How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back


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Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar.

You are dating a guy.

Over time your feelings begin to develop from liking him to loving him. Just when it seems like the two of you have hit your stride as a couple he drops a bombshell and breaks up with you.

Some time passes and with it, it seems as if your ex boyfriend has gained a new lease on life.

And with this new life he has a new found respect for your past relationship. In fact, the respect has grown to a level where he is willing to give a relationship with you another shot.

So, you agree to start a new relationship with your ex and things are great between the two of you.

You hold hands like you used to..

He kisses you passionately like he used to…

He makes love to you softly…

All in all, things are looking pretty good in relationship land for the two of you.

However, after some time has passed he calls you up one day to feed you this line,

“Hi, I am just not feeling this anymore. I thought being with you would fix things but it didn’t. I think the two of us should go our separate ways. Bye…”

Does this sound familiar to you?

Welcome To The Ultimate Page For Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back (If You Have Gotten Him Back In The Past)

Hi There!

Welcome to my page on getting an ex boyfriend back (assuming you have already gotten him back in the past before.)

For those of you who are relatively new to this site my name is Chris Seiter,

Jennifer Chris W-194 copy

Yup, that’s me on my wedding day to my lovely wife.

(Yup, I am off the market ladies, sorry..)

I am just going to level with you here.

In my opinion I take horrible pictures. However, the one above (on my wedding day) I absolutely love because I didn’t even know it was being taken so I look natural.

Of course, we had also hired a professional photographer for that picture so I don’t know if that’s why it looks so good or if it’s the fact that I didn’t know a picture was being taken of me.

Anyways the point of telling you all of this is that I am just a regular guy.

In fact, I am pretty sure if you were to ask my wife she would describe me as a stereotypical male in a lot of ways.

Granted, I do have my AWESOME moments but for the most part I am just an average joe with the body of a greek god ? .

(Ok, not really…)

I feel it’s very important for you to understand who I am so you know who you are learning from.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“If you are just an average joe why should I listen to you?”

Good question!

Why You Should Listen To Me

On top of being an average joe I am also one of the top relationship consultants online.

I currently own and operate two major websites focused specifically on helping men and women repair their relationships with their exes.

I have helped THOUSANDS of women to get back with their exes.

To date, I have 3,940 clients who have purchased one of my best selling books on getting an ex boyfriend back.

Don’t believe me?

Screen Shot 2015-04-20 at 10.09.34 AM

Oh, and here is information on my best selling book on how to get your ex boyfriend back,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with
our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting
Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

But none of that really matters.

The fact of the matter is that all that you care about is my ability to help you.

And that is more than fair.

If I was you that would be all that I cared about.

So, I am going to give it to you straight.

The fact that I am an “average joe” actually gives me incredible insight and knowledge about how the male mind works.

So, using this knowledge and insight I am going to be able teach you a lot about what to do to get your ex boyfriend back if the two of you are constantly getting back together and breaking up again because I know how pretty much all men think. I am one after all.

But before I move on I do want to make a quick promise to you.

My Promise To You

I promise to be straight with you and tell you how things really are.

I also promise to use this page to do everything in my power to substantially raise your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back.

Oh, and what the heck, I will also promise to answer any questions or comments you have in the comments section of this page but don’t be mad if I can’t get to you right away. I am a busy guy after all.

So, what do you say we get to the meat of what this page is about.

What This Page Is About

all about

I am always looking for weaknesses in this site.

Part of my quest to have the best “get your ex back” relationship website in the world means that I constantly have to do audits and go into massive detail on topics that I would have never thought of.

I am always on the lookout for these types of topics.

Well, it turns out that I overlooked one of the most basic topics of them all.

What do you do to get an ex boyfriend back if you have already gotten him back before?

Well, that’s what this page is going to be all about.

I am going to be answering all the questions you have in your head (if you have found yourself in a situation like this.)

I will be covering,

  • On and Off Relationships
  • The Overall Outlook For On Again/Off Again Boyfriends
  • The Game Plan For Getting A Normal Ex Back
  • The Game Plan For Getting An Ex Back In This Particular Situation

Seems like a short guide, huh?

