Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week’s characters include a guy who thinks having more cops would prevent crypto scams, a Chris Evans fan who feels personally betrayed by Chris Evans living his life, a Redditor protecting sacred Christmas traditions by refusing to take in her daughter’s five-year-old half-sister and a guy who thinks Elon Musk is a hero.
The character: Matt Stoller, book writer, thought leader, scam and lawfulness enthusiast
The plot: Stoller, a think-tank/Substack-type fellow, weighed in on the recent fiasco surrounding FTX and cryptocurrency. Defunding the police was a bad idea, he said, because “virtually everything in cryptocurrencies was unlawful, there just aren’t enough cops to enforce the law.”
Crypto scams are what happens when you defund the police. Virtually everything in cryptocurrencies was unlawful, there just aren’t enough cops to enforce the law.
— Matt Stoller (@matthewstoller) November 14, 2022
The repercussion: Stoller cashed in on the hot take economy — especially when we have no idea how long Twitter’s going to be around for — and I respect it. Fitting a defund the police angle into the ongoing crypto scam debate is such a low-risk high-reward strategy I’m mad we didn’t come up with it. A few people had fun with Stoller, while others tried quote-tweeting some sense into him — all-in-all a decent amount of engagement for an asinine take.
How do I cash in on the just say anything economy? https://t.co/TlVN3LJhBx
— Two-piece Advocate (@frazierapproves) November 14, 2022
…is this a bit? https://t.co/gbf1I4VlT9
— Shepherd (@NeolithicSheep) November 14, 2022
a new take has been born https://t.co/TVYLdhI7ed pic.twitter.com/CqZ2zYk5s2
— jason concepcion (@netw3rk) November 14, 2022
Thought Wars: Mindageddon https://t.co/Pm7EIxh7O7
— Ed Zitron (@edzitron) November 14, 2022
“LAPD, open up!”
no answer. the swat team rears their battering ram and breaches the crypto lab, but it’s too late: the place is deserted.
“they took it all. the apes, the slurp juices…everything.”
furious, a detective kicks over a pile of empty five hour energy bottles. https://t.co/hlDebUxG7W
— blazey (@luckimud) November 14, 2022
Off-duty police officer stopping crypto scam (2022) https://t.co/xknxySgiUx pic.twitter.com/d3TvduHE5k
— Media Literacy Specialist (@TheManDude43) November 15, 2022
This is a long form dril tweet he deleted for being simply too unbelievable even for him https://t.co/6qlUwuqcx7
— lvl 2 paridee thanker (@christweetsllc) November 14, 2022
It’s true. I saw my neighbour doing a bitcoin and called 911, they told me they’d love to send out a squad car but there were simply no more cops. Thanks, AOC.
— ℳatt (@matttomic) November 14, 2022
The character: A horny fan of Chris Evans who thought he was single?
The plot: This is where I would explain the “plot” of the Twitter drama, but for the first time, I cannot follow this. It’s akin to having someone explain QAnon conspiracy theories to me, or Pizzagate logic. Just nonsensical junk here.
— Team Evans (@TeamEvans_13) November 14, 2022
I am out of words and out of brain cells to comprehend this. He lied? What?
This happens so often when we all collectively have a crush on someone famous, and then they begin dating, and we all ship ourselves onto non-realistic relationships, and it’s all a bunch of crap. He will never meet you, acknowledge you, or date you. Welcome to reality.
The repercussion: Celeb worship is a cancer on our society and led us to voting for a brain-dead game show host as president. This is just the peak of internet nonsense. Let the dunking commence!
chris evans pr team rn: pic.twitter.com/bneK5MDtAt
— 007 (@tunswtlver) November 17, 2022
omg stop having parasocial relationships with these celebrities who don’t give a fuck about you. your entire account is based on a public image of him. you’re in love with a brand constructed by his pr team, not of chris evans himself. https://t.co/Lsm5xGO4dl
— beena (@skiesandtheseas) November 15, 2022
me keeping the crazies away from chris evans like i’m his PR team pic.twitter.com/2Em3RGFAAE
— * logan. (@jstwellseasoned) November 15, 2022
— Hannah D. Meu Presidente é Luis Inacio LULA😎❤️ (@HannahDStan) November 15, 2022
This is absolute psycho shit.
