#onlinedating | Dating fatigue, even during a pandemic | #bumble | #tinder | #pof


Love Letters

Q. Thanks to the global pandemic, there is almost no chance of meeting love naturally “in the wild.” Like many 20-somethings in the world, I’ve turned to online dating. People around the world feel the loneliest they’ve ever felt in their lives. You’d think men would finally seek someone special to spend their time with. Even in a global pandemic, they don’t.

I met a guy on Hinge, he liked my profile — in fact, sent me a “rose” (a new feature that allows users to send one rose a week to one person). We made a plan to meet up on Thursday. We sat in 6-degree weather out on a patio (indoor dining is banned in Toronto). The conversation was flowing. He was cute, funny, and had a British accent. He paid for the drinks, walked me home, kissed me goodbye, and let me know he was leaving in four days and wanted to see me before he was out of the country for two months. I was confused, but agreed to meet up again.

Sunday, he texted me and asked if I wanted to come over to “watch a movie.” I offered to go for a walk instead. He said he was too tired that night and wanted to go for the walk the next day. He said he really wanted to see me before he left; my heart melted and I agreed. The next day came (today). It is 8:15 p.m. and I haven’t heard from him all day. He’s leaving tomorrow. I’ll probably never see him again. The end. I just don’t get it. I mean I get it, I am not stupid. He’s not interested in me. I’m so tired of this.

Can’t we all be honest with each other? Can’t I just find love already? It was hard enough before the pandemic but now I feel so lonely. I’m smart, pretty, I have hobbies and amazing friends, but I want love. Love that I don’t think I can find online. I just want simple, supportive, kind, and passionate love. Is it too much to ask?

TOO MUCH TO ASK?

A. You’re not asking for too much. It is possible to find great love, as long as you don’t expect the feelings to hit you all at once. I know you’re tired of dating with no end in sight, but this is the process. It can take time and so much energy.

But let’s focus on this one man for a minute. (That’s all he is, by the way — just one guy.) You were all in with hopefulness at Date 1, and I get that. There was chivalry, cuteness, and an accent … a lot to get excited about. But there were also some flags. He told you he was leaving the country for two months, and you were uncomfortable with his urgent plan to “watch a movie.” He had different goals for your second date, I assume.

Yes, without a doubt, he should have canceled the walk with a polite phone call, but now you know he’s not worth your excitement. Now you know your response when he (inevitably) contacts you when he returns.

I know it’s been a long year and that you’d like a partner. But please remember that many people who want love aren’t even on apps right now. A lot of people in cold places — or people with roommates and family — are waiting for a safer time and more vaccines. Give yourself a break and shut it down for a few weeks. Get some fresh air and watch as more people head outside to enjoy the world. On a day that everything fees less urgent, hop back online and see what’s changed. I do believe it will improve. Spring is coming.

MEREDITH

READERS RESPOND:

You’re allowing your emotions to advance way too fast. Your attitude going into meeting anyone should be one of guarded (emphasis on guarded) optimism.

EACB

You’re frustrated. This, too, shall pass. Start fresh. Every time. (And remember that most men will avoid even slightly awkward conversations with women whenever possible.)

SEENITTOO

The pandemic is slowly getting under control as the vaccines roll out around the world. Life is heading toward getting back to something close to normal. It’s slow but happening; you won’t be isolated forever. Accept that people can be flaky or deceptive no matter the circumstance. Pick yourself up, move on, keep dating.

KALLISTOGA

Send your own relationship and dating questions to loveletters@globe.com. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.





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