Trust me, it’s not.

Lets start with on and off relationships.

What You Need To Understand About On And Off Relationships

its on

What is an on/off relationship?

Good question!

Ok, imagine that the two of us have started dating in January (I bet your excited ? .)

Well, if we were to have an on and off relationship it would mean that we would be dating, go through a breakup and start dating again. This process would happen multiple times.

For example, I mentioned that the two of us started dating in January.

Well, from January to March we are on an “on” phase in which we are dating. Of course, somewhere in March I catch you flirting with some guy and break up with you.

We stay broken up from March to May.

In other words, March – May we are on an “off” phase in which we are not dating.

Sometime in the middle of May you beg for me back and being the great guy that I am I decide to give our relationship another chance. So, from May to August we are in an “on again” phase in which we continue to date.

What happens in August?

You guessed it!

We break up again.

(Coincidentally I catch you flirting with another guy…. You really need to work on that.)

We stay in this “off phase” until November in which we both feel a little lonely and don’t want to be alone on the holidays. So, what do we do?

We start our relationship up again (the on phase.)

Do you see how the on again, off again thing works?

It is like a tennis match where your relationship is the tennis ball.

When it get’s hit to this side of the court,

tennis court

You are considered to be in the “on again” phase.

And when it gets hit to this side,

tennis

You are in the “off again” phase.

The relationship ball keeps getting hit back and forth until one of two things happen.

  1. You stay together permanently
  2. You permanently go your separate ways and move on

Obviously, what I am here to teach you is how to stop the never ending tennis rally and get your ex back permanently (which I bolded above.) However, before I can get into that I would first like to take a step back and look at your overall outlook if you have found yourself in an on again/off again relationship.

The Outlook For On Again/Off Again Ex Boyfriends

on off

Believe it or not but this is something I see quite often on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

I can’t tell you how many times I have come across women who send me a message like this,

“My boyfriend an I were in a bit of an on again, off again relationship (we are in the off again phase right now.) How can I get him back?”

Believe it or not but on again/off again relationships are actually quite common.

According to Psychology Today a study was done in which 752 married couples and 323 couples that were living together were asked if they had ever been in an on again/off again relationship with one another.

Turns out that a lot of them had.

23% of the married couples stated that they were at one point.

And a staggering 37% of couples living together reported the same.

Now, since I am not writing this article specifically for women trying to get with their on again/off again ex husbands (how the heck does that work?) I would like to zone in on the 37% of couples living together that reported that they were in a on again/off again relationship at one point.

323 couples living together were asked that question…

37% of them said yes…

That means that out of the 323 couples surveyed 120 of them were in an on again/off again relationship with their significant other at one point.

You know what that means, right?

120 of the women were able to get their exes back and at the time the study was conducted the couples were all together.

For a very long time I have always had an interesting hypothesis when it came to on again/off again relationships.

The Hypothesis

George Gordon Byron once said,

“History, with all her volumes vast, hath but one page”

In other words, history repeats itself.

That seems to be the case continually throughout history.

  • People will always hate to be taxed…
  • We will always find a reason to start a war…
  • We will always love the fries at McDonalds…

Ok, that last one wasn’t exactly “history worthy” but you get what I am saying.

You know what also repeats itself?

Relationships!

And an ex boyfriend who you were in an on again/off again relationship with is a perfect example of this.

So, here is my hypothesis.

An ex boyfriend who you had an on again/off again relationship with will be easier to get back based on his past history of coming back.

The numbers above certainly seem to point towards the fact that my hypothesis is true and even a lot of the success stories I have had here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery seem to point that way.

This begs an interesting question, though.

Why?

Why is it a little easier to get an on/off ex boyfriend back?

To understand this I think you have to understand one of the prime reasons for why the “off again” phase happens.

The Most Common Reason The “Off Again” Phase Happens

common sense

In my experience here is how most “off again” phases happen.

A man and a woman are dating.

Everything appears to be fine until a disagreement occurs. Lets say that the disagreement revolves around the woman getting caught flirting with another man through text messaging.

The man in the relationship gets very angry and perceives the flirting as dangerous. After all, men are hardwired to hunt and a woman flirting with one can sometimes be the equivalent of a shark picking up the scent of blood in the water.

The woman on the other hand makes the claim that the guy she wasn’t flirting and the guy she was talking with was just a friend and that her boyfriend (the man) needs to trust her.

Relationships can’t work very well if no trust is involved.

So, what we have here is two people in a relationship sticking to their guns.

  1. The man believes that his girlfriend should not be flirting with any other men.
  2. The woman believes that she didn’t do anything wrong since the guy she was talking with was just a friend and nothing more.

This is a problem because the man isn’t going to back off his point and the woman isn’t going to back off hers.

What happens next?

Well, with each person in the relationship sticking to their guns they both become more angry with one another (the man more-so than the woman.)

Why?

This is going to sound really sexist but you want to understand men, right?

Some men don’t like it when they don’t have the support of their women. They don’t like it when they feel they are in the right and their significant other is in the wrong.

I guess what it all boils down to is the fact that men like to feel they are always right.

It’s funny, a few days ago I was watching one of those old timey game shows called the Newlywed Game. The premise of the game was quite simple. They took three married couples (some were newlyweds and some were couples that had been together for years and they asked each person a question a question pertaining to their relationship (the other person was off stage so they couldn’t hear the answer.) Eventually the other person (who was off stage) would be called back on and asked the same question. If their answer was the same as the person they were married to they got a point. If it wasn’t the same hilarity ensued (since some couples really took it personally) and they wouldn’t get a point.

Simple enough, right?

Well, as I watched this show there was one couple that stood out to me.

The man in the relationship in particular.

Now, the thing you have to remember is that this show was set all the way back in the 70’s.

Why is that important?

Because how he acted I see a lot of in men today.

When his wife was asked a question she gave an answer. He was then called on stage and asked the same question and gave a completely different answer. Apparently the answer he gave was right and the one his wife gave was wrong.

His wife had forgotten something and answered incorrectly. While he had remembered it and answered correctly.

However, rather than laugh off the mistake like most of the couples had been doing he took it very personally and took some time to berate his wife for answering incorrectly saying,

“You are always wrong… You see, she always gets these simple things wrong”

His wife, clearly embarrassed by her mistake said that she was sorry but that she wasn’t always wrong about things.

No” he replied.

“You are always wrong and I am always right. Tell me that I am always right. You know it’s true.”

His wife rolled her eyes and sarcastically stated,

“Yes, you are always right and I am always wrong.”

First off, this guy is a total jerk to his wife.

Second, I think what he said is interesting because it sums up a lot of men out there.

A lot of us have to be right most of the time.

A lot of us really believe in arguments like the one that I gave in the example above that we are right and our significant others are wrong.

Of course, more often than not women are the ones who are right. So, when these disagreements do occur and both people are stubborn about sticking to their views they tend to get into some pretty epic fights.

Breaking Up As Emotional Warfare

emotional warfare

Lets go back to the example above.

A man is clearly upset because he believes that his girlfriend is flirting with another guy.

The woman does not believe this is the case since the guy is just a friend and she can never see herself with him.

Both people are sticking to their guns here and a fight ensues.

Pretty soon the fight evolves into something… scary.

Yelling…

Broken things…

Crying…

All in all, it’s a pretty scary fight.

Well at one point during this fight the man is going to think to himself,

“I am losing control here. What can I do to gain it back? What can I say to really control her and make things the way I want them? Oh, I know I will just break up with her. That will get my point across.”

Yup, some men out there will use a breakup as emotional warfare to punish/control you if things aren’t going their way.

Think of it like this, in a man’s mind if he believes that you are flirting with another man and you believe you aren’t the only way for you to understand how much he dislikes that behavior is to break up with you since deep down he knows it is something you don’t want.

In his mind if he breaks up with you, you are going to sit in your room crying all day and night about how big of a mistake you made just because you wouldn’t stop talking to some guy friend who doesn’t mean much to you at all.

