Dear Annie: I’ve been with “Robby” for three years. I just moved in with him a few weeks ago, and I’ve been discovering some unpleasant surprises while using his computer. First, I found some racy photos saved on his hard drive. Then, I saw in his browser history that he’d been on dating sites and saw that he’d been emailing with people from dating websites, too.
I asked him about it. He denies having done any of that and says he doesn’t know how that stuff got on his computer and email. But the proof is right there. I don’t know what to do. I don’t trust him, but I love him so much. Please help me. — So Confused and Hurt
Dear So Confused: Is it possible someone has been logging onto his computer and planting incriminating photos and emails? Theoretically, sure. But it’s incredibly unlikely. And it’s no wonder you’re confused; Robby has done nothing to help you understand. Unless and until he can tell you the truth and work to make it right by you, start packing those boxes back up.
Dear Annie: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years now. We each have children from prior marriages. We have a good relationship, but he is such a momma’s boy — which is OK, to a certain point, but in his case, it seems excessive. He is in his 40s and still lives with his mother. He’s said he will not leave his mother’s house because she has some health problems and needs him. Yet, she manages to work a full-time, 40-hour-a-week job.
I feel as if I’m always competing with his mother. Just one small example: Let’s say he has a stain on his shirt. I’ll say something like, “Shout works well for that.” He’ll say, “Well, my mom said Spray ‘n Wash works better, so I’ll just get that.”
I feel like we will never be able to come together as one family, with my kids and his kids, because he won’t leave his mom’s. He doesn’t come over to my place too often because he’s busy helping her. It’s not like I live hours away from him. It’s only a 30-minute drive.
Several times now, I’ve asked him about moving in with me, and all he says is “I’m not moving right now.” What should I do: Stick it out or leave him and his mama? — Girlfriend to a Momma’s Boy
Dear Girlfriend: It’s noble of your boyfriend to care so much for his mother. It’s understandable of you to be frustrated that he’s less available to you. Neither of you is wrong. But you might be wrong for each other. He’s made it abundantly clear that caring for his mom is at the top of his list of priorities. Even if you were somehow able to talk him out of that, he’d resent you for it. So, if the situation isn’t working for you as it is now, it might never work for you.
Dear Annie: I am writing in response to “Deeply Depressed,” the person who cries about sad things that happen to others. I want to say that she is likely an empath. I strongly suggest she look up resources out there for helping empaths. Judith Orloff’s books are an excellent resource, and Orloff runs a Facebook group for empaths. If “Depressed” goes online and gets plugged into these resources, she will connect with others who have very similar reactions to the sadness of others. It will be a relief for her. — Lea R.
Dear Lea: Thank you for sharing these resources. I’ve heard good things about Judith Orloff’s books, especially “The Empath’s Survival Guide.”
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