My boyfriend and I met on Tinder. We had our first date last November and have been together ever since. Granted, at first it was only on weekends because I lived almost two hours away, but by January we had decided that I would make the move and we would get an apartment together. We’ve been living together since February and it’s been wonderful so far.
The other day I was going to light incense (we keep the holder on the top of a bookshelf), and I started looking at his book collection. A couple of books caught my eye, one of them being a plain book with a blank cover. Intrigued, I picked it up and turned to the first page and instantly realized it was a journal. It only had one entry. I quickly shut it and put it back on the bookshelf, embarrassed I had found it. I didn’t want to invade his privacy at all.
That lasted a whole 20 minutes until curiosity got the better of me and I picked it up and read it. The entry was dated just 10 days before our first date. It was a heartfelt message about how it had been two months since his ex decided to take a break, and three days since the breakup was official. He said it was going to be hard to fill the big hole in his life, and that he just wanted “his person” but she didn’t want him. He mentioned how he had a good house, job, car, but didn’t know what to do.
I knew he was hurting from a breakup when we first met – he was transparent about that – but reading it made it feel more real. I believe they were together almost three years, and I shouldn’t be intimidated by that because I have had a five-year relationship … but I am. He ended that entry with, “I know I shouldn’t, but if she were to want me back, I would go back to her in a heartbeat.” Now I can’t help but wonder … am I just filling the hole? Would he still go back with her if given the chance? I mean I know that was five months ago, but still.
Should I tell him I read it? I thought about writing an entry in my own journal about how I had accidentally discovered his and felt guilty and confused, and then read it to him and offer to let him read every entry I’ve written in mine. But is that making too big of a deal about it? I’ve always hidden my emotions in a relationship, and with him I want to be open and have good communication. I’m just not sure how. Please help before I do something stupid and spill my guts to him.
“I thought about writing an entry in my own journal about how I had accidentally discovered his and felt guilty and confused, and then read it to him and offer to let him read every entry I’ve written in mine.”
That would be quite a performance! A very unnecessary one.
At this point, keep all of this to yourself. Avoid the top of the bookshelf from now on. Forget this happened.
Really, you didn’t learn anything you didn’t already know. He was transparent about his relationship status – and his sadness – when you met. He earned your trust with that honesty. If he told you he was ready to move in with you, that he wanted you around and was capable of falling for you (I assume he said as much), believe him. Sit with your uncomfortable feelings for a bit, but don’t drag him into them. You read his private journal. That doesn’t mean it’s on him to reassure you.
I know it’s hard to drop this kind of thing, but please do. The entry is many months old, and things have changed. This would be a different conversation if he’d written 49 entries and one of them was dated yesterday. Remind yourself that he put the journal away. You can too.
Readers? Confess? Drop it? Anything to worry about?