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Funny insults for kids
21. I do not have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
22. You have the attention span of an ice cream in July.
23. I will not have a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.
24. This looks like something I would draw with my left hand.
25. If you see the silly-kid catcher, you’d better hide!
26. Why do you look like an envelope with no address on it?
27. It appears that your brain cells are not holding hands right now.
28. You were a slippery baby.
29. May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
30. You have your entire life to be a knucklehead. You can take today off.
31. Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?
32. You are proof that the universe has a sense of humor.
33. Where’s your off button?
34. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re silly than open it and confirm their suspicions.
35. You must have gotten your brain from your other parent.
36. You changed your mind? Does this one work any better?
37. I’m surprised and pleased—but a little more surprised than pleased.
38. Sorry, it’s hereditary.
39. Don’t be a screen door on a submarine.
40. I know you are, but what am I?
Roasting your kids makes all those late nights worth it, doesn’t it? If you want to up your game, these Shakespearean insults are educational as well as hilarious.
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Funny insults for best friends
41. It’s great to see that you don’t let your education get in the way of your ignorance.
42. Are you doing OK today? You look like the guy in the zombie movie who’s been bitten but is trying to keep it quiet.
43. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
44. It’s impossible to underestimate you.
45. Congratulations on being the top of the bell curve.
46. You’re as sharp as a rubber ball.
47. I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.
48. You’re the reason tubes of toothpaste have instructions on them.
49. I bet your pH level is 14. Basic.
50. How do you not fall down more?
51. You’re as deep as a puddle in a parking lot.
52. I just love that you don’t care what people think.
53. You remind me of a slightly tilted picture frame.
54. Stupidity is not a crime. You’re free to go.
55. You really should come with a warning label.
56. I would describe your personality as a vibrant shade of beige.
57. You’re such a conversation starter. It gets underway as soon as you leave, that is.
58. You don’t need to fear success. You have nothing to worry about.
59. A sharp tongue is not necessarily an indicator of a keen mind.
60. Is there an intermission to this drama?
What are best friends for? Trading funny insults, funny comebacks and funny obituaries, of course!
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Funny insults for family
61. Right now, you are as useful as a soup sandwich.
62. If you ever had a thought, it would die of loneliness.
63. I’m not saying you’re ugly, but maybe you should start walking backward.
64. I bet you take more than 15 items through the express lane.
65. This is why the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
66. You are an unessential vitamin.
67. You’ve never really embraced intelligence for yourself.
68. Who’s using the family brain cell at the moment?
69. You have the charisma of a wet sock.
70. I have 90 billion nerves, and you’re on every single one of them.
71. You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
72. It’s just that you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
73. You are not the most gullible person on earth, but you’d better hope that person doesn’t die.
74. Guess you’re not as dumb as you look. How could you be?!
75. My life may be a joke, but it’s not as funny as your outfit.
76. Your ambition outweighs your skills.
77. I don’t understand, but I also don’t care, so it works out nicely.
78. You should use glue instead of chapstick.
79. I may not be perfect, but at least I am not you.
80. Your life is more about regret management than goal achievement, isn’t it?
What looks like a joke, but isn’t? These anti-jokes, which will still make you laugh.