In other words, your boyfriend is using a breakup as emotional warfare to get his way.

He knows it will hurt you and he knows it will most likely get you to stop the behavior he doesn’t want to see anymore.

Of course, he is just shooting himself in the foot because deep down he didn’t really want to break up with you at all.

So, what do you think happens next?

Yup, you guessed it.

An on again/off again relationship ensues where whenever he doesn’t get his way he breaks up with you, regrets it and then gets back together with you again.

So, now that you understand more about the most common reason an on again/off again relationship occurs lets move on to what you can do to stop the endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together.

A Normal “Get Your Ex Back Plan” Vs. An “On Again/Off Again Get Your Ex Back Plan”

I think its important that before I start getting into “game plans” and stuff like that, that we talk a little about the main goal you are trying to accomplish if you are trying to get an on again/off again ex boyfriend back.

The main goal that we are trying to accomplish here with this guide is to not only get your ex boyfriend back but to stop the endless cycle of being in an on again/off again relationship.

Got it?

Being in a relationship of this nature is damaging because eventually if you keep spinning around in this merry-go-round you are going to crash and burn and your relationship will be too damaged to recover from.

Yes, I said it.

An on again/off again relationship is destined to ultimately fail if something doesn’t change.

Of course, right now we are assuming you are in an “off again” phase. So, our first task is going to revolve around getting your boyfriend back.

(I will get to keeping him in a second.)

Generally in this circumstance, to save time, I would make some generic statement like,

“Just follow the basic rules of getting an ex boyfriend back to get your on again/off again ex back.”

Unfortunately, the basic rules aren’t going to be as effective on your ex in this case since we kind of have to keep our end goal in mind (to stop this endless merry-go-round cycle of breaking up and reconciling.)

Here is what the basic rules for getting an ex boyfriend back look like,

general get your ex back rules

Well, when you are dealing with the situation we are talking about in this particular article the rules above no longer apply.

They have to be altered for a number of different reasons.

Before I get into the alterations let me give you the new “revised” game plan that you need to be following with an on/off ex boyfriend,

new revised rules

Notice the difference between the two game plans.

The on/off game plan is a little bit longer and even has a few stars above it.

I took the liberty of putting stars above the aspects of the game plan that have been altered or added when compared to the previous general game plan.

Other than these alterations the game plan remains the same.

For example, the texting, calling and date rules outlined in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with
our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting
Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

Are exactly the same.

The alterations however…

Well, I might have some explaining to do as to why I want you to do them.

So, what I would like to do now is go over every alteration in the new game plan one by one and explain my reasoning behind it.

Lets start first with the longer no contact rule.

Game Plan Alteration #1- A Longer No Contact Rule

longer

Lets take a step back and study the nature of a relationship that has an on again/off again nature.

In all re-connections where a couple gets back together there is always one person that is pushing for the reconnection and one person that is agreeing to it.

Granted, there may be some cases where both people mutually agree to get back together but even if this happen someone has to initiate the, “lets get back together” conversation.

Lets do some role playing here and pretend that you and I are dating and are in the midst of an “off again” phase.

One day you come to me and start trying to get me back.

You wine and dine me…

Take me to my favorite movie…

I think you get the picture here.

Eventually you are the one that initiates the “lets get back together” talk with me and I agree to getting back into a relationship with you. Unfortunately, our relationship doesn’t last long and we break up again a few weeks later.

Now, lets assume this process repeats itself a couple more times.

The process = The two of us breaking up, getting back together and then breaking up again.

Somewhere along the way a thought is going to enter my head.

What’s the thought?

“Hmm… based on the past she always comes back to me. I can get her anytime I want.”

You remember what I always say about men, right?

They always want what they can’t have.

Well, if your ex boyfriend is under the impression that you will always come back to him then that is a major problem because he has no fear of losing you (which can be quite effective in getting a man to come back to you.)

So, assuming that you are in a position like this where your ex boyfriend is thinking that he can get you back no matter what (based on the past) what can you do to overcome this?

By using a longer no contact rule of course.

Introducing The Longer NC Rule

(If you don’t know what the no contact rule is then please check out my E-Book.)

