Men should beware of the day after Valentine’s Day says relationship and adultery expert, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Ashley Madison, a website designed for “discreet encounters” reports that February 15th sees the highest rate of enrollment for women. It’s the day after what’s often a disappointing Valentine’s Day. When their husbands let them down with little or no romance magic on what should be the most romantic day of the year, women turn elsewhere.
Dr. Bonnie cautions and advises men to remember and honor their wives on February 14th. Men need to be careful not to take their wives for granted, and make sure to show appreciation for them and what they do every day. Research from Dr. Bonnie’s, “Financial Infidelity” states that on average, women work an extra 36 hours a week beyond their career. Most women in Dr. Bonnie’s practice complain of being ignored by their husbands or not listened to. They are not being treated in a special way even on Valentine’s Day.
The Ashley Madison website brags of a population of nearly 40 million profiles of those seeking out extramarital affairs and their data shows that holidays like Valentine’s Day, when not celebrated, influence women to seek out adultery to combat feelings of emptiness. A woman may “act out” with cheating to boost her feelings after being unappreciated. She will over-correct with an affair the day after Valentine’s Day, so she can feel heard, and be “romanced.”
Dr. Bonnie adds that there is a domino effect for the children if their mother is forgotten on this holiday. The children could also take her for granted, disrespect her, or do that same behavior to their future partner when they marry. She advises that men invite children to partake in choosing Valentine’s Day gifts for their mother. This way they feel included in an activity that values their mother. This will be conveyed to her and make her feel loved on Valentine’s Day and beyond. This sentiment is priceless. Dr. Bonnie’s theory, the Biochemical Craving for Connection is paramount in understanding how to prevent adultery and is demonstrated in “Unfaithful“, an Oprah and Discovery Health documentary. As are her books, “Adultery: the Forgivable Sin” and “Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?”
Men should be careful to avoid the following behaviors or they may find their wives logging into Ashley Madison on February 15th. These are the warning signs: forgetting Valentine’s Day, no card, no present, no flowers, no chocolate, no restaurant reservation, no acknowledgment from children, no romance, no appreciation, no intimacy, or no acknowledgment of caretaking or “little” or special things she does. Don’t devalue her or make your wife feel unimportant.
Dr. Bonnie says that all of this can be reversed and you can prevent straying by putting your partner in the front of your mind. Use the SmartHeart skills, as outlined in her book, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” and accompanying video “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples” that she advises to patients on Valentine’s Day and every day.
She recommends some simple steps like:
A 30-second kiss that raises your “cuddle hormone,” oxytocin, (demonstrated in video). This bonds the partner and promotes feelings of safety and desire.
A 20-second hug releases dopamine, the “feel-good” hormone, that makes you feel happy and alive.
Think of your wife three times a day–positive thoughts at work. Statistics show that those who do this daily have less of a chance of divorce.
Take influence from your wife. Men who do this have happier marriages.
Take her out once a week–not just on Valentine’s Day.
To prevent adultery, fall back in love with your partner, and stay in love, do daily mini connections. Kiss goodbye in the morning and hello when you come home, snuggle before going to sleep and before getting out of bed in the morning (even if you go to bed or get up at different times), try to go to sleep at the same time, eat at the same time at least three times a week and on the weekends, go out once a week away from discussions of children, work, and problems. Make sure to talk to your partner for ten minutes a day–scheduling or carpooling does not count. No texting or calling your partner to discuss your day, you have to take the time to speak face to face. Hold hands when walking or when watching movies. Look into each other’s eye for 30 seconds daily. Say “I love you” often and with meaning and compliment each other daily. Again, face to face! These are verbal aphrodisiacs. Recreate the romance magic in your marriage. It will not come “naturally” after the first 18 months and the honeymoon stage are over. It needs to be recreated daily. These simple SmartHeart skills and dialogue will ensure Valentine’s Day every day.
For more info on smart heart skills, romance magic and preventing and treating and forgiving adultery, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more warning signs and solutions to reach magic in marriage.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN.