‘Do not ignore red flags’- This woman knew she matched with a scammer on a dating site | #whatsapp | #lovescams | #phonescams

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• Ntombi Khalo* shares how she could spot that a man she had matched with on a dating site was a scammer.
• She shares tips from her experience and why she will not be going on dating sites anymore.
• “Involve your friends or someone you trust, I did, and my friend told me she doesn’t trust him.”

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Online dating is meant to simplify dating life, or so we thought. But meeting someone new has created more hurdles for those seeking love, companionship and romance. Many have lost money to romance scams due to desperation and the need to be loved. Ntombi Khalo* shares how she could spot that the man she had matched with was bogus.

She tells us that she joined a dating app hoping to have a meaningful connection with someone, but it ended bitterly when she realised the person she matched with was a liar and chancer. 

The man’s profile picture showed a cute dog beside him. Quite a charmer, she thought. But his staged charm could not get him that far. “I am too much of an overthinking sceptic,” Ntombi says. This helped her spot that she was chatting with a scammer.

READ MORE | Dating coach on an alternative to ‘shooting your shot’ – ‘Allow the man to make the actual approach’

“It was my first and last time on a dating site,” Ntombi shares. After matching with a ‘white’ man from Sweden, their chats quickly moved to a more personal app, WhatsApp.

Here are some tips from her experience:

1. Don’t go on these dating sites if you’re pressured or lonely.

2. Do not let your heart lead you, leave room for “investigations”. I’ve got trust issues and will not allow someone close to me unless I’ve done my research.

3. Do not ignore red flags. He used to send me pictures of meals “he just cooked”. I could tell it was pictures from the Internet.

4. After only a day of chatting on WhatsApp, he sent me these lovey-dovey and romantic messages. He was trying to manipulate my heart and feelings.

READ MORE | Scammed R55 000 by online ‘boyfriend’ and is ready to give up on love – dating coach weighs in

5. Listen and read carefully. I used to check the tone of his messages. Involve your friends or someone you trust, I did, and my friend told me she doesn’t trust him (not because she was jealous).

6. Take note of the excuses, and make notes on when he contacts you. This guy I was chatting to was a “realtor” from Sweden, so this one time, he video-called me from work, but the background did not say office. And his dress, neither. I Googled how real estate agents dress in Sweden. They wear formal suits, and he was wearing a jersey with a golfer t-shirt. DO YOUR HOMEWORK!

READ MORE | Quitting dating apps after being threatened for calling a scammer out: ‘It is just plain scary’

Ntombi shares, “I wasn’t interested in him per se, there were too many red flags, but I just wanted to see how it played out. Like I said before, I don’t trust easily, so I did my homework. Besides the fact that I don’t trust easily, I’m also petrified of getting out there to be hunted because whether it’s online or face-to-face, the dating scene is a scary and risky move.” 

Not her real name*