The general no contact rule that I typically recommend to women is a 30 day no contact period.

Well, for a man that you were in an on again/off again relationship with and is under the impression that you will come back you are going to have to do something drastic to make him think,

“Wow, she may be gone for good this time…”

This is why I would recommend a no contact rule in the 45-60 day range.

Now, that may seem like a lot of time but lets look at this logically.

If you end up sitting in the no contact rule where you have no contact with him whatsoever for two whole months all of a sudden he is going to go from thinking,

“I can have her any time I want.”

to

“Maybe she is gone for good this time…”

If you get your ex boyfriend thinking that you have him right where you want him.

Game Plan Alteration #2- Last Chance Recovery

last chance

This is going to be a little controversial but I think it is a necessary step to break the endless on again/off again cycle.

Part of the reason you are in this predicament is that deep down you know that the potential to get back together is always there if the two of you ever break up.

Above I explained why that can be dangerous due to a man’s psyche.

Well, it is also dangerous for yours.

Now, this is going to sound drastic but bear with me here.

Imagine that you were walking down the road one day and accidentally bumped into a witch.

Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous but give it a chance.

When you bumped into this witch she got quite angry at you,

withc

As a result of her anger she decided to put a curse on you.

What was the curse?

If you get your ex boyfriend back (since you are in an “off again” phase) and end up breaking up with him again then you will die the instant you try to get him back.

Can you imagine if you had this curse?

Something tells me that the on again/off again cycle would be broken because you would wouldn’t want to get him back again since you would die.

That is how I want you to approach this relationship with your ex boyfriend.

Enough of this on again/off again nonsense.

I want this to be your last chance as a couple.

The two of you have already given each other plenty of chances in the past and they all failed.

So, lets just assume that you do get out of the “off again” phase with your ex boyfriend. Well, all I am asking you to do is to set him aside and set the precedent.

Explain to him that this is the last chance that the two of you have as a couple (if you get back together.) If the two of you fail to survive this upcoming “on again” phase then you are just going to leave each other for good.

Make your ex boyfriend understand that you are serious about this and that you mean it when you say that this is your last chance together.

Oh, and it is VITALLY important that you mean it.

You need to believe that this is an all or nothing kind of thing.

If you can’t make it work this time then you are going to have to move on.

Think it…

Say it…

Believe it…

Now, this is a perfect lead into the next alteration of the overall game plan.

Game Plan Alteration #3- Preserve The Relationship

preserve

University of Texas professor Renee Daily has been studying relationships for years.

In fact, she ran a study on couples who admitted that they were in on again/off again relationships and had some very interesting findings.

She basically found that couples who were in these types of relationships reported less behaviors to help maintain the relationship. In other words, on again/off again couples weren’t safe guarding their relationships the way most other people do.

Now, this begs an interesting question.

What kind of behaviors are on again/off again couples not exhibiting?

Below I have compiled a small list of the most common complaints from men and women in these types of relationships.

  • One person in the relationship doesn’t feel good about themselves.
  • There is a lack of physical intimacy between the two members of the relationship
  • There is a lack of trust between both participants
  • Someone is not included in activities

The smartest thing you can do if you get your ex boyfriend back to prevent from falling into an “off again” phase is to safe guard your relationship.

Yes, a relationship is a two way street that requires both of you to put in effort but the fact of the matter is that you can’t control what your boyfriend says or does.

However, you can control your own actions and in my experience a man is going to treat you a lot better if his needs are being taken care of in the relationship.

For example, if my wife treats me really well one day then I am more compelled to spoil her. On the other hand, if she constantly fights me on things or puts me down then there is no way that I am going to go out of my way to spoil her (don’t tell her I said that, though.)

The point I am trying to make here is that by making sure your boyfriends needs are met you can almost get him to treat you the way you always wanted to be treated by him.

It’s a weird form of control, huh?

By treating your man well you get treated well in return.

Like a snowball effect.

So, how can you go about this?

How can you safe guard your relationship for the future?

