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So you’ve matched with a cutie on Tinder, what’s the move now? It can be so tough to keep conversations going through an app, and it’s even harder to think of how to begin. Unfortunately, things can get real dry, real quick. There’s nothing wrong with a simple “hey how are you,” but what really makes dating apps entertaining is more personalized messages. Dating apps themselves are pretty terrifying, and making the first move is even scarier.
No matter the app, if it’s Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or even The Right Stuff (spooky), it’s always going to be intimidating. But, with these questions, you’ll be one step closer to finding out if your dating app match is a fit IRL.
- “what’s your biggest red flag?”
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This is my absolute favorite message to send first. Dating is time-consuming as it is, you don’t want to waste your time with someone you’re not compatible with. Knowing someone’s red flags right off the bat is super helpful moving forward with a match. If you’ve got dating dealbreakers, it’s a great idea to start with this message. There’s always a wide range of responses that you get from questions like these. Obviously there’s a huge difference between hot takes like “I like pineapple on pizza” and “I don’t think women deserve rights”! It’s a fun conversation starter that also exposes people. What more could you ask for?
- “what’s your ideal first date?”
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This question will quickly tell you all you need to know about your match: It allows you to get more of a grasp on their personality. You can also tell a lot about their intentions from this simple question. For example, there’s clearly an expectation on their end with a “Netflix and chill in the dorm” first date, and It’s a no from me! I’m always on the lookout for people who suggest wholesome and unique first dates, it makes me like them even more and it’s the perfect conversation starter!
- “what’s your sun, moon, and rising?”
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This question could make or break a match, IMO. There are so many times when I’ve asked someone their zodiac sign and they’ve dragged girls for liking astrology. “It’s fake, I hate when girls ask that,” “astrology is stupid, why do you care?” Immediately no. Even though I know absolutely nothing about astrology, I like to ask this one for fun to see reactions. Shoutout to all my fellow Aries!
- “what’s your biggest ick when it comes to dating?”
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Like the red flag question, this message is very telling about your potential match. You can rarely go on TikTok without seeing something about the many “icks” of Gen Z, which is basically another word for a turnoff. A conversation about their dating icks can be a fun little icebreaker for you and your match! It can also be very revealing about your match’s personality. Some people on dating apps will take this opportunity and run with it, just so they can trash women. For example, some will say that it’s an ick when girls have a high body count, or they’ll pick out certain clothes that they don’t like on girls. News flash: that’s not an ick, that’s just misogyny!
- “what’s your drink of choice?”
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“A negroni… sbagliato… with prosecco in it”, House of the Dragon’s Emma D’Arcy gracefully answered this fun little conversation starter in a viral TikTok recently. The question works just as well in the dating app world! It’s always interesting to hear what someone would order on a night out. Does your match stick to something classic or do they have some obscure concoction that they love? Oh, and if they say a Long Island… GTG.
- “what’s one conspiracy theory that you actually believe?”
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Again, I like to send messages that have a range of potential answers. I’m just going to hope that your match doesn’t answer with “covid is a scam” or “the earth is flat”. Run! As long as they still believe in science, this question can be such a fun icebreaker. An interesting conversation is guaranteed from an open-ended question like this one.
- “what are your relationship dealbreakers?”
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This cuts right to the chase, there’s truly no hiding anything. Relationship dealbreakers are so valid, and it’s a good idea to get that part out of the way so that you and your match move forward on the same page. There’s nothing worse than finding out about someone’s dealbreaker after you’ve been in the talking stage for a while. Time is of the essence, and you deserve all the transparency bestie!
- “who’s your fave celebrity couple?”
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Some green flags that I’ve heard are Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar, Meghan and Harry, or Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. (Obsessed!) It’s such a fun conversation starter. You can go back and forth about some of your favorite icons, or you could get into the drama of some other famous couples who have had messy breakups. There’s much to discuss, have fun with it!
- “what’s your biggest fear?”
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If you’re not one for light-hearted introductions, dive deep with this question. It’s bold, the perfect way to spice things up. It’s always fascinating to hear about the fears of a complete stranger. Even if you don’t end up clicking, the conversation is sure to be an interesting one. Being emotionally vulnerable is an important part of being in a relationship, so jumping into a question like this will help you test the waters with your match.
- “okay (their name), i’m really hungry rn. what should i make for dinner?”
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I really like this one if you’re looking to keep things flirty and fun. It’s not too much pressure on their end, and it breaks the ice. Usually it will lead to more conversation too! There’s an added bonus if they come up with something yummy and creative for you to cook. If they send you a full recipe, they’re a keeper.
Messaging first may seem scary, but it doesn’t have to be. If you see something unique in someone’s profile that attracted you, whether it was a personality pic that they included or something unique in their bio, message them about it! Being the initiator on dating apps is always so appreciated by the other person. Whether you’re going for a fun little greeting or a deep relationship question, anything could get the conversation going. Even if you use one of the light-hearted messages, there’s an opportunity to sniff out some possible red flags in your matches too.
