Online dating nowadays is such a nuisance; can we even call it dating anymore? In my experience, guys don’t ask girls out on dates anymore, and it seems like their go-to meet up is some “Netflix and chill” type of scenario. I find myself endlessly swiping left on Tinder, which is where I have come across four types of foreign men.
The most common category is the English teacher. Recently, I’ve noticed a euphemism that guys are now using to describe their occupation. Instead of calling themselves teachers, they now call themselves educators. Ah, the sweet life of the foreign English language teacher on permanent Spring Break in Beijing with no real responsibility except to babysit kindergarteners and teach them ABC songs through charades. It’s going be a hard swipe left for me, Mr Educator.
The second type of guy I run across is the “Abs Guy.” You know the guy who takes countless gym selfies of his ripped stomach and posts them on his dating profile. I just have one question for this type of guy: Do you also have a six-pack of zeros in your checking account? If not, I think it’s safe to assume that you are working on increasing the wrong thing, Arnold. Step away from the mirror for a minute Mr Schwarzenegger.
The third type is the CEO/owner. What are you the owner of though? So, you moved to China, and your budding music career is taking off – a career that includes singing cover songs to an unimpressed Chinese audience whose members are busy looking at their cell phones instead of you. You didn’t register a company, but you made a logo using Microsoft Paint, and now you’re a bona fide CEO of your own record label, which you run out of your room located inside a four-bedroom shared apartment. Wow Mr Founder, where do I sign up for a date on your romance train, and can I have your autograph, you know just in case you make it big, and I have to sell it on eBay to pay for all the therapy I’m going to need after dating you.
The final, and my least favorite category, are “Ballers in China.” They are the pro-athletes who got injured or are too old to continue playing ball in their home countries. Admittedly, these guys are gorgeous, but usually, they have about as much substance as a layer of thin air. “We are not all the same” is what they say. Ballers everywhere have bad reputations as womanizers because who can pass up those sculpted, athletic bodies? However, throughout my tenure in China, I have realized that it is true; they are not all the same. Their primary differences come in height and their reason for not being in the NBA.
Although they have made my list as the top four most annoying types of guys on dating apps in China, I still can’t find myself swiping left on them.
That’s right, I make fun of them and still swipe right because I’m a savage!