Hmm…

To be honest it’s a bit complicated and it would take me tens of thousands of words to describe. Luckily, I have already put together a guide on how to do that.

So, my recommendation is that you check that guide and put the information that you read there into action.

View full post on Ex Boyfriend Recovery


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15 thoughts on “How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

  1. Melissa

    Hi Chris,

    So here’s the story: my ex and I broke up (I initiated it) in the winter, and we started seeing each other a month after but we were not “official”. That was for approximately 3 months, and I told him I was ready to make it official and at that point he said he couldn’t do a relationship right now. A month after this happened, he came back to me and said he just needed time and space to himself, and we have been dating for 3 months until last week, he broke up with me out of the blue, saying that the “relationship had run its course, that he was just going through the motions, and that he needed to figure himself out.” I am very confused and upset about this whole thing. We met one more time a week after the breakup to exchange stuff, and he cried and said that he cared about me and he didn’t want me to get hurt but continuing the relationship didn’t make sense. We parted in terms that we wanted to stay friends in the future.

    Im not sure how to interpret any of this. I have been in NC for a few days and will no break it; I have done it successfully before. Honestly i don’t know if it’s even worth it, but I was wondering if you could shed any light on this situation. Thank you!

  2. Mika

    Hi Chris,

    I hope my comment would go through moderation this time. Here is my story: We broke up three weeks ago. This is was the 5th time that we broke up in our one year relationship. The first time we broke up we were dating for a month only. The common points all breakups have except for the 3rd and last one are the following:
    1- I made a huge fuss that he does not show enough interest in me like before, especially in the second breakup I felt paranoid that it is because he wanted to break up that he lost his interest. I told him the same thing, too. Actually, whenever I felt his interest in me low, the fact that he wanted to breakup before made me feel scared and start a fight.
    2- He felt extremely stressed about his work and other stuff he needed to do. He is the extremely busy type. I know he doesn’t lie about it. It is for real.
    The excuses he gave me for a breakup:
    1- He is busy and wants to focus on himself.
    2- We are not harmonious.
    3- We don’t have a future together, so better to break up now.
    4- He will move to another country soon anyway.
    5- In the final breakup, he said he doesn’t feel the same way about me any longer. (He said he cares about and not annoyed by my existence, but still his feelings are not enough).
    We had never actually broken up despite the existing talk, though except for the 1st and current breakup. We kept seeing each other and we continued as usual. After the 3rd one, I felt fed up with it and two weeks later, I said I was ready for it. However, this time, he refused and confessed that he liked me a lot more than before and he did not want to lose me. (He said that it is a personal thing and he never uses the word “love” until he gets engaged. And he was consistent in that.) After that point on, he got really committed that he also asked me to find a university in the country he would move. I looked up for options and we discussed about it. I was going to follow him there a year after. Also, she introduced his sister to me and asked me to be good friends with her. We talked about future: whether I would like to work after marriage or not etc. We went on vacations. He said that he was really happy with me and we got along pretty well except for our little fight sometimes. In short, we spent a great time as a couple and he seemed very committed. He assured me that we would be fine whenever I felt sad about his move to another place. A month and half ago before the time he left, we had yet another fight. I made a huge fuss again. This time I really made a huge fuss. I had a point why I made a fuss, but I think the way I expressed myself was not correct. I blamed him for being selfish when he stopped sparing enough time for us as he was busy with meetings, farewell parties (he never invited me to those parties because it was a cultural thing. We are from different countries and in his country, girlfriends and boyfriends are not really invited to the parties.) and visa applications and so on. He was really busy. Yet, due to the nature of his work, he had always been busy and we would study together at the weekends for that reason (he would study his stuff and I would study mine.) When he refused to even make that time for me, I was upset as he was going to move soon. The biggest mistake I made was to threaten him with a breakup if he did not meet me and had face to face talk. On that day, he panicked and met me, but a week after he asked for a break up when I asked a question regarding our future together. He denied that he asked me to move as well. That denial was a huge shock to me. We did not break up on that day. Instead, he asked for some time to think. During that time, I contacted him often and tried to convince him. Finally, we got back together and but a week after that he asked for another breakup and that was the final one. Losing my trust, I said yes. Right now, he lives in another country, but I will be moving there next summer, too.
    I deleted him from social media and his contacts as well. Being from different countries, we do not really have friends in common on social media. How should I proceed after NC? In all honesty, I want him to contact me, but if he doesn’t, I might want to contact him after all.

