A lot of my single friends want to meet someone in real life, but don’t know how to do it. Whether they’re getting sick of online dating or deleted their dating apps, some people want to focus on offline connections. But meeting people somewhere like a bar can be tough, especially for the social inept among us and a lot of it comes down to confidence and body language. Being more open with your body language makes you feel more approachable — someone with crossed arms and legs doesn’t look like they want to talk to anyone. But if you’re anything like me, knowing it in theory doesn’t always help when you’re in the situation. The self-consciousness and insecurity of trying to meet someone in a public way like a bar makes me fold up on myself, even if I don’t mean to. That’s why I never get hit on in bars — definitely not the angry and sort of sad way I eat nachos. That’s totally fine. Definitely.
But it is really difficult for some of us to relax and look approachable in bars, or approach people we’re attracted to looking like a normal human being and not some robot of awkwardness. So even when we know in theory that we need to look more opened and relaxed, how can we make that a reality? That’s where Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman. He’s been helping people develop their social skills, and in six years his service has lead to 27 engagements and weddings. Which sounds like pretty amazing results to me.
So what does he recommend when you want to meet someone at a bar? Here’s the one thing you should remember:
Talk to new people like you would if you already know know them and have just forgotten their name.
OK, I don’t meet literally faking having met them before, but just the way in which you speak to them. Edwards tells Bustle:
You have the hindsight of them already knowing you. That projects familiarity, so it comes off like very comfortable and very safe. And the good thing about these acts is that it modifies our behavioral habits that we’ve grown and are hard to break and they can help us in the bar scene or any social scene. Assuming that you already have this natural rapport with someone will automatically make you more confident.
Sounds great, right? Because the confidence and familiarity is exactly what you need to let yourself relax naturally. If you feel more comfortable, it’ll show in your face and body language. And that sends the right messages to them to know that you’re interested and open. Maybe you won’t need Tinder after all.