— Alisha Grauso (@AlishaGrauso) November 16, 2022
This letter is completely unhinged and the fact that you thought posting it was a good idea also speaks to your poor judgment, yikes
— Ashley Eskeleton💀 (@AshleyEsqueda) November 15, 2022
here I fixed it for you pic.twitter.com/rKqx9QvML8
— trixgiving us nothing (@BeatrixWren) November 15, 2022
#WeLoveYouChrisEvans if you’re going to sit here and tell him he’s bad for dating someone younger. Or attack his team. You’re the drama and a 🤡 Chris Evans deserves better fans. And you ingrates aren’t it.
— BrattyPaganSub (@zerodarknerdy78) November 17, 2022
This is so unhinged and Chris Evans isn’t hot enough for this, he looks like the 10th hottest player on a minor league baseball team 😭😭😭😭 https://t.co/fgf6gtL2by
— carter baizen (@bigmeatyclauds) November 16, 2022
A Literal Grinch
The character: A Redditor who is absolutely the asshole for refusing to let her daughter’s five-year-old half-sister spend Christmas with her family
The plot: As it often does so well, Twitter surfaced a Reddit AITA post this week — and it’s especially apt for the holidays.
The OP of the post explains the situation thus: she has a 13-year-old daughter with an ex-husband, who went on to remarry and have a daughter who is now five years old. By OP’s own admission, the children are very close. The ex-husband’s wife has cancer and is going through treatment, and so the ex asked OP if their (five-year-old!) daughter could spend Christmas with OP and the 13-year-old, presumably so she could have a more decidedly cheery celebration.
OP said no. Reasons offered:
- “My family’s traditional celebration is a sacred thing”
- “I do not feel comfortable including anyone else”
- “Plus it’d be awkward”
And when the ex pushed back, OP ended the discussion, saying she “was no longer feeling comfortable having this conversation.”
currently reddit is telling this lady that she’s not the asshole for refusing to let a 5 year old with a dying mom come to their family christmas because “you don’t owe her anything” and that this is a scam to get free toys pic.twitter.com/0ueqEvZC5j
— cait (@punished_cait) November 15, 2022
The Twitter user who surfaced the post (@punished_cait) said that over on Reddit, people were defending OP’s decision, saying that she “doesn’t owe” the five-year-old anything.
Which, I mean, sure: none of us owe anything to a FIVE-YEAR-OLD who isn’t our own child — but I think we can all agree that unless said five-year-old is some kind of murderous demon, it’s probably the right thing to do to look after them and try to, you know, give them a halfway decent childhood, especially if their mother has cancer.
The repercussion: On Twitter, at least, most people were on @punished_cait and the ex-husband’s (and the five-year-old’s!) side. Some people called the post out as seeming made-up, which is of course entirely possible and, for many AITA posts, likely. But it nonetheless got people’s blood boiling — a great way to get in the true holiday spirit.
jesus said no freeloaders
— cait (@punished_cait) November 15, 2022
Christmas is sacred and sacred Christmas has NOTHING to do with making room for a child in need
— Jess Zimmerman (@j_zimms) November 16, 2022
Anytime the post is “do I have to grow as a human?” the Reddit response is too often “absolutely not!”