    I really hope to get your comment on my situation, Chris.

  3. Alizee

    Hey Chris, we’ve been together for 6.5 years, and he ended it with me after an argument over text last week. Whenever he’s ended things with me, we always get back together, but this time feels different. I’ve done the NC rule before and it worked WONDERS, after following your advice. I’m just wondering if NC will still work for me this time round?

  4. Sarah

    Hi Henr,

    I know exactly how you feel. Good luck but you have to hold on to the NC Rule. I know it is difficult but i had a relationship for more then 5 years.

    I was yesterday for the first out with a few new friends. We went to a club and guess who i saw… yess my ex. After 3 weeks NC. I didn’t see him or had any communication with him during the 3 weeks. I saw him and he was in shock that i was happy. We ignored eachother the whole night but my friends told me that he looked for me the whole night.

    So at the end of the night i wanted to go home so i saw him sitting alone at the front of the club. I think he was very drunk but he shout a few times my name, i think he wanted to talk. I ignored him and didn’t look back. 2 minutes later he came with his car and started to ask me what i was thinking that i was doing and why i was out with my friends. It was really weird but he was drunk so i didn’t wanted to talk to him. I told him that my friends where waiting for me and that i had to go. So i left. My heart stopped for a few seconds when he talked to me i didn’t know how to respond but he didn’t say anything about getting back togheter or even i miss you or how are you. Godddd i wanted to die. I dont know what is next but my heart tells me that this is the end of us. He was very jelouse i think because he saw me having fun.

    How are you doing Henr, did you spoke to him?

  5. Kat

    I’ve been in an on/off relationship with a man I love. We broke up a few weeks ago and I’m in no contact right now. We love each other but he is confused about where the relationship is going and I felt it best to take a break so he can figure it out. Now I find out that this hideous woman asked him out, is being sexually explicit, and basically planning a hookup with him on Sunday!! He’s a single guy and apparently planning on taking her up on it. I’m livid, totally beside myself!!! I know that he needs time to figure out what he wants, but I’m not sure how I sit back and let him have sex with another women!! I was planning on doing NC for another few weeks but I’m not sure what to do now! Do I call him casually, maybe ask him to help me with with something on Sunday? Show up *accidentally* where they are planning to meet? Or just let it go and move on for good?

  6. Chan

    So today I got a text message from him after applying no contact for 5 days

    It reads “I’ve realized the errors in my ways.”

    Should I respond? What should I say if I do?

    I don’t know what to do… If feel like he’s trying to mess with me.

  7. Gaby

    Hi Chris, I just want to say your website has helped me alot!!
    I was dating my ex for 5 and a half years and we often made plans for the future. However he mentioned on a few occasions over our relationship that he’d thought about a breakup but did not go through.. Last September he finally broke up with me but we got back together two weeks later and now last month he broke up with me again (I guess that makes us an on/off couple). His reason was that there are promises that i made in the past that i did not keep (these promises include more efforts in regards to trying out new things in the bedroom) I did NC and then we started talking again and actually went on two dates together which went very well and he seemed very into me. However he keeps repeating that he doesn’t know if he should be with me because he doesn’t know if doubts will come back in the future.. I know he loves me and he said so himself that i was whole package and he missed ms also his body language when we’re together is always positive.. He said he’d message me this week for another date but hasn’t done so yet . if he was really interested wouldn’t he contact me asap? Thanks in advance any advice is appreciated.

  8. Henr

    Actual update I made a mistake when looking over previous text messages sent by him. I accidentally sent him a blank text message. Immediately he asked how I was holding up. I was going to ignore but decided against it. So we talked and he said that the experience was going to mold me into a stronger person and that I was going to get better in time. –> Sounds like he doesn’t want to get back together again. Can you give me advice on this please?

