Not attracted to your partner? I don’t fancy my partner | #tinder | #pof

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As a generation obsessed with dating apps, it’s hardly surprising that many of us consider how physically attracted we are to someone to be one of the key indicators of whether we should be in a relationship with them. But how important is it to be physically attracted to your partner from the start? Simone Bose, a relationship counsellor at Relate, says “attraction grows” and that feeling that initial pang of attraction doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible long-term.

Women who are in relationships with people they didn’t initially feel attracted to are sharing their experiences on Reddit’s AskWomen. And it seems they’re all pretty damn happy with their partners…

1. “I didn’t find him attractive when we first started dating, but I didn’t find him unattractive either. There was a strong emotional chemistry between us that I found attractive. The longer we’ve been together, the more physically attractive I’ve started to find him. Personally I think that whatever emotional chemistry you have with each other will triumph physical attraction in the long run. Plus, physical appearance will change whereas your emotional attraction towards the person probably won’t.” [via]

Hello World

2. “Originally I thought he was decent-looking, but he made me laugh and we could talk for hours. Now I think my fiancé gets more handsome every single day.” [via]

3. “I was not super attracted to my partner through the pictures I had seen before I met him, but I wasn’t unattracted either. We were set up through a friend and from the minute I met him there was a good spark. In someways its funny because the ‘type’ I have in my head of what I like is completely the opposite of what I actually do like (which is him to a T). Now I find so many things about my partner attractive; both physically and emotionally. He is the greatest man I have ever met.” [via]

4. “I can honestly say that this is the first relationship I’ve been in where we are on equal footing, building each other up. With former partners, I would get really dangerously attached to people I dated simply out of attraction and I wound up in so many godawful relationships. I spent much of my time in these relationships worrying about my own appearance. I would also constantly focus on how I looked in comparison to these partners, or if they thought I looked good enough to be with them.

“I didn’t start out attracted to him and wouldn’t say he’s conventionally attractive”

“The whole relationship was based on physical compatibility, which I still think is important, but not in the same way I valued it before. I’m certainly not unattracted to my husband, I just didn’t start out attracted to him and wouldn’t say he’s conventionally attractive. But that competitive feeling isn’t here in this relationship. I feel safe and supported for the first time in my life. We’re married, buying a house, and having a baby together! So we worked out really well I think.” [via]

Brianna R / 500px

5. “He’s definitely not my ideal fantasy guy, nor was I super attracted to him right away. It definitely took a while – almost four months! But he is so good for me. Not only is he kind and attentive and makes me feel free to be myself, being around him makes me more kind to others as well. He’s not exciting or spontaneous, but he’s reliable and down to earth. I never thought I could feel such deep love for someone like that, but I do! I don’t know if it’ll last, but right now it feels very right.” [via]

6. “We were best friends for a couple of years before we dated. I thought he was decent looking. Handsome. Above average. But I wasn’t like, ‘Oh my god, take me now’. Eventually he convinced me to go on a date with him. He was by far the sweetest person I had ever met. He was the best person. Always kind, considerate, funny. We have been together almost four years, engaged for a little over one. He’s so damn attractive to me now. I can’t ever remember a time where I did not want to immediately jump him.” [via]

Holly Falconer

7. “I’m planning on spending my whole life with him. We started out as friends, and he is nowhere near what I used to think my ‘type’ was. He asked me out when we first met, and I turned him down (with the excuse being that we are both in first year of uni, and I don’t want a relationship). He took it on the chin and we formed a great friendship. He was funny, kind, loving, a great listener, intelligent and the more I got to know him he became more physically attractive to me even though he didn’t actually change anything about his looks. We became FWB for a little while, until we both realised that we want to be exclusive.

“I think that even though the initial attraction wasn’t there, it’s 100% there now after getting to know him. I’m a believer that people with an ugly personality will look uglier, and people with a beautiful personality will look more beautiful.” [via]

8. “I’m engaged to him and we’re buying a house next week. We’re getting married next month. I met him on Tinder. I wasn’t 100% attracted to him – he has a very handsome face but is shorter and much skinnier than I’d like. It took me a bit to get over it and decide to choose him for all the other amazing reasons we should be together. If I’m being honest, he still isn’t my ideal body type, but he’s my best friend and he’s everything I aspire to be – smart, responsible, ambitious, compassionate, kind, patient, humble, everything.” [via]

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