your Profile Seem LTR-Worthy?
You want to make sure that you demonstrate, through your photos and self-summary, that you have the qualities that you’re also looking for in a romantic partner. To do this effectively, it’s important that you know precisely what it is that you are looking for.
Let’s imagine that you want a woman who is smart, cute, driven, fun, and thoughtful. First, look at the photos you’ve selected to represent yourself. Do you have examples of yourself looking smart, cute, driven, fun, and thoughtful? Also, do each of your photos score above an 8/10 on Photofeeler? If so, this tells you that your photos are competitive enough to use on your profile. If not, ditch them and take more competitive photos.
Next, see if your self summary (here’s some good examples: Facebook Dating, Tinder, Bumble) demonstrates examples of those positive qualities as well. If you say you want women who are smart, did you list any of your own favorite books? Maybe a podcast or something else to show your intellectual side? Or, if you want a woman who’s thoughtful, how will she know this about you? In other words, you’ve got to actually embody what you’re looking for.
How to Say You Want a Relationship
If you’ve taken anything away from this so far, I hope it’s this: Don’t waste precious real estate on your profile. Say what you want, in a way that’s straightforward and authentic. That being said, if you didn’t want to follow the template I laid out in the beginning, here are some other quick phrases you could build from.
- I’m always looking for the right one.
- I want to be ready when I meet her.
- I’m searching for the one I want to wake up with for the next 50 years.
- I’m looking for the one who I can’t stand to be without.
No matter how you choose to express it, make it clear that even though you’re actively dating, you’re keeping your eye out for a certain woman.
Remember to Use Language That Speaks to Your Audience
Aside from a phrase like the ones above, you should also add language that speaks directly to the type of woman you want to attract. She should be able to read your profile and know that she’s a good match for you.
So find specific words that resonate with that type of person, and incorporate them. Just like in my previous example (“Smart, athletic, kind, driven, thoughtful. Looking for her”) find a way to mention the characteristics you’re looking for. For example, if you’re looking for an ambitious woman, then use the word ambitious.
Put It All Together
Try adding one sentence in your profile that speaks directly to your audience. Then add one sentence that speaks very specifically about you.
So not, “I like Netflix, traveling and food,” but more like, “Admittedly, just binge-watched ‘A Double Shot At Love.’ Bucket List Destination: Cuba. Last meal: Capo’s Deep Dish Pizza” or even just “Loves: Barry’s bootcamp, golf, and guac.” While this last example is very short and sweet, it does tell me very specific things about him. Lastly, add one sentence that makes her laugh.
Bonus: Try a Quote
You could also use a quote that demonstrates your perspective on life and supports the idea that you’re LTR-worthy. Some people view quotes as cop-outs, and they could be, but they can tell a lot about a person. And as I mentioned before, you don’t have a lot of real estate in your profile, so every line counts. A carefully selected quote that resonates deeply with who you are can eloquently and succinctly convey the information that you’re looking to say in a memorable way.
Don’t Say You’re “Looking for a Real Connection”
Whatever you do, don’t say you’re “looking for a real connection.” Who do you think is not looking for a real connection? Maybe people just looking for flings, sure. But I’d argue that even those people would ultimately love to find their perfect partner. When it comes down to it, everybody wants a real connection, to have a nice day, or to be happy. Overall, I would eliminate any statement that doesn’t set you apart from your competition.
Work with a Coach
Can’t figure out how to clearly articulate the fact that you’re both selective AND open to meeting interesting people? Hire a coach like myself who can help you craft the perfect delivery. The last thing you want to do is put something on your profile that subtly turns women off or gives the wrong impression, and then have that be seen by hundreds of prospects before you can correct it. And while it’s tempting to try to fix things after reading advice online, doing it right the first time can be hard.
That’s why I’ve made it my mission to personally help men learn how to present themselves to women so that they attract the ones they want — without selling themselves short. In my Signature Program, we’ll review all of your online dating profiles, self-summaries, prompt responses, photos, and messages to make sure you’re capturing the most matches possible and that they’re high quality. You’ll also learn how to use powerful language that speaks directly to your target audience so you can attract more of the matches that you’re really excited about. Book a New Client Session to see if The Signature Program is right for you.
Conclusion: Yes, You Should Say You Want a Relationship
It’s easy to think that dating is a game, where you have to “put your best foot forward” instead of just be honest. So if you’re second-guessing if you should say you want a relationship in your profile, I’m not surprised. The dating world can really make us overthink every move we make.
In my experience, the best approach to getting what you want from your dating life is to be direct. Narrowing the playing field and appealing to your target audience, especially when it comes to online dating, attracts a much better pool of prospects than if you decide to hide certain facts about yourself.
Even if you end up with fewer choices as a result, you’ll enjoy the process of dating much more than if you loaded up your calendar with low-quality options. Saying you want a relationship will help guarantee that dating will be fun!