EBR 033: Rapid Fire Ex Boyfriend Questions


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Over the past few days I have received some interesting voice mails from a woman asking questions about her ex.

What is unique about these voice mails?

Good question.

It’s the fact that she sent me so many of them.

Now, normally this kind of thing would get on my nerves but something about this woman made me want to answer her. Maybe it’s the fact that a lot of the questions she asked I felt the women of Ex Boyfriend Recovery could relate to.

All in all, this is a historic episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.

Why?

Because it is the longest episode in the history of the podcast (this far.)

At 37 minutes I take the time to dissect this woman’s situation and answer all of her questions (and there are a lot.)

Oh, I should have mentioned this woman’s name, huh?

Her name is Cinnamon and here is a brief synopsis of her situation,

  • She broke up with her boyfriend
  • The two of them saw each other every single day
  • They even had sex every single day
  • She was a bit of a text gnat after the breakup
  • She used the NC rule.
  • NC seemed to work
  • But is unsure of how to proceed

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • My thoughts on relationships based only on sex
  • I answer if Cinnamon can get her ex back
  • I answer if Cinnamon should get her ex back
  • What you should do if your get backed into a corner during NC
  • What it means when a man talks about other women to you
  • Does it mean anything when an ex inquires about your love life?

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

None… :(

The Questions Cinnamon Asked

This is kind of a rapid fire Q & A podcast episode so it only makes sense that I talk a little about the questions I answered.

What I have decided to do is list the questions below and give you a very very very quick answer to them.

(You have to listen to the podcast for a detailed answer.)

Question 1- Does Cinnamon Have A Chance Of Getting Her Ex Back?

Yes

Question 2- Should She Get Her Ex Back?

Only if the relationship isn’t based off of sex.

Question 3- What Should You Do If Your Confronted During NC?

Simple, tell him that you weren’t in a place where you were ready to talk to anyone. Ask him to respect your decision.

Question 4- What Does It Mean If He Inquires About Your Love Life?

Its definitely bordering on a good sign. He may possibly be fishing. However, it’s not the be all end all.

Question 5- What Does It Mean If He Talks About Other Women?

Usually it means he is trying to make you jealous or “rub it in.”

View full post on Ex Boyfriend Recovery


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15 thoughts on “EBR 033: Rapid Fire Ex Boyfriend Questions

  1. M.

    that was my opinion but she said that when she asked her guy friends they said the’d probably want a girl like that for SEX or have a good time..and that’s when I started doubting..

  2. Chris Seiter

    I am a guy and I can tell you that I would find a girl more attractive if she had my same interests… Just sayin.

  3. Chris Seiter

    No stay away from the breakup.

    Just focus on having a good time.

  4. Mary

    Hey Chris,

    I want to start off by saying you’re material has helped me a lot with a recent break up. I have one question for you that hopefully you can help me with!

    I’ve always loved being in love. And I can honestly say, the relationships I have been in – were never that bad. Great guys. I usually stay friends with my exes too. I guess once a relationships ends, I have a optimistic view that it was just meant to be! Perhaps it’s me getting closer to the person I’m supposed to be with. I have never dated an ex or redated. However…. I met this incredible guy, we only dated for 3 months – which is my fault because I felt like it was almost too good to be true. Sounds stupid right? I had some insecurities to fix and a lot of thinking to do. It ended on a mature matual` note and no hostility after the breakup. In a nutshell, I’ve done the No Contact for more than 30 days. Maybe 60 days. And I decided to use your texting strategies – which worked out in my favour. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee date “medium risk”, and his response was positive. Saying “I’d love too!” I didn’t expect that… To be honest, I expected the worst. Now that he’s accepted to meet me, I have no idea what to do next! What to even say when I see him? Should I mention the break up at all? Should I pretend like it didn’t even happen? Should I apologize? Do I just treat this coffee date as two old friends meeting to catch up? I do want him back of course… but even I’m not sure if I’m 100% ready to talk about my feelings for him yet. Need your insight! Thanks again for helping :)

  5. M.

    Hi Chris! I’ve been having a conversation with my cousin that troubled me.She thinks that talking with guys about cars/bikes or football is a bad idea cause they’ll never take such a girl seriously.. I have in mind examples of that but if someone has such interests,like me, why to hide it?wouldn’t it be like lying? What do you think?

  6. M.

    Like which? I’ve read almost every article you’ve written,I have tried the game plan and worked for a while,then nothing I would say would make him interested so after he told me he has a gf I stopped talking to him.He hasn’t spoke to me of course but keeps me on fb.. I can’t stand him anymore,mostly because she seems to look like me in appearence AND character,it’s so disturbing and I feel very akward starting a conversation with him even to just ask my Money…That’s why I need your help so much..I’ve lost all my hopes so I need someone ”expert” to tell me if it’s even worth to try anything?

