Next, after a firm bond has been established, the fraudster concocts a phony-but-plausible financial need: they want to meet the victim in person but can’t afford a plane ticket; they have a fantastic business opportunity but need a short-term loan; or they’ve been in an accident but can’t afford the hospital bill. Inevitably, more requests for money follow. “It’s going to be one thing after another after another,” says Rege, as crooks “nickel and dime you” for all you’re worth.
A romance scam eventually starts to fall apart once victims realize they’ve been scammed or they run out of money. And even when the flow of cash gets cut off, the fraudsters don’t necessarily disappear. They may resort to “sextortion” to squeeze more cash from a victim by threatening, say, to post compromising photos or videos on a porn site.
Online daters are in search of a combination of “love, compassion, kindness, company,” says Rege, and older people who are divorcing, already divorced or widowed may be especially vulnerable to scams. As people age, and see friends grow ill and die, they may feel fear or depression and start thinking: “I want to live my life to the fullest; I don’t want to be alone,” she says.
Rege’s advice? Be patient. Turn off your device and meet the object of your budding affection in person in a public place for coffee or dinner. (Fraudsters are known to lie about their unavailability by pretending they are deployed overseas with the military or at work on an oil rig.)
If you have grown children, talk to them about your search for love in cyberspace so they may step in, if warranted, before damage is done. And don’t rely solely on online “friends” for social connections. Join a book club, attend movie nights or sign up for fitness classes to meet people in real life.
