Single seniors often tell me they’ve had no luck meeting potential mates in the cities where they live. Some of them have asked if they should try online dating.
For approximately 15 years, I’ve been an advocate of online dating as a tool that can help seniors find love.
However, in the past five years, the number of online dating romance scams has increased dramatically, making online dating risky for seniors.
Often, the romance scam results are the same: vulnerable, lonely and naive seniors (both women and men) get scammed and lose much money, sometimes their entire life’s savings. It’s sad and tragic.
So, when I answer the “should I try online dating?” question, I always warn seniors to be extremely careful if going that route.
Last week, Mark, an Orange County resident, alerted me to an online (The Wall Street Journal) article titled “She Hooked Me: How an Online Scam Cost a Senior Citizen His Life’s Savings.”
The article spelled out how a senior man living in the Midwest, age 75, lost his life’s savings to a scammer who claimed to be age 37, rich, an immigrant woman looking for love who contacted him via the website LinkedIn, which is not a dating site.
The scammer—who could have been a man—enticed the victim by sending inviting pictures of an attractive woman. The victim took the bait. The scammer slowly reeled him in.
Although the victim was a successful, professional businessman, he let his infatuation and naivety overrule his intelligence. He missed a huge red flag right out of the gate: an age difference of approximately 38 years.
The scammer convinced him to join an online site called WhatsApp. It keeps conversations and messages closed-end (private), allowing scammers to work their magic without detection. Like LinkedIn, WhatsApp is not a dating site. If a stranger suggests that both parties join it, that’s another red flag.
The scammer and the victim had only one very brief phone call, which should have been another red flag to him.
Slowly, through deception and promises of love, the scammer gained the victim’s trust and reeled him into financial investments. The victim believed she was a gift from a higher power. He never met her in person. What the heck was he thinking?
I’ve always said that a person can’t fall in love with an image; he or she must meet the other person face-to-face before knowing if there is an attraction or a compatible fit. When the victim suggested they meet in person, the scammer always made an excuse why it couldn’t happen. Another red flag.
I’m not suggesting single seniors avoid online dating. However, people need to be smart, aware and trust their instincts. I know many couples who met their partners using online dating sites and are still together.
These above words of caution apply to not only dating sites but to other sites such as LinkedIn and WhatsApp.
A year ago, when I tried online dating by joining Match.com and Zoosk.com, an attractive woman 20 years younger from Oceanside immediately contacted me and suggested we meet in person for an hour walk in Dana Point Harbor. We did. And then we had another hourlong harbor walk two days later. After the second date, she texted me and said, “If I moved in with you in your Dana Point home, I would need you to change your estate plan and leave me your home, so I wouldn’t be tossed out on the street if you pass away before me.”
I was shocked and answered, “No, it’s way too soon; we haven’t even kissed yet.” She replied, “I don’t want to see you again.” Seniors need to be careful when meeting strangers, even in person.
I did meet a fine woman on Zoosk who lives in Orange County. We’ve dated for nearly a year. Online dating has worked for us.
Tom Blake is a retired Dana Point business owner and resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. See his website at findingloveafter50.com. To comment: tompblake@gmail.com. SC
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