Online dating is the way of the world now, right? Maybe…but not the only way.
Why are so many people relying on online dating sites to meet partners? Mostly because they’re enticed by the endless possibilities.
So why are so many people still on the same dating sites the next time you log in? Maybe because they feel like that’s where they can meet lots of people. They hear these stories that a friend of a friend met the love of their life on an online site.
But if online dating works, as your friends will tell you, then why are so many people still on the same sites forever? Maybe it’s because they know they can meet an endless supply of prospects.
And maybe that’s the problem. You find someone who strikes your fancy online. You let them know. You talk a bit. You meet. You think, “Hmmm, yeah, there’s some possibility there.”
But then another attractive prospect pops up on the same site. She might seem sexier. He might seem smarter. Fear of missing out (FOMO) takes over.
Your friends might say, “Don’t sell yourself short.” “Keep meeting people.” “Don’t limit yourself.”
You might think, “I like the guy I’m dating, but maybe this new one is hotter, more confident, more…something?” Or you might say, “The woman I’m seeing is cool, but this younger, more attractive girl just messaged me.” FOMO grabs you again.
So you keep sampling the wares, and you don’t give your full attention to the one you’ve already met who has potential. How would that make you feel?
If you’re not feeling enough of an effort from the person you’ve had a few dates with, what are you going to do? Keep trying to meet other people, right?
But what if you didn’t? What if you spent some time really getting to know this one person with potential? What if they did that with you? Wouldn’t you feel more excited about dating this person?
Whether you play it cool or open up and share your warmth, you’re contributing to a spiral of connectivity. It could be a downward spiral because you’re not willing to make much of an effort with this one person—you’d rather play the field. Or it could be an upward spiral because you think there’s a good chance that this could be someone who’s right for you and you want to find out.
If you’re truly looking for a relationship that’s a big win, you’ll have to decide if you’re willing to give it your full attention or just settle for an honorable mention.