I’m not sure if it’s because I’m in my 30s, or if more guys are leading women on so they’re being more cautious, but there’s a question I’m getting asked on dating apps more than ever before.
It’s a question that I don’t quite understand why you’d ask.
“Hey, what are you looking for from this dating app?”
Here are five reasons why you shouldn’t ask a guy this question:
1. The majority of guys are looking for everything and nothing simultaneously
Most guys are “single till otherwise smitten”. Blokes don’t go around yearning to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. Sure, a lot of guys are open to “the one”, but it’s exactly that. We’re happy to have a few casual flings and one-night stands along the way until we find that person.
If 99 per cent of guys responded honestly to this question it would go along the lines of: “Hey, I’m happy for whatever. I’m not really fazed whether I find a serious relationship tomorrow or in 10 years’ time. I matched with you because I think you’re hot, I’d like to get to know you, have sex and then slowly judge over the course of a few months whether or not we should both even consider spending the rest of our lives together.”
2. He could straight up just lie
Let’s face it, the one person you’re trying to avoid is a f**k boy. You know what a f**k boy does in response to this question? He sees a vulnerable woman with an opportunity to lie to get into her pants. Something along the lines of, “I’m definitely looking for a long-term relationship. I’m so over one-night stands and casual flings and am really looking to settle down with someone special.” (That’s the answer you wanted right?) F**k boys love this kind of conversation.
3. It comes across as needy
Like it or not, just like women meet crazy guys, blokes meet crazy chicks. We’re on the look out to avoid them at all costs and this is a pretty strong beacon of “crazy” straight off the bat.
Who is a guy more likely to text back? Someone who is having a bit of banter and a laugh? Or somebody who has already laid on the big question within the first five minutes before even meeting them?
4. Back your own judgment
Trust your instincts. Approach guys with a healthy amount of suspicion. You should be able to trust your gut and if you’re getting strong “player” vibes then you’re probably right. Save the discussion for a few weeks in and do it face-to-face when you can read their reaction.
5. The only guys who are willing to have a relationship without even knowing the person are the same weirdos with red flags
Ever met a stage-five clinger? Someone who won’t stop texting you after a 45-minute coffee date and already assumes you’re now dating? Yeah, these are the guys who are down for a relationship straight away.