— Tom Bob-ombadil (@caprisunadvert) November 15, 2022
i’m loving the shit they’re just making up about this child and her father that would justify this behavior. i saw someone say “maybe the dad cheated and the new dying mom was his 20 year old secretary” just deranged
— cait (@punished_cait) November 16, 2022
sooooo is the rest of her family equally terrible or did she not tell them the full story here? that’s the real question, imo. pic.twitter.com/u2PWVUT3n5
— Nikki “Tiger Hurricane” Homocide (@R_X_Queen) November 15, 2022
also equating all forms of “harm” and “abuse” when it’s like… me being mildly inconvenienced vs someone in abject suffering like NOT THE SAME
— cait (@punished_cait) November 17, 2022
Sorry, he’s not welcome either – Joseph isn’t really his dad and that just makes me really uncomfortable
— Vito Corleone🌹 but they’re really into shoegaze (@donshoegaze) November 15, 2022
That said, one user made a fair point in OP’s favor:
What if the child with a dying mom has bad vibes? Or if they’re just unpleasant to be around?
— jules 🐀 (@jubear720) November 15, 2022
The character: Matt Wallace, cryptocurrency fan, Elon Musk lover
The plot: There’s no way you’ve missed all the Elon Musk-related goings-on at Twitter recently, but let’s recap some of the lowlights: employees being fired en masse, hate speech spiking on the app, and remaining Twitter staff being handed unfair and unrealistic ultimatums. In short: Elon Musk owning Twitter has been very, very bad.
But of course, there will always be some weirdos who think a capricious billionaire having total control over a social media platform is actually a good thing. Take Matt Wallace, who not only thinks Musk’s takeover is a positive, but somehow believes he’s making the world a better place.
Elon Musk could be chilling in a $100,000,000 mansion right now, getting massaged by 100 women, as a team of private chefs prepares him a 5-star meal! Instead @elonmusk is literally sleeping at Twitter HQ and working his butt off daily to improve the world.
— Matt Wallace (@MattWallace888) November 16, 2022
Let me get this straight: not only has Wallace failed to acknowledge the damage Musk has done to the app so far, but he thinks it’s Elon — not the beleaguered (and now dwindling) group of Twitter employees — that is working hard to keep the platform going? A certain meme springs to mind…
(Also, how would being massaged by literally 100 different people be in any way practical or nice?)
The repercussion: Wallace was thoroughly dunked on, as he should be.
— beth (@bethbourdon) November 17, 2022
He gets enough massaging from you!
— Sam Roberts (@samreeceroberts) November 16, 2022
— Kristi YamaGuccimane (@wapplehouse) November 16, 2022
He could’ve ended world hunger for far less and improved the world forever – what a legacy – but yeah, sleeping in the office is about the same
— JohnKnox (@JohnKnox) November 16, 2022
Are you talking about the same Elon Musk who spends time on Twitter insulting his employees and users, turned $44B into $8B within 3 weeks, no? 🤔
Or is it a different Elon Musk?
— Me Fadi ✌🏾Be a Ro Arquette not a Musk🇨🇦🇲🇺 (@TiMoudou) November 17, 2022
He’s not going to sleep with you mate 🤭
— Mairéad Ní Chuaig TG4 💋 (@MaireadNiChuaig) November 17, 2022
You forget the part where he fired 1/2 the employees, including the most senior programmers, moderators, and security teams. 1st rule of fixing any problems is to first get a comprehensive understanding of what they are. You don’t get that by firing all the smartest people day 1.
— Jeffrey Levy 🇺🇸🇺🇦🌊🌊🌊 🇺🇸🇺🇦 (@jeffreymlevy) November 16, 2022
How do you arrive at this point? How many mules have to kick you in the head before you start saying things like this https://t.co/BMG9IAvaqb
— Goran Gligović (@GoranGligovic) November 17, 2022
this you? pic.twitter.com/KqcHXPIKzG
— steviebaby (@wolverhamp10) November 16, 2022
Dude get off his meat
— enternamehere (@nicholasmejia13) November 16, 2022
Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included a brewery that took a misguided and very loud stand against injustice, a God-fearing man who takes his family to Hooters and more.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected]