#onlinedating | Hey, Bonita…: My Roommate Hoards Stray Cats | Flagpole Magazine | #bumble | #tinder | #pof

Dear Bonita,

My roommate owns our home. He hoards stray cats that many college students in our neighborhood leave behind, which is A LOT. He does not permit them in the house, so they basically just come to the porch to be fed or sleep under the porch. Some get killed by cars or animals or poison. Some survive. We are up to five, and one is pregnant! He rarely gets food for them—almost never. I just got scolded for getting leftovers out of a restaurant’s trash can. I do not know what else to do. I cannot afford to feed so many cats, and they will make more or attract more if I do. I resent being put or made to feel that I am in this position of responsibility. Do you have any ideas or thoughts? 

Thank you, 

Inadvertent Cat Woman 

Cat Woman,

Y’all need to take these cats to a no-kill shelter or learn more about fostering cats and kittens. Anyone taking in strays should be getting these animals their shots and vetting their health thoroughly before finding them a forever home. People will adopt healthy and friendly adult cats, and I think the best thing you two could do is re-home these animals. You have described a fairly inhumane existence for these cats, and that’s not OK. I mean, you literally said that they die on the regular. 

If your roommate wants to welcome these cats to his property, he’s gonna have to take care of them. Sit him down and explain that he needs to be feeding these cats, at the very least, and he certainly needs to be taking them to the vet and adopting them out to ensure a good quality of life for them. He clearly can’t take care of them, even though he wants them around, and the impact of our actions always outweighs our intent. He means well, but I’d say he’s doing more harm than good.

And honestly? Move out. You’re taking on a lot of stress by trying to manage this situation for him, and it’s even getting you in trouble when you try to go out and find food for the cats. (But for real, though, thumbs down to any place that gets mad at people for trash picking. What were you gonna do with that trash besides throw it away?) This is his choice, not yours, and he should be taking care of those cats. Adopt a couple of the good ones and move to a residence where you can give these kitties the life they deserve.


I’m trying online dating all over again! I’ve done it before and had no success with it. Do you have any advice on ways to improve my chances of meeting Mr. Right this time? I love older men, too, and I’m starting to think I may need to find another source of getting in contact with them. I’m 28 and usually date men closer to or in their 40s.

Any and all dating is a crapshoot, dude. You’ve just gotta roll the dice, be your authentic self and be open and honest about your needs and expectations. I’ve found that older men on Tinder are usually looking to cheat on someone, so if you’re trying to actually partner up, I’d recommend OKCupid or a paid service like Match.com. Paid services are actually pretty dope, because anyone spending money to meet people is most likely seeking a more above-board dating experience than someone swiping right at 3 a.m. I know more than one married couple who met through a paid dating service, if that’s any measure of a person’s intentions.

This town is full of silver fox Peter Pan types, and I have full confidence that there’s a fortysomething out there for you. I’m glad you know what and who you like. Good luck!

Need advice? Email advice@flagpole.com, use the anonymous form at flagpole.com/getadvice, or find Bonita on Twitter: @flagpolebonita.

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