Here’s What To Do When Someone Lies To You In A Relationship | #facebookdating | #tinder | #pof


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Relationships are built on trust. Yeah, yeah — you’ve probably heard this a million times before, but that’s because it’s true! Without a solid foundation of trust, accountability, and reliability, your relationship is far more likely to be on the rocks, especially if your SO has been acting sus as of late. It’s not easy to know what to do when someone lies to you in a relationship, but the first step is learning to recognize when your partner is bending the truth.

When your boo is being untruthful, there are several different signs that may give them away. Certain behaviors and signals may suggest they’re attempting to deceive you, but as Dr. Paulette Sherman, a psychologist and author of Facebook Dating: From 1st Date To Soulmate, tells Elite Daily, “The only way to be sure that your partner is lying is to catch them in the act or to have irrefutable proof,” so be careful before confronting a partner you only suspect is lying. Once you make it clear you don’t trust your partner, there’s no turning back, so you’ll want to be certain.

Here are a few clues that may indicate they’re lying to you and how to address them, according to experts.

01

Their Stories Don’t Add Up

If you suspect your partner has been lying to you, one of the main things to look out for is whether or not their stories add up — and I’m not just talking about their IG Stories. According to Stef Safran, a matchmaker, dating coach, and founder of Stef and the City, “If you notice that their stories don’t add up or you hear one thing from them and another from their friends, social media pages, or family, you know something isn’t right.”

When your partner tells you where they’re going and all signs point to them being someplace else, it could just be the result of a miscommunication. However, if this happens repeatedly, NYC relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter suggested asking them about the discrepancy. “If you catch your partner lying, calmly call them out. Take a beat. Don’t speak. This puts the ball back in their court and forces them to answer,” she previously told Elite Daily. “Let them speak without your reactivity [and] refrain from commentary until they’re fully expressed themselves.”

A partner who leaves for long absences without explanation or takes too long to return messages may be going MIA for a reason. According to Safran, you have a right to fell suspicious if your partner decides to “stop checking in when they say they are going to get in touch with you or become unavailable for no reason.”

If your partner’s communication style has changed and you’re concerned about it, relationship expert April Masini recommends first considering what’s going on in their lives that might be causing them to pull a disappearing act. “Ask about your partner’s work, their family, and their friendships,” she previously suggested. “Try to open up the channel of communication. If you’re still stumped, hit the nail on the head and say you’ve noticed a change… and let your partner tell you if there’s a reason for this, or if it was simply a coincidence.”

03

Their Body Language Is Off

A change in your partner’s body language or odd patterns in their nonverbal communication could also be a sign they’re lying to you. According to Dr. Sherman, the specific body language to look out for is when they “avoid eye contact, their body is pointed away from you, they cover their mouth,” and overall, “they act strange and nervous.” Other sus body language clues include “fidgeting, foot tapping … [or] they may point a lot at you and look away.”

While a change in your partner’s nonverbal communication could mean they’re lying to you, keep in mind that odd body language might also be a result of stress, lack of sleep, or something else that’s throwing them off. As Laurel House, celebrity dating and relationship coach and host of the Man Whisperer podcast, previously told Elite Daily, “People often lie for a reason: insecurity, fear, shame, or because historically this was their way to survive and manage other past relationships,” so consider what possible reason they may have for hiding something before you point out their cagey behavior.

04

They Won’t Give A Straight Answer

If your partner has been lying to you, they likely won’t give you a straight answer when you ask them questions about where they’ve been or what they’ve been up to. Dr. Sherman says that you might notice that “they sometimes garble answers, they repeat your question in their answer, they are vague and defensive, or they avoid a discussion” all together.

The best thing you can do when you notice your partner’s reluctance to open up to you is to make sure they know they can tell you anything. “Establish the premise that it’s OK to tell the truth,” Winter previously suggested. “This should be a foundational part of your relationship. If you begin with the understanding that the truth is more welcome than a lie, you’ll create an environment of trust.” And if they do admit they’ve been bending the truth, make sure you stand by your word and take that news in stride.

As Dr. Sherman says, the only way to know someone is lying (besides a confession) is with proof, “like a receipt showing that they were somewhere that they said they weren’t or had a communication with [someone] that they said they never met.” If you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt they’re lying, then go ahead and calmly present your evidence. Chances are, they’ll fess up.

According to House, the next step after getting a partner to confess their guilt is to set clear boundaries around honesty. “Once [they come] clean, explain how important a foundation of honesty is for you,” she previously suggested. “And if you do choose to continue in the relationship, you have now established that lying is not part of your relationship, no matter how insecure, ashamed, or awkward [they] feel.”

Remember: Your significant other could be behaving oddly for any number of reasons, so before you jump to conclusions, try to have a conversation with them about your concerns. “You can ask them to tell you anything they have not been honest about and then share your feelings and thoughts regarding this,” Dr. Sherman suggests. According to her, if they come clean or you have proof of their dishonesty, you can try a couple things to work on mending the relationship, such as “counseling, or telling them you need to rebuild the trust” by putting some boundaries in place.

However, Safran says if you confront a partner and “still feel that they are not telling the truth,” then you might want to consider distancing yourself from the relationship. Ultimately, how you move forward is completely up to you. If working things out and rebuilding your trust and communication is in the cards, then it might be worth a shot. And if you think you’d be better off moving on from the relationship, that’s totally OK, too.

Trust your gut, prioritize communication, and know that you’re worthy of a rock-solid relationship.

Sources:

Dr. Paulette Sherman, a psychologist and author of Facebook Dating: From 1st Date To Soulmate

Stef Safran, matchmaker, dating coach, and founder of Stef and the City

Susan Winter, relationship expert and love coach

April Masini, relationship expert

Laurel House, celebrity dating and relationship coach and host of the Man Whisperer podcast

Editor’s Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.



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