First things first, don’t panic. According to Spira, this isn’t automatically the end. “Love is cyclical, and even if you think you no longer love your partner, something can happen to trigger the memories of why you fell in love in the first place. If so, it’s possible to trigger the feelings of falling back in love,” she explains. This is also an opportunity to take a step back and assess your feelings and what it is that you want in the future. “It’s natural to stop and try to decode your relationship as it moves from status to status. You should take inventory on your relationship to decide whether it’s just a temporary feeling, or whether you really think you’re on the way to calling it quits,” Spira says. “I recommend making a list of why you fell in love with them in the first place to see if you still have any of those feelings. If you think you need space, you should ask yourself if it’s a way to ease out of the relationship or if you really want to dig deep into your emotions to determine if you’ve fallen out of love.”
If upon reflection you determine that you have fallen out of love, Barrett cautions against the urge to ignore the situation just because it’s uncomfortable. “Look at possible causes and decide what your right action is. You may decide to try to get that spark back. You might decide it’s time to end things. Whatever you do, don’t ignore the signs. Notice them, and decide what, if anything, needs to be done to make you fulfilled,” he advises. At the end of the day, you owe it to both yourself and your partner to be honest if your feelings have changed. You both deserve the true and forever kind of love, whether that’s together — or apart.
Connell Barrett, Dating Transformation founder and dating coach with The League
Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women
Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships