#onlinedating | Dating profiles, what they say and what they mean | #bumble | #tinder | #pof

People write all kinds of things in their profiles because it’s what they think others want to hear. (Keyword: think) Let’s take a look at 7 of these generic lines and then define what they actually mean.

1. What you say: I’m just as comfortable in a little black dress (or tux) as I am in jeans and a T-shirt.

What you’re trying to say: I can be ready for any occasion so you don’t think I can’t be your date to something important to you.

What we know you really mean: Honestly, I’d rather be in my oversized sweatpants on the couch most nights (hello, this is 2020 standard attire anyway), but I don’t want you to think I’m a loser, so I’ll tell you I’m just as comfortable in a tux. The reality? I don’t think I’ve ever worn a tux, and if I have, I definitely didn’t tie my own bow tie.

2. What you say: I love to laugh and have fun.

What you’re trying to say: I’m easy-going, light-hearted, and I won’t bring drama to the relationship.

What we know you really mean: I want you to think I’m normal and don’t freak out when I’m losing my “Bachelor” pool or cry when I burn my toast every other third morning.

3. What you say: I’m not looking for a hookup.

What you’re trying to say: I want you to know I’m looking for something serious.

What we know you really mean: I got burned in the past many, many times. I’d actually be up for a casual relationship if we’re not the right fit for the long term, but I know that’s not what you want to hear, so I’ll go in the complete other direction even though I could (and should) just say nothing at all.

4. What you say: My friends tell me I’m smart, funny and attractive.

What you’re trying to say: I’m a good friend, and the people in my life really like me like really!

What we know you really mean: I think highly of myself, but rather than saying that, I’m going to use my “friends” as a buffer to look humble. Is it working yet?

5. What you say: I joined this site because one of my friends met someone on here.

What you’re trying to say: I have friends, and we share things with each other.

What we know you really mean: I’m still scared of doing online dating, and I am honestly judging myself, but if I write this, it makes me look like I’m some kind of romantic optimist. Again, is it working yet?

6. What you say: I work hard and play hard.

What you’re trying to say: I do well financially, but I know when to take a step back.

What we know you really mean: I’m a workaholic, and when I come home from work (as in, get up from my desk and walk into the kitchen), I drink myself into oblivion. Maybe I’ll make time for you, too. Maybe not.

7. What you say: I take care of myself and want someone else who does, too.

What you’re trying to say: I want someone healthy.

What we know you really mean: I want someone hot and skinny/ripped.

Let’s add it all together:

I’m just as comfortable in a little black dress (or tux) as I am in jeans and a t-shirt. I love to laugh and have fun. I’m not looking for a hookup. My friends tell me I’m smart, funny, and attractive. I joined this site because one of my friends met someone on here. I work hard and play hard. I take care of myself and want someone else who does, too.

Sounds dreamy, right? In the end, none of these lines actually tells us anything about you, and if they do, they only say what you think people want to hear. In the end, say what you mean, mean what you say, and make it something specific. Most people would rather hear about your obsession with buying camera lenses, competitive nature when it comes to Boggle, or your love/hate relationship with running. (As for me, I really only run when someone’s chasing me or more likely, I’m chasing my dog.)

Stop writing what you think people want to hear, and write about the true you. That’ll win the dates with the right people, not just the ones who you didn’t either offend or attract since you said something too generic to see the real you.

Tribune News Service


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