  7. kashu

    i have been in a relationship with him 5 years back. i know its a big gap but still i haven’t been able to move on trying my best but being unsuccessful every time. i really love him and want him back. Trying my best and by huge efforts I found his number. Now i m really getting mad and want to talk to him and getting scared ..
    what if he don’t even recognize me or don’t want to speak with me or ignore me or have moved on in his life..
    chris.. please suggest me what should i do ???

  8. M.

    Like which? I’ve read almost every article you’ve written,I have tried the game plan and worked for a while,then nothing I would say would make him interested so after he told me he has a gf I stopped talking to him.He hasn’t spoke to me of course but keeps me on fb.. I can’t stand him anymore,mostly because she seems to look like me in appearence AND character,it’s so disturbing and I feel very akward starting a conversation with him even to just ask my Money…That’s why I need your help so much..I’ve lost all my hopes so I need someone ”expert” to tell me if it’s even worth to try anything?

  9. Chris Seiter

    Darn…

    Weeks between episodes is like ideal for me.

    And yes my wife definitely is on board for this. Without her I wouldn’t be doing this.

    So, we definitely will be working in tandem.

    You mean the index that used to be on the sidebar of the old design?

  10. Chris Seiter

    Did you read any of my articles on this situation?

  11. Jenna

    Hi Chris,

    First I have to say that this podcast is THE BEST! It’s filled with good stuff and answered some real questions for me. They/you have been MY ROCK through this no contact phase. The podcasts are a godsend. They keep me on the treadmill and I don’t even notice the time going by as I am determined to become the ungettable woman he once knew.

    I think the coaching is an amazing idea! It would be truly PRICELESS to some of us. WHY? I have LISTENED TO EVERY PODCAST. I have READ ALL THE SECTIONS here on the WEBSITE, and READ YOUR BOOK. My situation is soooo complicated and messed up. My story is a bit of EVERY section on here rolled into one; my ex is the master of mind-games; and not to mention — LETS THROW KIDS INTO THE MIX! :( It’s impossible to lay out a game plan on my own. I have used the rules and it gets me close. But I need clearer direction to make it stick.

    I KNOW I HAVE A CHANCE OF SAVING MY MARRIAGE. I NEED THE STRENGTH OF YOUR GUIDANCE AND A STEP BY STEP PLAN TO NAVIGATE THE PIT-FALLS TO BREAK THIS CYCLE.

    For example…

    — I ALREADY AM AN UNGETTABLE WOMAN to many. Just not to him. YES, I do have 20lbs from pregnancies I need to lose and I am working on and it’s coming off). HOWEVER, I am a very attractive, educated, and successful woman. I am 39 and I have 23, 24, 27 year olds wanting to date me (and I have dated one/two of them for a bit while my ex was into his girlfriend. Talk about him having a jealous fit!) There are three married men I am politely keeping at bay (I don’t do cheaters!)

    I KNOW when he sees me in tiny shorts, his head will spin. (I was voted best legs in High School, — I played internationally for a semi-pro sports team when I was younger). Once, when we were dating, we broke up for a summer. Because of the stress, I lost 20 lbs I didn’t need to lose. When he saw me after a few months he was drooling and begging to come back. In three weeks he was having a house built for us! So yes — these 20 lbs need to go and I am determined.

    — I HAVE USED THE NC RULE!!! We had been in contact through mostly text & talk every day / every few days since we initially separated (we have an active kid which is used as leverage). I have had enough of the drama and I enforced NC. It seemed to work for a bit. He gets furious if I don’t answer his calls/texts. Just last week he was livid I asked my parents to watch our daughter for me because I had other plans and could not make her softball game. My parents said he was so mad that I never answered his texts or his calls because he was wearing me down trying to find out what I was doing. For the first time in a while mom said she could actually see his feelings for me through the rage.

    — I HAVE USED THE NC RULE BEFORE and in 2 weeks he’s reaching out asking what we are doing and if I still thought about him) This is where your 1:1 advice would of come in handy! Once I break down and express my feelings and he knows I’m still there, he drifts off again. Then I go back to NC and he comes-on to me again. I NEED YOU TO HELP ME BREAK THIS CYCLE!

    — The NC RULE is now backfiring (at least for now). He likes to play MIND GAMES and I noticed that he hasn’t called or text me. (I don’t see this lasting with him. He’s angry and trying to give me a taste of my own medicine, but it never lasts.

    — We didn’t have a normal breakup. He was evicted form our home for over a year through a court order. Out of the blue he will get angry about that. He has a VINDICTIVE personality and to this day still wants me to tell him that I lied to the cops & judge (but I didn’t). He uses MIND GAMES. The line he recently text me was “Shame, cause if I could admit what I did was wrong, he might have a change of mind and come back.” He plays the role as the one who was wronged, when it was the other way around. He will never admit to any wrong doing. Everything is supposedly my fault and he like to place blame on me. I NEED YOUR HELP NAVIGATING AROUND THIS!

