EBR 039: Dealing With An Ex Boyfriend Who Cheats

Episode 39…

Wow, we are almost to 40 episodes of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.

You have to admit that, that is pretty cool.

I have helped almost 40 women in very unique situations regarding their ex boyfriends.

Well, today is no different as we are going to hear from Lauren a woman who is in a lot of pain.

Lauren’s voice mail was so hard to listen to because you could tell she is hurting so much that I just wanted to do my best to help her.

Here is a quick recap of her situation,

  • She has been with her boyfriend for 4 years
  • She lived with him for 3 years
  • She found out that he cheated on her in April of this year
  • He gave some excuse about school, work, etc
  • She has a stable job and has her life together
  • Hypothesizes that he is afraid of commitment
  • He is seeing other women
  • He is in the process of moving out of their apartment

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • Why men cheat
  • Why I think Lauren’s boyfriend cheated on her
  • What Lauren is doing right
  • What Lauren is doing wrong
  • The simple yet challenging advice I give to Lauren
  • Remorse & cheating

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

What Lauren Did Right Vs. What She Did Wrong

So I divided this up into two different categories.

What Lauren did right versus what she did wrong.

I am a pretty positive guy so lets start with what she did right first.

What Lauren Did Right

  • Her life is together

Laurens biggest asset right now is that she does seem to have a stable life (at least on the career side of things.) This is important because I can’t tell you how many women I have encountered that let their entire life go up in shambles because of a breakup.

Look, I get that you guys are hurting but you are just digging yourself a bigger hole if you end up hurting other aspects of your life on top of your relationship tanking.

What Lauren Did Wrong

  •  Showing him that she wanted him back even after he cheated on her

Laurens ex boyfriend doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong by cheating on her. At least, that is what his actions say. By catering to him and showing him that she wants him back Laurens ex can almost develop this god complex where he thinks he didn’t do anything wrong.

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15 thoughts on “EBR 039: Dealing With An Ex Boyfriend Who Cheats

  1. Courtney

    Hi Chris,
    I recently broke up with my ex of about a year. He is 20 years my senior. I think my situation is unique because I moved 4 months ago to take a job 10 hours away. We have a sort of roller coaster relationship because both of us want to be in control. We decided to continue a long distance relationship and all was going fine until we got into a fight over me not calling him when I got home from a flight out of town. He broke up with me and I did not contact him until he came begging me back. So fast forward to a month later and everything seems ok, we made plans to see each other and then unexpectedly he canceled one of our trips because he was dealing with a leak in house. He gets depressed a lot and doesn’t seem to be able to handle his emotions well (the leak is an old issue). I got pissed but let it go and did not call him for about a week. Then we go back into the same routine where everything is fine. Well another fight happen and I got fed up and broke it off. One of the main reasons is that I don’t trust him, I have never caught him cheating but I feel like he tries to make me jealous at times and then always asks me questions about why I am with such an “old man”. I care about him but I am tired of his immaturity. Just the other day he sends me a random text that appeared to be meant for someone else. When I replied “you texted the wrong person”, he did not respond. I am so hurt and angry because we started as friends and I never thought he would turn out to be so weird!!

  2. Ashley

    My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He suffers from depression and anxiety. The last two months of our relationship were up and down due to his moods. His job is his life, and he had gotten a promotion at work halfway through the relationship that was stressing him out.

    When we started dating, I knew what my value was, and he knew it, too.

    I had been out of town the previous week leading up to the break. Before I left town, he offered me the key to his apartment. The day I got back, he broke up with me. He told me he felt like he was struggling and was so worried he would soon crack and lose his job. 6 years ago he had a complete mental breakdown.

    I cried, but never begged him to not break up with me. We met to exchange our stuff 3 days later. Again, I cried when we met, but I told him he was right to break up with me since he wasn’t treating me right. I also told him I loved him and wanted him to get help. We discussed staying friends.

    I stuck with nc for the next week. He then texted me to ask how I was. I cracked and texted back with him. He said he wanted to check on me. When looking back at this texting convo, I was too enthusiastic with him. I also mentioned that I wanted to stay friends in this convo.

    It was his birthday 2 days after this contact. I broke and texted him Happy Birthday. He had a big party planned. I ask him if he was ok with me not coming since it was so soon after the breakup. He told me that he understood.

    Three days later, I texted him again and asked how the party went. He responded that is was fun.

