#onlinedating | Ask Ellie: Get to know potential date online before meeting in person | #bumble | #tinder | #pof

Dear Readers: Since so many relationship questions I receive are about online dating, reader’s experience with this topic can be very helpful.

Reader’s Commentary

I’m a man who recently took a leap into online dating. A friend said it worked for someone she knew. “I was skeptical after a relationship ended painfully for me. I had connected with someone without knowing much about her values or finances.

My female friends and I discussed what would be important for a new relationship at this point in my life. We agreed that a relationship should be based on common values, financial independence, and an attraction to the person.

Amazingly, I connected to a fine lady and exchanged a lot of personal information via daily emails.

She was financially secure, and we had many common values. I said I would only be connected if we met in person and the chemistry led to a committed relationship. Shortly after that, she suggested we end our conversations. So, for me, it was a positive experience without any emotional commitment.

My advice to other online daters is the same as yours. Get to know the other person’s values and financial situation, before meeting in person. I also know from experience that it is easy to fall for an attractive woman, after meeting face-to-face, without knowing much about her.

The following are online dating tips from a Canadian-based matchmaker, Krystal Walker:

1. Be an active listener. This keeps you engaged with another person in a positive way. 2. Ask meaningful questions. Open-ended questions make for great conversations. 3. Show interest in the person’s activities and passions. Find something in their interests that you enjoy. 4. When online together, use the person’s name. It’s a simple way to make a meaningful connection. When you see them, repeat their name. 5. After you have created a meaningful online connection, it’s important to follow up. Even a quick text e.g. “It was great meeting you today!” can go a long way.

Dear Ellie: Many of my friends and I are wondering whatever happened to the custom of saying “Thank you,” for a gift.

If not a formal thank you, at least an acknowledgement that the gift was received.

It gets tiring having to phone and ask whether the gift or card with money in it has ever arrived.

When did even young children stop saying “thanks?”

Youngsters can be encouraged to draw something on a piece of paper as an acknowledgement. When you have to ask an 18-year-old well-versed in social media if they got your gift, it gets pretty annoying.

I know I’m just one of many people faced with this rudeness.

Christmas will be yet another round of having to ask if the gift or card arrived. One friend now sends cards without money in them, but even that didn’t get any response. Please tell us grandparents how to handle this very tiresome problem.

Fed-Up Grans

Speak your mind. State your limits with these loved younger relatives, however you can reach them.

Be clear that you expect to hear from them when they receive their Christmas gift…. or it’ll be the last one from you, even though you love them.

If their parents aren’t modelling/teaching appreciation for gifts, the role is now yours. Explain: Politeness and gratitude aren’t “old-fashioned.” Rudeness is, because it destroys the layers of respectful social behaviour that’s kept us together as families.

Feedback regarding the letter-writer’s question: Is it ever too late to find love?:

Reader: I was 47 when my first wife went through menopause and kicked me out of the family (We had four children, including identical twin girls).

I was 48 when I met, fell in love with, and later married the woman who became my second wife. I was 68 when she died of cancer. (We had two children: fraternal twins, a boy and a girl.)

I was 71 when I met, fell in love with, and later married my third wife. I was 88 when she died after falling down some stairs.

Now, as I approach my 90th birthday, I find myself living in the home of one of my four daughters and her husband, and sharing much mutual love with each other.

My Answer: It’s never too late to find love, even in your 40s, 60s and 80s.

Ellie’s tip of the day

Online dating? Ask questions, listen, discuss interests, make a “meaningful connection” before you imagine that it’s a romantic relationship.

Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.

© Copyright Times Colonist




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