    — We have been living SEPARATELY for 3+ years. But we have NOT started the divorce process. He is settled in his own place. He says that he will never leave the house. That he could ever be kicked out of it. The funny part is that it is an old home in need of constant work in a very not nice neighborhood and our daughter could never go to school there. I rent a luxury condo in our neighborhood so our daughter has decent schools to go to. Everything is nice and new which is what he always demanded we have. We could live here together and still be able to save a few grand a month.

    — He has had a real girlfriend. It has put us in this weird love triangle. The only reason he started seeing her was because his sister saw us out on a family date, she ran her mouth off to his family, they gave him hell… he took the easy route and cooled it off with me and went with her. She is STILL causing interference and playing games to keep him away from me.

    — He has a history of CHEATING!!!
    On his first wife with me… (NO, I did not know he was married! We were 22 and I saw him 5 nights a week. I dumped him when I found out and it took him 2 months to show up at my door with a truck filled with his things)
    On his girlfriend with me… (No, didn’t know he had a girlfriend. I found out 4 months laster when she called me…)

    — We have had sex more than once in the last year.
    (I thought they had broken up — but he actually cheated on her with me)

    — After he has reeled me in with love & sex he gets cold and wanders away. And I did become a bit of a text gnat after that. Then I go back into NC and he eventually comes around. I NEED YOUR HELP TO PLAY THIS PART THE RIGHT WAY!

    I DON’T WANNA BE A EMAIL-GNAT. I COULD LIST THINGS FOREVER!!! There’s a lot more details I can’t list here… We have a 15 year history. He was once so intrigued by me that he left his first wife for me. He broke his rule of never getting married again — and he was ADAMANT on that! After 6 years I told him I was moving out and leaving him since he couldn’t commit to marriage. and at first he said fine… In a month he proposed.

    WITH YOUR HELP I KNOW I CAN SAVE MY MARRIAGE. The minute he suspects I am seeing someone he weasels his way back into my life. He doesn’t want anyone else to have me and he sure as hell doesn’t want another man to be a step-dad to his child. When the NC rule is in effect — he comes running back too. SO WITH ALL OF THIS — IT WOULD BE A BLESSING IF YOU STARTED COACHING! I wouldn’t care if I needed a third job to pay for it!

    But even if you don’t (and I am praying that you do), I still want to THANK YOU.
    As difficult as this has been, your book & podcasts have been giving me the strength to keep striving and keep hope alive.

  12. Tamara

    Hey Chris!
    1) This podcast was pretty awesome, maybe even your best. I love how you took all of her voicemails and made it into an in depth session. There was also some humour too, very cool.
    But more podcasts? Please? Weeks between episodes is agony!
    2) The coaching idea is cool – especially if your wife comes on board. It will totally make people (cause I’m guessing you’ll do this for the guys over on ex gf recovery too) feel like they’ve got a team working with them.
    3) I found your site after you did the redesign and I kinda hate that there’s no index for your articles. Can you please please reconsider adding it? I feel like it adds so much to the ebook, almost like a reinforcement of the techniques you teach.
    Thanks so much!

  13. M.

    My ex boyfriend who has a gf a year now still keeps me on fb(without talking or like anything of course). He owes me Money that hasn’t given me although he said he would and I already has asked them once…I kept him too because I followed your advice and tryied everything you said but he’s still with her…and lately he’s started posting photos with the two of them everytime I post sth and I can’t stand it anymore.Also yesterday he changed his profile photo to one with her kissing him and his cover with a quote saying sth like ”to tell you the truth I don’t feel anymore…I’m sick of it”..I have no idea if that went for me or no but I really see no hope winning him back..I feel such a loser, I want to just delete him..What do you beleive?Is it over for good?? What should I do?

  14. Chris Seiter

    Ya, my wife and I are probably going to end up doing it together so women can get both points of view (a man and a womans)

    So, looks like we are going to do it.

    We have to work out how the whole payment thing is going to work still though.

  15. Your Avid Follower

    I think the e-mail idea is fantastic, I would pay for your coaching services in a heartbeat!
    I’m the person who’s been talking to you on EP 31 about my ex who back with his high school ex but has been no caller id calling me (which I uncovered was him officially via the app) for the past two months from the day I called him to tell him I have feelings for him but got turned down. He’s been out of town for the past 10 days and I’m waiting for him to come back to town sometime this month and the next time he calls I’m going to message him regarding the calls to open communication in a non desperate way that doesn’t seem like obviously want him and have a reasonable reason to message him.

    But all I wanted to say was please do the e-mail thing.

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