    Two days later, he posted an article on fb about one of my favorite things. I texted him a quick text about it, and he responded.

    Obviously, I know I’m texting him too much! In my head, I thought I was playing it cool and showing how I can be his friend.

    What should I do now? Can I do nc now? Am I too far along? Is it possible to salvage this situation? (Again, I’ve never begged or explicitly asked him to take me back or give the relationship another shot.)

  3. Anna

    Hey Chris, my boyfriend of 5 years, cheated and left me for the other woman. It’s been almost 2 months no contact, will he ever return and could I still get him back?

  4. Imogen

    Thank you for replying,

    I’m already feeling more positive and I’ve been keeping myself busy with the hobbies I enjoy, making plans, plus spending time going on trips with friends. Alot of pictures were taken and I was tagged on facebook by my friends, although my ex liked the one where I was in an innocent selfie with my guy friend and no others, I wasn’t expecting it as I’ve been having so much fun and it was a friend who pointed it out and I thought nothing of it. However a couple of hours later when I went on twitter I noticed he had tweeted some comments after he liked the pic, which I knew were to do with me however ambiguous he wrote it, it seemed to express anger, for example ‘I’m out of sight now, out of their damn reach’. I’m concerned that this has pushed him away, I still haven’t broken NC.

  5. Chris Seiter

    Well luckily its still very early and you did the right thing by going NC.

    Stay in NC and lets work on YOU for now before we start approaching him with any kind of text message or get your ex back tactic.

  6. Chris Seiter

    I am so sorry for not replying.

    Ugh… It drives me nuts when someone falls between the cracks. I am just so overwhelmed.

    Lets hear about your exes antics!

  7. Chris Seiter

    No you are good Sarah, I have to moderate all the messages before they go live. I just do it when I have time and I have time right now!

  8. Chris Seiter

    You wait around 1-2 days generally.

    I am actually covering all of this in the texting bible coming up.

  9. Chris Seiter

    I think that is good progress.

    It’s not what you would want obviously but talking is a good sign.

    May I ask how in-depth your conversations are?

    Are you communicating through text, phone call or in person?

  10. Chris Seiter

    Ugh, those emotional cheaters such don’t they?

    I think emotional cheating while technically is not cheating it is a precursor to cheating.

    Though I will tell you this. If it was done to me I would be VERY unhappy.

  11. Liezl

    hi,
    Is there any other way to listen to your podcast? I cant listen to it. tried playing but it goes back to its page.
    Thanks

  12. your Avid Follower

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve left you a bunch of messages on EBR 036: THE THREE STAGES OF LOVE WITH YOUR EX but haven’t received any reply from you, would really like your opinion and advice I think you’ll find some of my ex’s antics interesting and really relatable thing you can use for future article advices.

  13. Imogen

    Hi Chris!

    My ex boyfriend of 1 1/2 years left me on monday because he said he started to love me but doesn’t know what happened, he’s always struggled with vocalising his feelings and I was his first true healthy relationship where he agreed we were both happy and any disagreements were always resolved with no shouting or cursing. He ended up having to move to the city last year because of his job and he said that when I would stay with him for a week he’d feel like it could work, but then he would have doubts when we didn’t see eachother for a while.

    The problem is he is terrified at me moving in, using sentences such as feeling backed against a wall and stuck between a rock and a hard place, and that he just can’t…After putting two together I asked if it was his fear that it would end bad like his previous ones (also broken family relationship) and he said yes. He said I deserved better, and not make me wait around for something that might not happen, that I got the closest and I did nothing wrong…I asked him why give up on that then and he just kept saying ‘I can’t’

    He is not very emotional normally but his legs were shaking the whole time (mine were too), he was hiding behind his sunglasses and he kept squeezing my hands against his face and saying that I will make someone happy one day and how he wished he felt the same, I noticed he went to hold my hand like normal but quickly pulled away, and when he was hugging me I found his hands going a bit below the waist which is confusing me so much…he even shed a couple of tears which is something I’ve never seen. He wants to be friends but I said I didn’t know if I could talk to him again and he said he’d have to live with that. I immediately went into NC since then but I can’t make sense of this and if I even have a chance to get him back. All his friends contacted me saying how he missed out etc and how I was good for him…

  14. Sarah

    I left a message on here yesterday but now it’s gone? Why? Should I write it down again?

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