Given the environment of the modern world of dating, I figured what better way to test out these dating coaches’ advice than through Tinder. My main issue with dating has always been actually getting dates and getting to know people. Despite Tinder and other dating apps allowing me the ability to connect with millions, I’m lucky to get anything more than a two message ‘conversation’.
So, my goal from this experiment was to have a genuine conversation over Tinder and land myself a date — nothing too outrageous but certainly not an easy task from experience.
I decided to follow Matthew Hussey’s advice from his video; 3 Risk-Free Messages to Make the First Move Online. Why did I go with that video in particular? Well, there was the fact it was a Matthew Hussey video, who seems to be the top dog in the hierarchy of dating coaches. He’s published books, made television appearances, hosted dating shows — if anyone’s worth seeking dating guidance from, he seems to be the guy.
As well as that, the advice he gave in the video was exactly what I was looking for — a selection of messages I could send to guys to initiate an engaging conversation. I’ve made the first move many a time on dating apps but all my attempts failed to stimulate any discussion. But if these messages really would get the conversation flowing then maybe, just maybe, I could get a date.
The three suggested messages were as follows;
- Are you really (insert a fact about them)?
- I have no idea if we would get along, but I had to send you a message because you also love (fill in the blank)
- That outfit in your profile pic…
So, with my questions ready I started swiping and sent the first three guys I matched with a question each.
Cian was my first match and given that the only information he provided me with was a bio stating ‘Anywhere hiring?’ the only message I could think to send was, ‘Are you really looking for somewhere hiring?’. I’ll admit, I felt like a bit of an idiot sending that message but, much to my surprise, he replied. And straight away the conversation started flowing. I couldn’t remember the last time I had an interaction on Tinder like that — prompt responses, solid banter — the message worked.
Hussey’s reasoning behind message option one is that it makes the conversation about the guy, meaning he can easily relate to it and therefore find it easier to respond. It also gives the impression of a genuine interest in him — setting a positive first impression. And based on Cian’s responses, the logic added up.
Message two went to Rajheem who apparently worked at Dunder Mifflin; ‘I have no idea if we would get along but I had to send you a message because you also love The Office’. This message, I was excited to send — I’ll take any chance I can get to talk about The Office. With that in mind, I wasn’t too surprised to get a reply. We had a small back and forth referencing the show throughout the night however beyond that we didn’t have much to talk about. That being said, I still enjoyed our chat.
And it makes sense that we had a good initial conversation. Hussey describes the advantage of sending a message about shared interests is that you can go beyond showing your interest solely based off looks. He also claims the message puts you in a high-value position so you don’t come off as needy — acknowledging the fact that you don’t even know if you would like the guy. I can only assume this is some psychological trick to try get the guy to chase you, however, seeing as neither of us messaged each other since I can’t vouch for the validity of this claim.
The last message was my least favourite — not only because I thought it was cringey but I could not find a guy with a noteworthy outfit for the life of me. But eventually, I matched with Graham who was sporting a rather unique all yellow ensemble in one of his pictures. I adjusted the message to work for Tinder — ‘That outfit in your third pic with the dog…’ — and two hours later got a response.
Hussey’s messages hit a hat-trick. Although Graham may have instantly assumed I was complimenting his outfit rather than feeling as if he was on a cliff-hanger and become intrigued as Hussey said he would — he still replied and we still had a conversation. We went from a discussing fashion to music, leading to us getting to know each other’s interests and hobbies. All in all, it was pretty pleasant and I did believe there was a genuine mutual interest in learning more about the other person.
However, despite their success as conversation starters, did Hussey’s messages get me a date? I’m happy to report, they did. Cian and I were messaging each other for a few days before we decided to arrange a meet-up. We only grabbed a coffee and a bit of lunch, nothing fancy or romantic, but it was indeed a date.
Going into this experience with such low expectations I would have been impressed with one conversation. But to have three successful conversations and one date — I’m still surprised. I honestly thought Hussey’s messages would be too manufactured and unnatural to work but, evidently, I was wrong and I’m happy about it.
Even if nothing comes of my date it was refreshing to at least go on one — something I haven’t previously been able to achieve. There weren’t any claims that these messages would find me the ‘right guy’ or that they’d lead to romantic success — if a message had the power to do that then there wouldn’t be a need for dating coaches in the first place. But I can’t deny, the results were beyond what was promised and the messages were effective.