Commenters warned a woman not to send money to her boyfriend after he asked to borrow $5,000 after his child—whom she’s never met—got injured.
The Original Poster (OP), known as u/Throwra4977575, posted about the situation in Reddit’s popular “Am I The A**hole” forum where it received more than 6,000 upvotes and 2,600 comments. The post can be found here.
Romance Scams
According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), victims of dating scams lost more than $1.3 billion in the past five years, with median individual losses reaching $2,400 in 2021.
Romance scams increased in 2021, with reports rising by 80 percent compared to 2020. Romance fraud schemes are also reported to lose more money from victims than any other type of fraud that the FTC tracks.
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The FTC warns that scammers often attempt to pass the blame onto other people by using them to transfer funds, such as losing their job or a family member falling ill.
The FBI recommends the following tips to avoid being scammed while dating online:
- Be careful what you make public online.
- Beware of any attempt by the person to receive inappropriate photos or financial information that could later be used for extortion.
- Be careful if the person promises to meet in person but then never does, coming up with an excuse.
- Ask lots of questions and do not jump into the relationship quickly.
- Research any photos or information sent by the person to make sure it has not been used elsewhere.
- Never send money to anyone you’ve never met in person.
‘AITA?’
In the post titled “AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend’s son’s surgery?” the 32-year-old woman explained that she met her 36-year-old boyfriend three months prior at the airport.
Her boyfriend is single and has 6- and 12-year-old sons whom she has yet to meet, although he has shown her photos.
“He says it’s early for his kids to meet me. It’s for their mental health and I respect that,” the post read. “I do send them (a bit costly) gifts every weekend and my boyfriend assured me that he will tell them eventually where these gifts are coming from.”
The OP said her boyfriend didn’t speak to her for an entire week before informing her his son was in the hospital. She said she felt bad and offered to visit but her boyfriend said there was “no need” and “suggested” she send gifts to cheer him up instead.
“He later called me saying he was busy all day trying to come up with the money to pay for his son’s surgery,” the post read. “We talked some then he asked if I could lend him $5000 to help pay for the surgery.”
The OP said she was “caught off guard” and that her boyfriend said he felt “heavy” asking her but there was no one else “willing to help.”
She explained that she didn’t feel comfortable giving him $5,000 upfront because she worked hard to save her money.
“He said it’s fine if I don’t feel comfortable,” the post read. “But then started bringing it up saying he’s in dire need of help and the surgery needed to happen next week under doctor’s recommendation.”
‘He Got Upset’
The OP said she felt pressured but that her boyfriend “promised” she could meet his children after the surgery.
“I refused eventually and he got upset with me and kept on about how cruel I was, and how little I care about his kids and him,” the post read. “But I swore it wasn’t like this but he hung up on me saying he needed to get some fresh air.”
Afterward, he texted the OP an image of a child’s arm with an IV drip attached, claiming that it was his son. She said she cried and called him when she saw it but did not receive a response.
“I’m still refusing to pay but a friend of mine says I should do it and have some sort of contract in place to ensure I get the money back,” the post read. “AITA for not wanting to pay?”
In an update, the OP said she is thinking about making a surprise visit to the hospital to see if her boyfriend’s story was true.
Redditor Reactions
More than 2,600 users commented on the post, with many warning the woman not to send the money in case she is being scammed.
“NTA but honey…this screams SCAM,” one user commented. “I’m all for benefit of the doubt but 3 months in does not warrant expensive gifts for children I have not met or $5k for a surgery on one of said children.”
“You met this man 3 months ago. Honestly…seems like you are being scammed,” another user commented. “Don’t pay. Did he said [sic] what exactly is the health problem, and what is the surgery ?”
“NTA but I really hope this is fake and you’re not this naive. This is a major scam,” another commented. “He’s not your bf and there are no kids. You were talked into giving this man gifts every weekend as a sort of test to see how gullible you are. You’ve proved this, so now he’s bypassing gifts and aiming for actual cash. Block this man and learn from this.”
“The kids might actually be real, scammers can have kids too, but the surgery is certainly not. The fake urgency betrays him,” one commenter said.
“NTA. Run. This is a scam. You have never met the kids. You don’t have proof they exist,” another commented. “He sent you a picture of an arm with an IV that could be anyone’s. After you said no he started emotionally blackmailing you. You are also sending gifts to these kids every week?? This whole post is one red flag after another.”
“DO NOT PAY. You will never get the money back,” another user commented. “You’ve been dating for 3 months, send kids you’ve never met ‘somewhat costly’ presents, and now he’s hitting you up for $5000? Red flags all over the place. How do you even know this is his kid he’s sending you pictures of?”
Newsweek reached out to u/Throwra4977575 for comment.
