Gary Behrman is a 45 year divorced white male with two grown daughters and a five year old son by a woman he never married and claims to hate even though he still has a key to her house and is very involved in her and her husbands lives. He messaged me the week after I joined POF, an online dating site. His message was very sweet and innocent sounding so I took a look at his profile. His pictures were all of him with his kids and he looked like a nice guy. His profile talked about being actively looking for a long term committed relationship, how nice he was, romantic, a gentleman, and stated that please no players contact him because he’s a good guy looking for a real relationship. Based on all this I messaged him back and we began talking regularly through the site for over two months. He never pushed to meet, never got sexual in his messages, and seemed very genuine. I finally gave him my number and for the next couple of weeks we texted and talked throughout the day everyday. We decided to meet and he drove the two hours from his town to mine. He got a room at the Hyatt Regency, probably the most expensive hotel in Wichita and I met him there for a drink. From there we went out to dinner and had a wonderful time. The next day before heading back to Olathe he asked if we could see each other for lunch and I happily agreed. We spent hours talking and hugged and kissed goodbye. He asked if he could see me again soon, and I said I would be in his town for a job interview the following week maybe we could meet for lunch before I headed back home. He said his brother owned a hotel and he could arrange for me to stay overnight so we could have more time together, and I agreed. We talked daily throughout the week and he told me he had a huge crush on me, he was so happy because I was the “whole package” and he really wanted us to go forward together. I drove to Olathe and he asked if I would feel comfortable staying at his house. He said it was a big step for him because in the five years since his son was born he had not seen anyone or ever had any women to his house. I agreed and stayed the night. The next day, Thursday, he asked if I would stay through the weekend with him, and again, I agreed. He flattered me, took me to nice places to eat, and continually poured it on about wanting us to be together. During the weekend he said I should just stay with him while I looked for work in the area. I told him too much too soon ruins things, but he insisted he was falling for me already and didn’t want to be apart. I was worried about it some, but I was also falling and agreed. On Monday I got on POF to update my profile to reflect I was involved and to hide it. While doing so I noticed Gary was also on. I was a little concerned, but told myself he was probably just doing what I was. The next day I received an email message that someone I had been speaking to on the site had messaged me so I got on to let him know personally that I was involved, and again saw that Gary was on and that his profile had not changed and was not hidden. When he got home I told him about me being on the site and why and that I saw he had been on both days. I told him if he was still talking to other women and wanted to pursue seeing them he needed to be honest with me and I would leave. He said he had given his password to his ex, the mother of his son, to check my profile so it must have been her. This seemed odd and a little creepy but I wanted to believe him, so let it go. The more time I spent with Gary the more I noticed lies and inconsistencies in things he said and did. He had been very affectionate in the beginning, but then he got to the point where he would only show affection when we were being intimate. He stopped opening doors for me and started being on his phone more. I noticed he went from his phone being out to always being in his pocket and if it was out it was now always locked. One night he was downstairs and he received several texts. I told him his phone had been going off when he came back and he picked it up and said “I don’t know why this crazy woman isn’t getting the picture”. He had obviously forgotten he told me he hadn’t dated at all in nearly five years, so I asked him some questions. Apparently he had met and briefly dated quite a few women off of POF and had entered into sexual relationships with a number of them, but “it just didn’t work out”. He admitted he never told these women when he was done, he just stopped talking to them. The next day I decided I better double check if Gary was on POF in case I was going to become one of those women, and he was. The next day he was again, and the next. I told him when he got home after three days of this that I knew he was still on the site and that I was leaving. He cried and said I had been the only one he had wanted to meet and he didn’t want to lose me. He said it had to be a glitch because the site was blocked at his work. I agreed to stay after he said he’d delete the account. For the next week I continued to monitor and he never deleted the account, he was on off and on throughout his work day, never when he was with me. He continued to hide his phone, go outside when he got calls, and pull back physically and emotionally. I’d had enough and decided if I was being made a fool of it was time to know for sure. One morning he kissed me goodbye and left for work. An hour later I checked and he was on POF. I created a dummy profile using my little sisters pictures and sent him a short message saying I liked his profile and introducing myself as Aimee. Within a few hours he wrote back and used the sweet innocent lines he had on me in the beginning. I flirted a little to see how far he would take it, and within a couple messages he was asking to meet. I revealed to him it was me and said we need to talk. When he got home I was packed and asked why the lies and games? He admitted it had been him on POF all along and he was addicted. He said he talked but this was the first time he tried to meet someone else since we had been together. I told him that was hard to believe. He said he cared for me and would do anything not to lose me and to please give him another chance. I told him I was leaving, it was too much too fast and he wasn’t ready. He agreed if I needed to slow down we could. We agreed I’d go back to my town and come to see him every other weekend or he’d come to see me. I stayed the night and the next morning before I left he kissed me goodbye and said he was so glad I was going to give him a chance to prove himself. When I got home I checked POF and he was already back on. I texted and asked if we were still going to try, and he said yes, he couldn’t wait to see me the next weekend, and blew me a kiss. That was the last time I heard from the jerk. He blocked me on POF, not that I would have tried to reach him, and did not return my two texts I sent the day after I left and the next day. They were brief, not begging, just hi, what’s up? My sister has POF and out of curiosity I checked and he was on daily, all day, for weeks. I must have seriously been cutting into his action. Beware of this “nice guy”. He uses women, and lines up the next for when he is bored with you.
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