    Also we talked for a bit longer and I asked him why did he decided to end things for good and he said that when we had our first break up he slept with someone (I knew this and forgave him because at the time we weren’t together) Apparently he felt so guilty about it he began to pull away from me. He also said that if I slept with someone he wouldn’t get back together with me, which I found very odd because I assumed he didn’t want to get back with me. I’m also not completely buying his story either. I mean why would he pull away from me and start talking to other girls because of something he did.

    Can you please give me some insight on this?

  9. Chan

    Hi Chris, I left a message before but I don’t see it on this page so I don’t know if it posted or not.

    How do I get back together with an ex might not want me back?

    So heres the story, Me and this guy was together for 6 months when he got pissed off at me and broke up with me one night. (If I had known about the NC Rule at this time, it would have been perfect to use it) I begged for him back and we got back together after a week. I relationship was rocky for a month but then we got back on track and we both agreed that the relationship was even better than before. After a month I got mad at him and said something and he broke up with me. I was ok with the break up and agreed to be friends with him and we met up the next day. It was a stupid mistake but that night we recognized our love for one another and got back together again. This time the relationship was even better! Then I got jealous because I noticed he was talking to other girls on facebook and he broke up with me when I went to talk about it. We got back together but things weren’t the same. We broke up again (two days later; this Monday) and now Im implementing the no contact rule…..

    Actual update I made a mistake when looking over previous text messages sent by him. I accidentally sent him a blank text message. Immediately he asked how I was holding up. I was going to ignore but decided against it. So we talked and he said that the experience was going to mold me into a stronger person and that I was going to get better in time. –> Sounds like he doesn’t want to get back together again. Can you give me advice on this please?

    Also we talked for a bit longer and I asked him why did he decided to end things for good and he said that when we had our first break up he slept with someone (I knew this and forgave him because at the time we weren’t together) Apparently he felt so guilty about it he began to pull away from me. He also said that if I slept with someone he wouldn’t get back together with me, which I found very odd because I assumed he didn’t want to get back with me. I’m also not completely buying his story either. I mean why would he pull away from me and start talking to other girls because of something he did.

    Can you please give me some insight on this?

  10. Henr

    Hey sarah I’m going through the same thing. My comment is above yours. How is everything going?

  11. Henr

    Hi, there. I left this on a different on of your pages but I think this is the correct place to leave this instead.
    I read the page and I was wondering if I could get my ex back if he said he no longer wanted me. Here’s the story:

    We have been together for a year. Everything was perfect, he was crazy about me and I love him too. Then about 7 months into the relationship he got very mad at me for something I did which caused him to break up with me. We got back together shortly after. After this incident we got broke up and got back together several times. I noticed that whenever he got mad at me he would initate a break up. After a period of two months we were fine and everything seemed great again. We were finally happy. Then I said something bad because I got mad at him for something he broke up with me the next day but we got back together that same day and everything felt better than before. The relationship was better than it ever was before. Then about two weeks ago I got jealous when I saw that he was talking to some girls. I didn’t really confront him about it. I just asked him about it. He broke up with me. I noticed a complete change in him that I’ve never saw before and it was harder to get back with him but he accepted me back.Two days later (this Monday) he broke up with me again. This time he said he couldn’t see a future with me. He didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t want to. He said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I cried and asked him if this is what he truly wanted. At first he said no then he went back and said yes. I left after saying a few words and I haven’t spoken to him since. I thinking about trying the no contact rule with him but mostly because I want to heal myself. I really want him to come back but I have a feeling deep in my heart that he’s not coming back.

    Every time we broke up (except for the first time) he was the one that initiated it and I was the one that asked for him back.
    And up until a couple of weeks ago things were great. I would REALLY appreciate some advice with this. Also I was his first love

  12. Sarah

    Please be honest, how are my chances for getting him back ? We broke up more than 10 times in this 5 year, maby this was the last time?

    Thank you so much for your respond

  13. Chris Seiter

    Yep, I think that is a little too long.

    I would recommend 30 days.

    45 days is the most I would recommend.

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